Shredder22

I don't want him back even if I'm grieving and ruminating I'm 34 and grateful no kids not married. I see the progression. Seeing all the times he cried for his daughter, over me, over deaths. Do they feel empathy when they wake up before they hit the bottle. I know I'm powerless over this and who cares but I just want to know for all the vets. If they really put you through the ringer are they even aware or at some point do they get that aha moment like wow I had a great person now I'm just a loser living from home to home, anyone with alcohol. No, I'm not looking for him to return it would be the biggest mistake. Financially, mentally, physicially, verbally, self esteem, confidence, could potentially kill you, get cops over your place and spiral the drain. I can't talk about this to only friends or family as its been 45 days you guys and my 2 therapists are my support. I don't wish death upon anyone and it looks like he is in the worse stage. Do they ever realize the damage they did and last question I'm sorry vets if he is with his child's mother shake her hand right you can have the dysfunction. She already tried treatment 4 years ago for him he left in 2 days and she was pregnant. She kicked him out and remarried twice so she moved in. I know I'm still grieving if she did go back that would be the worst thing she could do for her family and I dodged a bullet. I promise today I accomplished so much. I'm so happy nights and mornings bother me the most and hurt. I structured my entire routine this week. Sorry for irritating the in recovery for quite some time vets who have beat codependency or are just about healed. I'm sorrythanks

SparkleKitty

Some realize the damage, some don’t . Some care, some don’t. Some recover, some don’t.

Putting your life on hold to find out which one of the above he is would be a real tragedy.

BDTL

What SparkleKitty said. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Many of us came home so screwed up in the head that we don't know how to love. I can't remember the last time I shed a tear. For some reason tears won't come.. Not sure if I have so much stuff pent up inside or that my heart is calloused. I was a selfish person for so many years thinking it was all about me. Lately I have learned the value of giving instead of taking and life is changing for the better. It really does my heart good to help others and to see them turn around. Forgetting myself and wishing the best for my fellow human is my goal here forth.

It sounds like in your case you have made a wise decision to move on.

marie1960

In my past personal experience, the active ,selfish, self absorbed, alcoholic remained clueless of his unacceptable and hurtful behavior.

No need to shake anyone hand and comment on any dysfunction, you no longer live there. Keep your eye on YOUR future. A future without toxic circumstances and consequences.

Keep your focus and embrace your new journey.

Onefortheditch

My now ex;

“My first partner: she was a nutter
My second partner (wife): she was a psycho
My 3rd partner: she was a mental case!!!”

I can just imagine what he’s saying about me. So no, I don’t think they learn. If one does then they are a rarity

atalose

When I hear recovering A’s talk about their past, they often say my husband or my wife or my child or my best friend or my neighbor TOLD me how bad I was and told me all the embarrassing things I did to myself and my family. Some can remember specific incidents but in general they are told the things that they should be sorry about because they really can’t remember.

You know how many wake up in jail or a hospital and have no clue how or why they are even there. Blackout drunks who can’t remember a thing, and yet we want and expect normal remorse and sorrow from them.

When someone hurts us it’s normal to expect them to have or show remorse or sorrow but we are not dealing with normal here, we are dealing with alcoholics and drugs addicts.