Why?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Why?
So last time i posted here i thought i was done.
Well...just came off a really rough 4 day bender and I just dont have much words .
I just ask why?
I know i might not get much support because i went back but anyone whose ever had this same thought pattern id appreciate your thoughts
Well...just came off a really rough 4 day bender and I just dont have much words .
I just ask why?
I know i might not get much support because i went back but anyone whose ever had this same thought pattern id appreciate your thoughts
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi
I don't know why you'd think you wouldn't get any support - we all know how it is to 'go out' again.
I think I kept drinking because I could - as difficult as it was it seemed easier than not drinking...but I was basing my ideas on what not drinking would be like on the scantiest of 'evidence'.
my longest period sober was 2 months before I came to SR - IMO that's not enough time to get any real idea of what sober life could be.
In the end I decided if I wanted to get sober and stay that way, I'd have to commit - I'd have to make changes and stick to those changes, no matter what.
I had to run on faith when people told me things got better, even when I doubted thsat.
Support helped - but I had to learn to ask for help before I crashed not after.
You have a great opportunity now to not only learn from your mistakes but build on your new knowledge - I'd embrace that.
Go for it
D
I don't know why you'd think you wouldn't get any support - we all know how it is to 'go out' again.
I think I kept drinking because I could - as difficult as it was it seemed easier than not drinking...but I was basing my ideas on what not drinking would be like on the scantiest of 'evidence'.
my longest period sober was 2 months before I came to SR - IMO that's not enough time to get any real idea of what sober life could be.
In the end I decided if I wanted to get sober and stay that way, I'd have to commit - I'd have to make changes and stick to those changes, no matter what.
I had to run on faith when people told me things got better, even when I doubted thsat.
Support helped - but I had to learn to ask for help before I crashed not after.
You have a great opportunity now to not only learn from your mistakes but build on your new knowledge - I'd embrace that.
Go for it
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi
I don't know why you'd think you wouldn't get any support - we all know how it is to 'go out' again.
I think I kept drinking because I could - as difficult as it was it seemed easier than not drinking...but I was basing my ideas on what not drinking would be like on the scantiest of 'evidence'.
my longest period sober was 2 months before I came to SR - IMO that's not enough time to get any real idea of what sober life could be.
In the end I decided if I wanted to get sober and stay that way, I'd have to commit - I'd have to make changes and stick to those changes, no matter what.
I had to run on faith when people told me things got better, even when I doubted thsat.
Support helped - but I had to learn to ask for help before I crashed not after.
You have a great opportunity now to not only learn from your mistakes but build on your new knowledge - I'd embrace that.
Go for it
D
I don't know why you'd think you wouldn't get any support - we all know how it is to 'go out' again.
I think I kept drinking because I could - as difficult as it was it seemed easier than not drinking...but I was basing my ideas on what not drinking would be like on the scantiest of 'evidence'.
my longest period sober was 2 months before I came to SR - IMO that's not enough time to get any real idea of what sober life could be.
In the end I decided if I wanted to get sober and stay that way, I'd have to commit - I'd have to make changes and stick to those changes, no matter what.
I had to run on faith when people told me things got better, even when I doubted thsat.
Support helped - but I had to learn to ask for help before I crashed not after.
You have a great opportunity now to not only learn from your mistakes but build on your new knowledge - I'd embrace that.
Go for it
D
Its a strange feeling for me its like i want to stop but at the same time i dont. I'm sure you or someone else has had that before.
And btw thank you for your comment pretty much put me in tears in a good way
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by GreatInquiry7
So last time i posted here i thought i was done.
Well...just came off a really rough 4 day bender and I just dont have much words .
I just ask why?
I know i might not get much support because i went back but anyone whose ever had this same thought pattern id appreciate your thoughts
Well...just came off a really rough 4 day bender and I just dont have much words .
I just ask why?
I know i might not get much support because i went back but anyone whose ever had this same thought pattern id appreciate your thoughts
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome back, you will find lots of support here. I joined SR in 2012, and had my last drink December 31, 2015. I had many day one posts as I strugggled and attempted to moderate my drinking (don't waste your time with this one, it doesn't work.)
In a few days I will have 2 years and 7 months sober, and this site has been one of the biggest parts of my recovery plan. I read and post here daily. I also practice mindfulness, and find exercise and nature to be big parts of my physical/emotional healthy lifestyle.
Spend some time reading on here and write down some things that may work for you for recovery. Join a monthly class, you can join July, and then August when it starts to give you a little extra support. Try to stay in the present, dwelling on the past won't help, and neither will worrying about the future. Celebrate your successes..
You can do this!
In a few days I will have 2 years and 7 months sober, and this site has been one of the biggest parts of my recovery plan. I read and post here daily. I also practice mindfulness, and find exercise and nature to be big parts of my physical/emotional healthy lifestyle.
Spend some time reading on here and write down some things that may work for you for recovery. Join a monthly class, you can join July, and then August when it starts to give you a little extra support. Try to stay in the present, dwelling on the past won't help, and neither will worrying about the future. Celebrate your successes..
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
You do deserve support.
We all do.
It’s a common trait of alcoholism to have little or no self respect.
It’s how it keeps you down and in your place.
You do want to stop it’s your adictive voice (AV) that doesn’t want to.
I look back at how I used treat myself and feel so sorry.
Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.
Pouring poison in to my body, destroying my mind, body and soul.
I thought it was the only way to live because I knew no other way.
How wrong was I!
I live alcohol and drug free now and I will never go back.
I am living what feels like a dream that I never thought possible.
So happy with my new life. I love myself and my family and each day it gets better.
You can have and deserve a new better life.
One that is full of joy and hope.
Gather some tools, get advice, ask for support.
1 day at a time. You can do this.
We all do.
It’s a common trait of alcoholism to have little or no self respect.
It’s how it keeps you down and in your place.
You do want to stop it’s your adictive voice (AV) that doesn’t want to.
I look back at how I used treat myself and feel so sorry.
Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.
Pouring poison in to my body, destroying my mind, body and soul.
I thought it was the only way to live because I knew no other way.
How wrong was I!
I live alcohol and drug free now and I will never go back.
I am living what feels like a dream that I never thought possible.
So happy with my new life. I love myself and my family and each day it gets better.
You can have and deserve a new better life.
One that is full of joy and hope.
Gather some tools, get advice, ask for support.
1 day at a time. You can do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I think most of us can remember than ambivalence. I wanted to quit but quitting forever seemed impossible, at least without massive change, which terrified me.
The more times I broke myself my drinking tho, the more open I was to that idea of change.
I wish I'd gone for it sooner, I really do.
D
The more times I broke myself my drinking tho, the more open I was to that idea of change.
I wish I'd gone for it sooner, I really do.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think most of us can remember than ambivalence. I wanted to quit but quitting forever seemed impossible, at least without massive change, which terrified me.
The more times I broke myself my drinking tho, the more open I was to that idea of change.
I wish I'd gone for it sooner, I really do.
D
The more times I broke myself my drinking tho, the more open I was to that idea of change.
I wish I'd gone for it sooner, I really do.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Snowydelrico
You do deserve support.
We all do.
It’s a common trait of alcoholism to have little or no self respect.
It’s how it keeps you down and in your place.
You do want to stop it’s your adictive voice (AV) that doesn’t want to.
I look back at how I used treat myself and feel so sorry.
Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.
Pouring poison in to my body, destroying my mind, body and soul.
I thought it was the only way to live because I knew no other way.
How wrong was I!
I live alcohol and drug free now and I will never go back.
I am living what feels like a dream that I never thought possible.
So happy with my new life. I love myself and my family and each day it gets better.
You can have and deserve a new better life.
One that is full of joy and hope.
Gather some tools, get advice, ask for support.
1 day at a time. You can do this.
We all do.
It’s a common trait of alcoholism to have little or no self respect.
It’s how it keeps you down and in your place.
You do want to stop it’s your adictive voice (AV) that doesn’t want to.
I look back at how I used treat myself and feel so sorry.
Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.
Pouring poison in to my body, destroying my mind, body and soul.
I thought it was the only way to live because I knew no other way.
How wrong was I!
I live alcohol and drug free now and I will never go back.
I am living what feels like a dream that I never thought possible.
So happy with my new life. I love myself and my family and each day it gets better.
You can have and deserve a new better life.
One that is full of joy and hope.
Gather some tools, get advice, ask for support.
1 day at a time. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Welcome back, you will find lots of support here. I joined SR in 2012, and had my last drink December 31, 2015. I had many day one posts as I strugggled and attempted to moderate my drinking (don't waste your time with this one, it doesn't work.)
In a few days I will have 2 years and 7 months sober, and this site has been one of the biggest parts of my recovery plan. I read and post here daily. I also practice mindfulness, and find exercise and nature to be big parts of my physical/emotional healthy lifestyle.
Spend some time reading on here and write down some things that may work for you for recovery. Join a monthly class, you can join July, and then August when it starts to give you a little extra support. Try to stay in the present, dwelling on the past won't help, and neither will worrying about the future. Celebrate your successes..
You can do this!
In a few days I will have 2 years and 7 months sober, and this site has been one of the biggest parts of my recovery plan. I read and post here daily. I also practice mindfulness, and find exercise and nature to be big parts of my physical/emotional healthy lifestyle.
Spend some time reading on here and write down some things that may work for you for recovery. Join a monthly class, you can join July, and then August when it starts to give you a little extra support. Try to stay in the present, dwelling on the past won't help, and neither will worrying about the future. Celebrate your successes..
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I kept drinking over and over too. I got to where I didn't want to but still did it. That is addiction.
I tried and tried quitting and eventually it stuck, I am gratefully eight years sober now. You can do it.
What really helped me was finding a program that suited me. Without a program to work, I would still be drinking today. Or dead.
I tried and tried quitting and eventually it stuck, I am gratefully eight years sober now. You can do it.
What really helped me was finding a program that suited me. Without a program to work, I would still be drinking today. Or dead.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I remember wanting the madness to end, and I somehow knew that this meant I needed to stop drinking. But that was the life I'd known since my teens. I'd never been an Alcohol free adult, so it was difficult to want to be someone who I didn't know - my alcohol free self. That's where the experiences, strength, and hope that I got from others on recovery, those ahead of me on this path, really helped (and still helps) me. It was such unknown territory to me. Who would I even BE without alcohol. Would I disappear like the hole in a polo mint once alcohol was removed? The answer was no, I wouldn't disappear. And I found out what others have found as well, that we are so much more than what we have done. I always would have been so much more than my drinking personality that I'd constructed over the years. Trouble is, if constructed that drinking-personality so well she all but obscured the 'I am' that was underneath. As I slowly chipped away at that old construct, like a stone statue, I started to find the treasure underneath, as I believe all in active recovery do - whatever they are recovering their Self from. And you can as well. I just KNOW that you won't be disappointed at what you find if you start chipping away.
BB
BB
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by GreatInquiry7
Well why didnt i think i would get support? prob now cause i dont think i deserve it but anyway...
And then you dismissed it as unimportant.
You might want to spend a little more time working that out.
Glad you found your way back to us. We ALL deserve it.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are here and agree with the others, especially berrybean as my experience of being terrified of what could be on the other side of drinking was much the same.
In addition to making the choice to quit, I had to develop a program of action. Mine isAAand it saved my life, to put it succinctly. Others can share their plans and the one thing we all have in common is having a plan of action.
Learning what alcoholism is and isn't was (is) helpful to most of us. Taking that action to get and stay sober then find the kind of life folks describe above is the more important thing than getting to any why.
You deserve sobriety as much as the rest of us. Best to you.
In addition to making the choice to quit, I had to develop a program of action. Mine isAAand it saved my life, to put it succinctly. Others can share their plans and the one thing we all have in common is having a plan of action.
Learning what alcoholism is and isn't was (is) helpful to most of us. Taking that action to get and stay sober then find the kind of life folks describe above is the more important thing than getting to any why.
You deserve sobriety as much as the rest of us. Best to you.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Why? It happened to me because I was alcholic and had no effective defense againt the first drink. There was a way to get a defense, but I ruled it out. I had a life threatening problem which I did not know how to solve, yet I felt perfectly OK about specifying exactly which actions I would take. Doesn't really make sense.
It would be like going to the doctor, seriously ill, and the doc saying " well, we have this regimen of treatment, I want you to take this and do that, and if you do you will be ok, Furthermore I want you to be at these appointments" And I would say "ok doc, but I think I can manage on just this and this, and those appointments are not convenient so I'll skip them." Would that be insane or not? Could I expect the same result by taking only a part of the recommended treatment?
It would be like going to the doctor, seriously ill, and the doc saying " well, we have this regimen of treatment, I want you to take this and do that, and if you do you will be ok, Furthermore I want you to be at these appointments" And I would say "ok doc, but I think I can manage on just this and this, and those appointments are not convenient so I'll skip them." Would that be insane or not? Could I expect the same result by taking only a part of the recommended treatment?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I venture to say everyone here has come and gone, fell and gotten back up, many, many times.
But you need to make a plan and do the work. I'm finding that sobriety is the best place in the world and I'm so thankful for SR for helping me get here.
What is your plan?
But you need to make a plan and do the work. I'm finding that sobriety is the best place in the world and I'm so thankful for SR for helping me get here.
What is your plan?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Yup - I'm the same. I think the 'why' is because deep down inside we still think it's okay to have 'a drink' - that's definitely the hardest thing for me to shift. I wrote a letter to myself after my last bender - full of fear and panic. It's helped me stay sober this time. I'd recommend writing to yourself as a reminder of how **** you feel now. Gabe x
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