Ajohns

At this point I need advice. I have been married to my husband for 3 years now. We have a 4 year old and a 4 month old. He recently got drunk at my parents and tried to leave in his truck, and in the process damaged his truck by backing into something. I have delt with his binge episodes for about 5 years now. It seems to come on about every 3 to 6 months. One time he even rolled his truck, luckily he walked away without a scratch and didn't get caught by police. But with small children I can't do this anymore. He has gotten help before and has been sober for about a year but just goes right back. He has had 2 dui's also that he had gotten before we had met. I feel guilty in a way for kicking him out because our daughter adores him and she already at such a young age gets mad at me for yelling at dad or that dad isn't coming home. But I'm physically and mentally exhausted. Even when I was pregnant both times he would go out on binges even the night before I was due. He blames it on nerves but he also claims he accepts he has a problem. He is a great person and I do love him but I can't do this vicious cycle anymore. He is currently seeing a therapist but in all honesty she seems like a joke. Hypnotherapy is her specialty and when he tells me what she says it's the exact same thing I tell him.....anyone else deal with significant others going on periodic binges?

lessgravity

I was the significant other going on periodic binges. I can only say that he has to quit the drinking himself. As I'm sure others will say here - you have to only do right by yourself and your kids. He is valuing the booze over his family, whether it takes you kicking him out to help him see the light or whether he loses you and the kids because he wants to get drunk will be up to him.

Wishing you the best and welcome to SR.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Ajohns. As mentioned above, it's really going to take him making the effort and wanting to quit before he will. I was the drunk husband in the relationship and I can tell you that while I was actively drinking, alcohol was the most important thing in my life. Above and beyond my family, my job, everything. Addiction is an incredibly selfish thing, but it's also something the addict can change.

This statement you made kind of sums up the illogical nature of addiction

He blames it on nerves but he also claims he accepts he has a problem.

It's not technically possible to accept your problem and blame it on something else at the same time of course. It sounds like he's done some work on getting sober and the fact that he was for a year is a good sign for sure. But addiction never leaves us, so we have to make an absolute plan that permanent abstincence is the only solution.

Anna

I'm glad that you are aware that this is having a negative impact on your children. I hope that you can take care of yourself and your children. I also hope that your husband decides to stop drinking for good, but unless and until he does, there is little you can do.

You might like to check out AlAnon in your city as a support for you.

BlownOne

What Scott said.

trailmix

Hi AJohns,

You might want to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum as well:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

You might also find this section of the "stickies" found at the top of this same forum helpful:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

The 3 Cs are important to remember, you didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it.