Renvate

Hi everyone.

I have slipped up this month of July.

i drank on the 1st then on 8th then on the 14th. All on the weekends at social events.

I had 2 months behind me and the sheer boredom at home plus the uneasy tension in social events was what made me crack.

Its been a week again and i could already feel the new habit of every Saturday.

So today was some strange day of anger and isolation, i slept most of the day and distracted myself from the cravings to get a box of beer for my Saturday evening at home. I can say i succeeded.


The issue in today's thread is my anti-social view on life. I dont know what it is, but iam not there with people. Ive been attending social groups, all sober and I just can't click or stick any convo anymore, i just feel drained doing it.

Some people try to engage with me but i actually avoid this engagement for some reason, its hard to describe, but I am turning into an anti-social bitter person as I don't follow any real social dynamics anymore.


I don't see people, as what they used to be, friends. i have 0 interest in them, i see fake masks and fake laughter. I know they are good people.

sorry to sound like an uptight antisocial pr*ck.

This feeling is not new, its been around for a while I've just never paid attention to it because I was in an emotional drunk state.

i guess my question is, how do i start looking on the brighter side of life? it seems like everyone is either breaking up, divorcing or dying? wtf is wrong with the world?

iam sorry but even reading things on SR is just a testament that we are all going through "***ed up" things in life and it seems like no one is ever at peace.

Ive also noticed staying sober ( minus the relapses) is very draining, its on your mind 24/7. It even becomes a focal point in conversations with new people

do you see what i mean? my chit chat topics are "how long have you been sober"?

anyway thanks for reading my rant, ill just finish by saying iam not really finding any outlets for my emotions, it used to be drinking but now it all just bottles up, there's only so many times you can refold your laundry to distract yourself.

Lascaux

Sometimes holing up is the right time to do - I'm staying home today because I've relapsed on so many weekends that I know if I go out on Saturday I'll stop at the liquor store. Beyond that, are there any places you like that you can enjoy sober? Walking on the beach, visiting a museum, going to the dog park? You don't have to be around people until you need to be.

Renvate

thanks, Lascaux

the problem is I am going nuts in social settings AND alone at home. No dog park or museum is going to save me from my mind.

the one place that keeps me sane though is my job. i find working with my hands is very therapeutic, that's probably the reason for my mood today. I've been dreading the weekend.

tekink

Going place where people are drinking lead to many relapses myself. Staying sober was only on your my 24/7 in the early days. It takes a while to get rid of the "grab a drink" reflex but staying away and time will ease it up!

fini

yes, i remember well being focused on sobriety-related reading, conversations, thinking in the first few months. to me, this was exciting. my new life. new real way of being.
yep, new people i met, depending on circumstances and reasons for meeting, i talked about my new adventure.
i was immersed in sobriety-stuff, and that felt right and invigorating.
i am sorry to hear it is a drain to you.
and just for the record, i am often at peace.
just saying, in case you really believe that no-one is ever at peace.
it is all possible.
what are you doing to make changes in your life? sounds like you might need to "grow"(groan at that overused word) in ways other than just not drinking. i didn't get to any real peace until much later after stopping drinking.
as you are seeing, it is in the mind.

trachemys

So, get a second job. You like working, work more. Second job, volunteer, stay busy.

Renvate

Thanks, Fini

I am growing, but feeling like its into the wrong person.

Don't get me wrong being sober is much better than drinking, there is no doubt in my mind about it.

I guess I am at this point where its me looking at the jigsaw puzzle of my life. And pieces are not fitting nor do i know where to start. It also the frustration that this feeling has been there for years.

I am having a hard time to explain.

sonic0311

You're so early on in your sobriety. Give yourself a break. Yes, find activities that you like that you can do alone. I don't know where you live, but assuming it's in an area with some amount of art scene, go to the museum, go to the library, go see some music(though not at a club where booze is being served), take a long walk. Being by yourself is not a crime, and you may never warm up to wanting to be around people. That's ok. Just find activities that you enjoy, and indulge in them and yourself. Best of luck. It's worth it.

biminiblue

I spend a lot of time alone because I like my own company better than that of a lot of people. When I want company, I can find it in lots of places.

Really, you haven't been sober for any continuous amount of time and it takes several months to start feeling normal. The awfulness fades - but it takes time.

Give yourself a break and give yourself some months. I tried to focus on things that are good for me and for which I can be grateful. A good healthy meal complete with the planning, shopping and cooking and cleaning that goes along with it. I do that every day. I also take a walk outdoors. Those things are simple and good for my soul.

How about a gratitude list? Three things every evening just before sleep.

Berrybean

Are you still going to AA? If not, perhaps you could reintroduce this. It woukd be good to break the pattern of isolation and get used to talking to people sober in a safe environment where people understand what you're going through.

That growth you talk about takes sober time and work on our recovery. It will come If you give it some commitment,

BB

eyes99

What do you like to do with your hands? Is there a weekend leisure group that you can join that does the same thing? Woodworking, painting, etc?

Also, do you want to be social or do you think that you should be social?

Rar

From Renvate: " The issue in today's thread is my anti-social view on life. I dont know what it is, but iam not there with people. Ive been attending social groups, all sober and I just can't click or stick any convo anymore, i just feel drained doing it.

Some people try to engage with me but i actually avoid this engagement for some reason, its hard to describe, but I am turning into an anti-social bitter person as I don't follow any real social dynamics anymore."

This has become me also. I find myself not participating in group conversations preferring to listen. I feel like being alone, but at my age, social isolation is not good and so I make myself participate in group activities. I need to do more because I'm alone a lot.

I just want to lend my support and understanding. I am hoping this passes.

Dee74

Hi renvate

Truth be told I'm often still not at ease socially outside close family and friends but I'm much much better than I was and accept my uneasiness as a part of being me now.

The point is... it took me way longer than two months to be at ease socially.

I think you have to look at this as a marathon not a sprint.

Locking the doors and drawing the curtains is a proven recovery method - but it's not sustainable.

I found lot of things to do that need not involve alcohol - movies, cafes, picnics, walks, museums...

Your sober life can be anything you want to to be...but you have actually to build it - no one else can do that for you.

You also need patience and a little faith.

Those 2 months were not the best it gets, I promise

D

Truthseeker11

I isolate myself a lot too but lately I’ve just been driving my car and sitting the shade of a park on my phone. It gets me out a bit. Or ride my bike or look at health books in the book store, or whatever sounds good. I don’t have to deal with people too much with any of those things. I think most are hard for me to get close to. I find that when I stop worrying about things and just live in the moment, go for a walk, headphones or not, etc, I seem to atttact good things in my life than if I’m always in my own head. I’m my own worst enemy that way.

That all said, I’m on Day 1 and given myself permission to whole up in my room. Order groceries for delivery if you have to and tell them to leave them on the doorstep. I do this as one of my jobs, you don’t even have to see anyone. Some days will be good and some bad. I hope tomorrow is a good one for you. No one is ever as happy as you think but they make a choice I think, to make the most of what they’ve been given.

Truthseeker11

Weekends are the worst for me too. I always feel like everyone is out having a good time except me. Working most of the weekend days have helped with that and evenings I’ve actually found that most of my friends are just home by themselves too doing whatever they can to entertain themselves. That makes me feel better somehow.

rascalwhiteoak

Hi Renvate. My default stance is also usually solo. I'm okay with it; the trick is to not hold resentments against those to whom social activity comes easily. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. Small talk especially is something I struggle with.

And lately, I've felt the need to be more social. It came as a shock, but there it is. Bars and churches are both non-starters for me, so I'm also trying to figure it out I guess.