Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 3
Struggling
I recently got out of the hospital for an alcohol withdrawal related seizure however I still want to drink and use. I have been through treatment twice and other than the time spent there I was forced to be sober the past 10 days after getting out is the longest I haven't used any substances. Sadly, although I feel much better I have never been more alone or bored in my life. It is far easier to get sober then to maintain sobriety. I genuinely have no idea what to do it feels as though I have tried everything from meetings to therapists to psychiatrists yet it still feels as though I have a gaping hole inside of me that can only be filled by drugs or alcohol.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. 
What I do to 'fill that hole', is practice gratitude every day. 
It makes me happier too.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
What I do to 'fill that hole', is practice gratitude every day. It makes me happier too. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 3
Gratitude is definitely a great idea unfortunately when I get into negative moods its like I'm blind to all the positives around me. Its like I know what I should be doing and could give advice to anyone on what to do I just struggle to do the right thing myself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
hi and welcome pplowshare
yeah my void was bottomless too - no amount of 'stuff' - drugs alcohol whatever - could fill it.
So I stopped trying.
I thought about healing it instead & that's worked a lot better
No one expects you to have all the answers right now or to have built a whole new sober life.
I think the task for now is staying off the booze - all the rest will fall in behind that, in time.
Its a leap of faith sure, but it's not a very risky one - you'll find hundreds of happily sober people here...why not become a regular - you'll get some good ideas - and maybe not feel quite so alone?
D
yeah my void was bottomless too - no amount of 'stuff' - drugs alcohol whatever - could fill it.
So I stopped trying.
I thought about healing it instead & that's worked a lot better
No one expects you to have all the answers right now or to have built a whole new sober life.
I think the task for now is staying off the booze - all the rest will fall in behind that, in time.
Its a leap of faith sure, but it's not a very risky one - you'll find hundreds of happily sober people here...why not become a regular - you'll get some good ideas - and maybe not feel quite so alone?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 3
Unfortunately Ive tried meetings and had a bad experience where people were sharing what I was saying throughout the community. I know my former friends aren't really good for me at this point but Ive just never been more lonely in my life. Im not sure how to meet people who would be a positive influence in my life.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
PPlowshare, I think maybe your last reply ended up in the wrong thread. It was about that you have tried meetings and what you shared was talked about out in the community.
That is very sad. I have been around AA many years and have never had that happen to me. It is sad on a number of levels. The meeting or group or individual let you down. Probably an individual as I think of it. They broke one of the spiritual laws of AA. These laws are self enforcing. If its any conselation, if that person continues to harm people, they will probably get drunk. We never get away with willfull bad behaviour in my experience.
In another way it is even more sad because it has shut the door of AA to you and in a very real sense that could be a death sentence if you let it.
In early sobriety I once found myself in an intense situation with another member, one that I saw could have kept me out of AA too, and I knew that would be a death sentence for me. I realised I had to take some action to resolve the issue or I was done for. It was a tough time, but I did get the situation resilved and we are both alive today, though the other person drank a few times more.
In another post I mentioned the result for a man who let his father keep him out of AA. I mean this is like giving someone the power to actually kill.
Of course I really wanted to stop and I knew I didn't have much time. You might not want to, that happens too. I have seen people dying, like on their deathbed, in nappies, in tremendous pain from liver failure, and still want to drink. Not much to be done about that. I have met people with up to 30 rehabs, detoxs and hospital admissions before they wanted to stop. It takes what it takes. If you want to stop there is any amount of help, if you don't, well that is up to you, unless you lose your mind or the courts put you away.
That is very sad. I have been around AA many years and have never had that happen to me. It is sad on a number of levels. The meeting or group or individual let you down. Probably an individual as I think of it. They broke one of the spiritual laws of AA. These laws are self enforcing. If its any conselation, if that person continues to harm people, they will probably get drunk. We never get away with willfull bad behaviour in my experience.
In another way it is even more sad because it has shut the door of AA to you and in a very real sense that could be a death sentence if you let it.
In early sobriety I once found myself in an intense situation with another member, one that I saw could have kept me out of AA too, and I knew that would be a death sentence for me. I realised I had to take some action to resolve the issue or I was done for. It was a tough time, but I did get the situation resilved and we are both alive today, though the other person drank a few times more.
In another post I mentioned the result for a man who let his father keep him out of AA. I mean this is like giving someone the power to actually kill.
Of course I really wanted to stop and I knew I didn't have much time. You might not want to, that happens too. I have seen people dying, like on their deathbed, in nappies, in tremendous pain from liver failure, and still want to drink. Not much to be done about that. I have met people with up to 30 rehabs, detoxs and hospital admissions before they wanted to stop. It takes what it takes. If you want to stop there is any amount of help, if you don't, well that is up to you, unless you lose your mind or the courts put you away.
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