Two weeks sober and it's terrible
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1
Two weeks sober and it's terrible
I've been sober two weeks now and it's been terrible. At least it feels terrible. I know this is supposed to be good for me, but with quitting anything, I always find a new addiction. ALWAYS. I quit smoking three years ago and I'm proud to say that I have. However, my mild drinking before quitting smoking became heavy binge drinking a few nights a week after quite some time of being without cigarettes. I often feel it's a result of my anxiety that I seek out some kind of buffer for my constant throbbing mind that is in constant need of stimulation in some form. Quitting drinking has so far made me terribly irritable, unable to sleep, unable to eat, and wondering if I will relapse back in to my eating disorder. I am unable to consume a normal intake of calories because I feel completely out of control without some kind of vice, and once again I am finding I want to control my eating since I can't control the racing thoughts in my head. I need something to truly focus on. I feel as though I have an addictive personality and if it isn't one thing, it WILL be another. It's never intentional either it just happens every time. I need an outlet so I focus my attention on these forums and lists of things that I can do to make being sober feel less painfully dull. I keep trying things and find I'm either no good at them or too critical of myself to enjoy them. I need reassurance that I'm good enough at something or I'll just go back - I know it. I don't have a lot of friends, and when I say that I'm not kidding. I have, like, no one. At least no one who really seems to pay attention when I speak which only makes it more difficult. Being someone who doesn't want to come off weak and whiny, I shut up and close up. I don't reach out because I want to do this alone as I have everything else in my life. But quitting all vices just leaves me itching for something to provide me that feeling of contentment again. I just want to feel good more days than not and that has never really been a thing for me. I have a laundry list of mental issues that talking to someone does nothing to resolve. It only makes me more irritable. I am currently uninsured and cannot afford any kind of treatment at the moment, I have far too many expenses while also trying to save to move out. I have too many pressures and stressors and I can't really afford to escape them, so booze always seemed like a small price to pay for a moment of clarity and momentary peace in my busy brain. I have tried reading (boring as hell), writing, drawing, art, creating with my hands (as I am a hairdresser - which I hate) and I am stuck just trying to get by. I talk to people all day and it is EXHAUSTING. I am part therapist/stylist and have no one to dump on and no one I want to dump on. I've always been very independent but this time I feel completely without any idea what steps to take to get through this. All of these suggestions are wearing me thin, as I don't know how any more nights I can cry and lay in bed awake until morning having never slept. I don't know what to do. Zero motivation, and losing my will to keep going. I need to do something but I think I hate myself too much to think I can do a damn thing. Please don't suggest treatment, I have been hospitalized and medicated multiple times to no avail. I don't see myself taking that route or going in to massive amounts of debt. I don't have the capacity. I just need to know how to get through this. I need the "how-to", so to speak. Anything. Just one freakin thing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I'd find a positive 'outlet' (working out,arts,writing,cars,guns,motorcycles,animals,cra fts,ect..) There's all sorts of stuff to do and most can be done for free or at a minimal(cheaper than drinking) cost. You just have to do them. AA is also a fantastic and cheap 'outlet'...just saying. After reading your post again..I really think AA would be great for you and I'm not an AA'er.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi ans welcoem Julia Chrostine 
yeah the first few weeks are pretty terrible - thats why I lot of people go back to drinking,.
Support really helps tho - and you'll find a lot of that here- and for your eating disorder as well . We;re always here 24/7
I promise that this is not the best it gets - it gets WAY better
D
yeah the first few weeks are pretty terrible - thats why I lot of people go back to drinking,.
Support really helps tho - and you'll find a lot of that here- and for your eating disorder as well . We;re always here 24/7
I promise that this is not the best it gets - it gets WAY better
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry for what brings you here, but I'm so glad you found us.
You've noticed yourself that sobriety without recovery is not a comfortable place to be, and that's why recovery plans are mentioned on here so much. I'm another person whose addictions just come out sideways when I don't practice a program of recovery that keeps sobriety comfortable and sustainable. Plenty of folk do end up cross addicting.
I agree that AA is worth ago. You've managed to stay sober for 2 weeks now, so it's not the physical aspects that are causing this so much as the dis-ease. Feeling uncomfortable around your sober self knowing that there will be no escape bottle to pour reality away any time soon. No false-comfort blanket of oblivion to hide under for a while. And I remember being quite disconnected with this sober-self I was left 'abandoned' (so it felt) with. Still, it was a month in before I made it to my first AA meeting. An experience I'll never forget. The room (lunch time inner city meeting) was full of all males who all seemed like life had given them a pretty rough deal. Although, granted, they seemed much happier and more comfortable that I felt at that time. But as a young female teacher, I wasnt sure that this bunch were realky likely to understand the pressures I was under, and definitely not 'get' how I was feeling. But when they started talking (sharing) it was as if they'd read my mind. Did they know me? Had they been secretly following me? Maybe this was all a big set up. But how could it be? I'd never told anyone, ever about those thoughts and feelings. Not a single person. Not even my best and closest friends or my parents. Yet here were these rough old men just splashing the same thoughts and feelings around as if they were okay to talk about. I knew then that these AAers has something I needed, and if nothing else I took away some hope that day. And that hope was the lifebuoy that kept me afloat into sobriety until I was also willing to learn from their experiences and start my own 12-step recovery program. Since then I've never been at a meeting where the mix was like it was that day. Every other meeting I've attended has had a good share of females and have been mostly other professional folk. Who knows what happened that day. But it was a good early lesson in the similarities being far more important than the differences will ever be, and maybe that was what I needed to get me started.
Anyway. Please keep reading and posting. I hope you are going to start some recovery work and give yourself some peace in the longer term.
BB
You've noticed yourself that sobriety without recovery is not a comfortable place to be, and that's why recovery plans are mentioned on here so much. I'm another person whose addictions just come out sideways when I don't practice a program of recovery that keeps sobriety comfortable and sustainable. Plenty of folk do end up cross addicting.
I agree that AA is worth ago. You've managed to stay sober for 2 weeks now, so it's not the physical aspects that are causing this so much as the dis-ease. Feeling uncomfortable around your sober self knowing that there will be no escape bottle to pour reality away any time soon. No false-comfort blanket of oblivion to hide under for a while. And I remember being quite disconnected with this sober-self I was left 'abandoned' (so it felt) with. Still, it was a month in before I made it to my first AA meeting. An experience I'll never forget. The room (lunch time inner city meeting) was full of all males who all seemed like life had given them a pretty rough deal. Although, granted, they seemed much happier and more comfortable that I felt at that time. But as a young female teacher, I wasnt sure that this bunch were realky likely to understand the pressures I was under, and definitely not 'get' how I was feeling. But when they started talking (sharing) it was as if they'd read my mind. Did they know me? Had they been secretly following me? Maybe this was all a big set up. But how could it be? I'd never told anyone, ever about those thoughts and feelings. Not a single person. Not even my best and closest friends or my parents. Yet here were these rough old men just splashing the same thoughts and feelings around as if they were okay to talk about. I knew then that these AAers has something I needed, and if nothing else I took away some hope that day. And that hope was the lifebuoy that kept me afloat into sobriety until I was also willing to learn from their experiences and start my own 12-step recovery program. Since then I've never been at a meeting where the mix was like it was that day. Every other meeting I've attended has had a good share of females and have been mostly other professional folk. Who knows what happened that day. But it was a good early lesson in the similarities being far more important than the differences will ever be, and maybe that was what I needed to get me started.
Anyway. Please keep reading and posting. I hope you are going to start some recovery work and give yourself some peace in the longer term.
BB
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Julia,
I know it is terrible at two weeks. This was a big thing with alcoholism. It wasn't only about what happened to me when I drank, it was just as much about what happened to me when I didn't drink.
My last spell, trying to do it on my own, apart from sitting in one or two AA meetings a week, I lasted three weeks until it became so uncomfortable that I had to drink. Then I came back thinking how the heck will I ever get three weeks again. That is 21 whole days, an eternity to me.
I didn't have any money and, thought there was a free rehab available after 6 weeks, I had been that route before and found that they couldn't fix me last time, so how would they fix me this time? I got on a bus went back to AA, and began following the suggestions. I did a lot of meetings and they helped, but the main thing was a found a sponsor and began working the steps.
I didn't start this journey with any thought of success. It was the last cab on the rank so to speak, and I didn't take a note of the date I stopped. I didn't really think it would work for me. Before I knew it my sponsor called and told me I had been sober for three months. No one was more surprised than me.
By that time I was well into the steps, and my life had changed incredibly. People outsde of AA were treating me cmletely differently. They saw some change that I was not yet aware of myself. An amazing experience, and a highly effective path out of the misery you presently find yourself in.
I know it is terrible at two weeks. This was a big thing with alcoholism. It wasn't only about what happened to me when I drank, it was just as much about what happened to me when I didn't drink.
My last spell, trying to do it on my own, apart from sitting in one or two AA meetings a week, I lasted three weeks until it became so uncomfortable that I had to drink. Then I came back thinking how the heck will I ever get three weeks again. That is 21 whole days, an eternity to me.
I didn't have any money and, thought there was a free rehab available after 6 weeks, I had been that route before and found that they couldn't fix me last time, so how would they fix me this time? I got on a bus went back to AA, and began following the suggestions. I did a lot of meetings and they helped, but the main thing was a found a sponsor and began working the steps.
I didn't start this journey with any thought of success. It was the last cab on the rank so to speak, and I didn't take a note of the date I stopped. I didn't really think it would work for me. Before I knew it my sponsor called and told me I had been sober for three months. No one was more surprised than me.
By that time I was well into the steps, and my life had changed incredibly. People outsde of AA were treating me cmletely differently. They saw some change that I was not yet aware of myself. An amazing experience, and a highly effective path out of the misery you presently find yourself in.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I found that I needed to find a recovery program that suited me and then work it. Just "not drinking" is hell on earth. I needed to learn how to act and be in the world. I have multiple addictions too, if I quiet one, another will act out unless I work my recovery program.
All the best to you.
All the best to you.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Congrats on two weeks and welcome!
There are healthier ways to deal with racing thoughts than addiction or eating disorder. Such as:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...acing-thoughts
Or if you need it, professional help.
Originally Posted by JuliaChristine 
... since I can't control the racing thoughts in my head...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...acing-thoughts
Or if you need it, professional help.
Vietnam Vet
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Hi Julia,
I know it is terrible at two weeks. This was a big thing with alcoholism. It wasn't only about what happened to me when I drank, it was just as much about what happened to me when I didn't drink.
My last spell, trying to do it on my own, apart from sitting in one or two AA meetings a week, I lasted three weeks until it became so uncomfortable that I had to drink. Then I came back thinking how the heck will I ever get three weeks again. That is 21 whole days, an eternity to me.
I didn't have any money and, thought there was a free rehab available after 6 weeks, I had been that route before and found that they couldn't fix me last time, so how would they fix me this time? I got on a bus went back to AA, and began following the suggestions. I did a lot of meetings and they helped, but the main thing was a found a sponsor and began working the steps.
I didn't start this journey with any thought of success. It was the last cab on the rank so to speak, and I didn't take a note of the date I stopped. I didn't really think it would work for me. Before I knew it my sponsor called and told me I had been sober for three months. No one was more surprised than me.
By that time I was well into the steps, and my life had changed incredibly. People outside of AA were treating me completely differently. They saw some change that I was not yet aware of myself. An amazing experience, and a highly effective path out of the misery you presently find yourself in.
I know it is terrible at two weeks. This was a big thing with alcoholism. It wasn't only about what happened to me when I drank, it was just as much about what happened to me when I didn't drink.
My last spell, trying to do it on my own, apart from sitting in one or two AA meetings a week, I lasted three weeks until it became so uncomfortable that I had to drink. Then I came back thinking how the heck will I ever get three weeks again. That is 21 whole days, an eternity to me.
I didn't have any money and, thought there was a free rehab available after 6 weeks, I had been that route before and found that they couldn't fix me last time, so how would they fix me this time? I got on a bus went back to AA, and began following the suggestions. I did a lot of meetings and they helped, but the main thing was a found a sponsor and began working the steps.
I didn't start this journey with any thought of success. It was the last cab on the rank so to speak, and I didn't take a note of the date I stopped. I didn't really think it would work for me. Before I knew it my sponsor called and told me I had been sober for three months. No one was more surprised than me.
By that time I was well into the steps, and my life had changed incredibly. People outside of AA were treating me completely differently. They saw some change that I was not yet aware of myself. An amazing experience, and a highly effective path out of the misery you presently find yourself in.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome, JuliaChristine. Early sobriety is rough, especially without a plan. I don't currently attend AA but it has been a great help to me, especially in realizing our similarities and being around people who really get it.
This site has been a great help to me in getting and staying sober; lots of wonderful advice and camaraderie to be found here. I hope you stick around and post often. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
This site has been a great help to me in getting and staying sober; lots of wonderful advice and camaraderie to be found here. I hope you stick around and post often. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR! Congrats on 2 weeks, and your decision to pursue a happy sober life! 
Don't believe everything you think.
As for one thing:
Volunteer at an animal shelter. Nobody playing with puppies and/or kittens is sad.
Ever.
Originally Posted by JuliaChristine
I need to do something but I think I hate myself too much to think I can do a damn thing.
As for one thing:
Volunteer at an animal shelter. Nobody playing with puppies and/or kittens is sad.
Ever.
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