ScaredWife1

My husband keeps drinking and smoking marijuana and driving. He doesn’t listen to anything I say about it whether I am crying, angry, or calm and trying to create a solution. I know this problem is all on him and someday he will have a consequence to his behavior. But this doesn’t effect only him. It would be an embarrassment to our family, he’s lose his job, and probably be the nail in the coffin for our marriage. I even tell him that I will let others including family, his boss, and even call the police when I know he drinks and drives. I feel so alone in this and his so called “friends” don’t care because they are all the same and it’s normal to them. He has no off switch and it’s going to be very bad someday. I fell like he’s playing Russian roulette with our livelyhood and it’s almost too much for me to handle.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.
I know at the height of my addiction, no one could have said anything to me to stop my reckless behavior. I felt invincible and above the law.
I actually did get into two wrecks drunk, and could have killed someone, but that didn't stop me.

Wish I had some advice what to do, but that's something you'll have to decide.
Best to you and I hope things work out for you.

Snowydelrico

Sorry to hear about your situation.
Russian roulette is exactly what it is. Playing with 5 bullets .
Hope there’s not too much damage when the gun goes off.
Maybe just a DUI to shake him up a bit.

Sadly there nothing you can do to stop him.
A turn of events and maybe losing everything would.
That’s what the booze does, takes everything.

Hope it doesn’t take a pedestrians life too.

God I hate what it does to people and families.
If it had just been discovered there is no way alcohol would be legalised.

Hope things work out for you
Maybe try looking into making a new life.

honeypig

Welcome to SR, ScaredWife. Your situation sounds scary indeed. You don't HAVE to live like this, though--there's help for you regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do.

Can I suggest checking out the "Families and Friends of Alcoholics" section of this forum (link here https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/) as well as the "Families and Friends of Substance Abusers" section (link here https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...nce-abusers/)? I think you'll find a lot there that resonates with you.

Hope to see you posting in at least one of those areas soon, SW. Again, your life CAN be more peaceful and you CAN be happier, even though it might seem impossible right now.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here scaredwife but I'm glad you found us - this is a place of great understanding and support.

Some of us addicts find what I call a window of clarity - we suddenly realise what we're doing with our lives and start to turn things around.

I hope your husband will be one of those stories, one day - but don;t forget you need help and support too

D

Gerard52

Sorry about your situation. You should not have to live this and need to get away from the situation. Also if you know he is drinking driving you need to call the police, for both your husband's and other people's safety. I hope things get better.

ScaredWife1

Thank you so much. I am going back to school and planning for a better future for myself, with or without my husband. I am just really stuck as I can afford to live on my own yet even though I work full time. Joint bills are just too much. Every other aspect of my life is good and positive, but this just drags me down every time it happens. I will heck out the other threads and appreciate the support and suggestion.

ScaredWife1

Thanks. I hope he learns his lesson somehow without hurting himself or others. That is my biggest fear, even above the damage he’s doing to our marriage. It’s just a excruciating thing to watch someone you love be so destructive without regard to the implications.

Rar

Welcome ScaredWife. My husband is also a heavy drinker, but fortunately he doesn't drink and drive. His whole personality changes and even after 44 years of marriage, I have thoughts of leaving too. However, I am too old and have to let it play out for me. I do know that nagging isn't going to change him. As Dee says, hopefully he'll come to realize this on his own. If you have children, don't let him drive with them or you in the car. I wish you the best. Friends and Family will be a good source of support - actually any of our threads on SR.

biminiblue

If he causes an accident, your personal financial situation could be ruined for life.

I think I'd be talking to an attorney. This could change your life - not just his - when you are tied to his decisions by a financial legal agreement like marriage.

I found this out the hard way. I was young and didn't realize that his decisions were my responsibility, legally.

MyLittleHorsie

Welcome scared life. You need to protect yourself. If he gets nailed for impaired it can impact you more than him losing his job. You can be sued and good luck getting insurance because you get the black mark too.

Protect yourself.

ChloeRose63

Get some legal help because once he gets into trouble it is going to cost alot. Nevermind about his future. Take care of yourself.

DontRemember

I'd seperate myself from any financial liability ASAP! If that's divorce..I'd get a divorce. Not saying I'd 'leave' my wife(I'm no longer married),but I guard myself financially from other's 'mistakes',even in business.

Edit: and those joint bills probably wouldn't be so high if he didn't waste money on weed/booze,so you would probably be better off financially living with a roomate. Unless you're dependant on his income to cover your bills,of course.