OT- dating
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
OT- dating
Okay, I have already made up my mind. Still what do you think? I was chatting with someone on a dating website and we were comparing interests/likes. He mentioned Woody Allen movies. I said I once liked them but would no longer financially support Woody since the whole thing with his 18 year old adopted daughter. What I got in reply was Brahms was forgiven(!) - an entirely different situation where no wrongdoing was ever proven, but basically we have what artists have to offer, and he compared it to having an old VW with its quirks. I was shocked. People are not cars , and Woody Allen took advantage of a girl who was 18- at 18, you are so naive, and I decided right then and there, I couldn't go out with a guy who doesn't think that such behavior is morally wrong.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
I like to think of dating as 'gathering information'. And, then I yell, "NEXT!" and wait for the next dude to come along, lol!
Good for you for being willing to not bother with this guy if it bothers you. I remember not wanting to go out with a guy because I couldn't get past how he laughed. I know, stupid, but it grated on me and I thought there was no way I could listen to that on a regular basis.
Good for you for being willing to not bother with this guy if it bothers you. I remember not wanting to go out with a guy because I couldn't get past how he laughed. I know, stupid, but it grated on me and I thought there was no way I could listen to that on a regular basis.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
qtpi, I think it's probably just as well that you found out early on that you and this guy apparently are not on the same page regarding ethics and morals. In my mind, that's an area where it's mighty important to be in agreement w/your partner! Like lizatola said, dating is for gathering info. You gathered your info and the result was "no match." Good for you for realizing this and not setting out to change his mind!
Next!
Next!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I believe you made a wise decision.
Best to surround ourselves with like minded people, those that share the same type interests, values and moral compass.
Not sure how anyone can think getting romantically involved with your 18 year old daughter is acceptable, ( adoption aside Woody and Mia welcomed her into their home as one of their own)
Good on you for getting away from that type of thought process. That is just twisted, and sick, sick, sick!
Best to surround ourselves with like minded people, those that share the same type interests, values and moral compass.
Not sure how anyone can think getting romantically involved with your 18 year old daughter is acceptable, ( adoption aside Woody and Mia welcomed her into their home as one of their own)
Good on you for getting away from that type of thought process. That is just twisted, and sick, sick, sick!
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 184
Dating again is so hard. I feel like I am so overly critical and looking for the red flags after being with an abusive A. Anyone who is more than a social drinker—they’re an alcoholic. Even if they are a social drinker, maybe they’re really an alcoholic who doesn’t admit it. They show the least little inclinination to be forward or assertive, they’re going to be an abuser because they’re using power and control already. The pool shrinks by the day. I did find one guy, whom I shared just the G rated version of the story, and he didn’t run yet. He’s funny and he’s hanging in there. We’ll see...
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
qtpi, I have to say, this thread has made me think about what I'd view as a red flag...not that I'm dating or even have any faintest plan to do so, but just in a general way.
As I was returning from my delivery route this AM, I was at a red light next to a car, blasting rap music out the open windows, replete w/references to "bitches" and "ho's." I thought to myself, "now THAT is a deal-breaker for me!" I'd never in a million years consider dating someone who listened to music of that kind w/its horrible misogynistic attitude--but clearly plenty of girls aren't bothered by it at all...
As I was returning from my delivery route this AM, I was at a red light next to a car, blasting rap music out the open windows, replete w/references to "bitches" and "ho's." I thought to myself, "now THAT is a deal-breaker for me!" I'd never in a million years consider dating someone who listened to music of that kind w/its horrible misogynistic attitude--but clearly plenty of girls aren't bothered by it at all...
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think each of us are going to have different kinds of deal breakers based on our own experiences, morals, values, beliefs and time in our own recovery. I know someone from the program who would never date an alcoholic but she didn’t have a problem dating someone who was a known cheater and had been divorced 4 times. Another person didn’t mind dating someone who drank as long as they didn’t do drugs.
I personally think it is our own level of recovery and healthy thinking that will guide us.
I personally think it is our own level of recovery and healthy thinking that will guide us.
Trailmix - that meme, "What's delaying my dinner?"
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