SWB

Well I’ve finally hit what I believe to be my bottom. I’ve spent most of my stacation drinking and I don’t know what I fell on, but woke up with a huge black eye. This can’t go on.

doggonecarl

You hit bottom when you quit digging. What are you going to do to get yourself out of it.

Ghostlight1

I hit bottom and bounced many times. Maybe this will be your last. I hope so.
Do you have a plan to quit drinking? It sure helped me when I really got serious that the madness had to stop.
Best to you.

SWB

All I know is I will not drink today.

SWB

I’m also debating telling my girlfriend that I’ve been secretly drinking for a year. Things aren’t great right now so I’m unsure about telling her.

ChloeRose63

What do you expect your gf to do or say? Or do you need to confess and come clean so you can begin your recovery? Glad you are here at SR. You will find lots of support.

DontRemember

My "bottom" was a cumulative sum and it sounds like your's is too. I was in a dead end, toxic back/fourth relationship. Drinking AT "people,places,things". I have and make great money and was still late on my payments because of "f'it!!". If I were you, I'd not even say anything to your gf..get yourself sober for you and then re-access where you're at 'mentally' in a couple months. Focus on you getting better and don't use the " I'm an addict" excuse for your behavior while drinking. Own your stuff and do something about it..that's my advice. Also, hit up a few AA meetings and see if they're for you. I no longer go to AA,but they got me started(with the 'push' from the court).

Bailey3

Your girlfriend either knows or suspects. Like DontRemember said get sober and, find a way to stay sober. That’s the best thing you can do for your relationship.

january161992

i hope it gets better

God bless!

Hevyn

Maybe write down how miserable you feel right now, how regretful you are. We tend to forget - our memory grows dim - then we pick up again, thinking we'll handle it 'this time'. Yet we never do. Downward we continue to go. It can stop now, SWB. No reason to continue putting yourself in danger. You can get free.

Dee74

Sounds like you need a plan SWB. Any ideas?

D

least

As Carl said, bottom is when you stop digging. Develop a plan to stay sober and work it like your life depends on it - cause it does.

resolute50

I can tell you that relationship's do much better when sober. She might already know. But, from this point on, make it become how things used to be.

August252015

Glad you are sharing- how are you today?

A final decision to stay sober was my first step, getting into a program (AA) ...and working on myself first, all these had to be my absolute focus. Everything followed from that.

You can do this- today.

SWB

Well, against my better judgment I told her every thing last night. She was as is completely pissed at me. I don’t blame her I lied to her. I felt I needed to do that so I absolutely won’t drink. Still having some tremors and anxiety today.

Caralara144

My recovery began when I opened up and was 100 per cent honest with my family about just how much I was drinking ..no lies no dishonesty ..I had done that for to long ...I'm almost 7 months sober and have the full support of my family
Best decision I have ever made
Wishing you all the luck in the world x
Cara

D122y

Ime...the fewer people I opened up to about my not drinking...the better.

No drama, simply my new better healthy smarter lifestyle.

When pressed I tell folks I don't drink any more. I don't like booze anymore.

Some push...not at all? I offer...pretty much.

I remember my jerk brother in law whispering to folks after I turned down some fancy whiskey. Whatever man.

For me...not drinking is an internal battle best left alone.

I come here to get therapy.

I didn't fit into the AA meetings I attended. I usually left the meetings feeling like...blah.

This place makes me happy.

Whatever works.

Thanks.

MindfulMan

That's not a staycation, that's called a binge.

I tell almost everyone I'm sober if it comes up. Matter of factly, and usually immediately assure them that it won't bother me in the slightest if they have a cocktail. I went to a band gathering yesterday and saw people I hadn't seen in over 10 years, but most not since I stopped drinking. As I was a member of a group of fans known as the Liquor Locusts due to our hard partying, many were surprised...but also not surprised. I felt more authentic and present by having a matter of fact conversation. Telling people makes you accountable. It says "I have a drinking problem, and if you see me acting drunk I probably am." It also normalizes not drinking for me. I don't drink. Period.

Since I've lost 40 pounds and gotten into great physical shape and grown a beard, nobody recognized me. I would say hello to people and they STILL didn't know who it was. One person texted me and said "Come back to the raffle area I want to say hi!" Funny thing I was practically standing in front of her and watched her type the text!

Gerard52

You need to judge what her reaction will be. It may be better to get AF and on the path to recovery then tell her if you have been doing it for a year secretly. That would be more positive that you are on the way to recovery.

ScottFromWI

I don't think honesty with someone close to you should go against your better judgment. There's no way you can be a blackout drunk without people knowing around you anyway - so while she may have not known the extent she certainly knew. It's another trick our addiction likes to play on us that we are somehow so clever that people won't notice our drinking, or that we hide it well. But I guarantee you she, and likely others, know.

Regarding the tremors, don't rule out some medical attention if things get too bad. WD's can get progressively worse ( AKA kindling ) over time so please be safe.