Extremely new here and struggling
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 5
Extremely new here and struggling
I just have a question regarding rehab facilities, my fiancé has been using drugs for two years we were broke up at the time and we got back together and now he is a drug addict. Definitely not the man that I was with for five years prior....
Anyways he basically hit rock bottom and we were breaking up and the company he works for put him in a private facility for drug addiction and mental illness, anyway he’s been there for about 17 or 18 days so far, and I am wondering why he’s taking money out of his bank account? He has taken out $320 and I’m wondering what this would be for as All food and snacks and everything is provided —- is this normal?? We don’t talk because I currently have a restraining order against him because the night before he went to rehab he broke my front door down and the police put a no contact order in place so he isn’t allowed to call me.. I am worried he is finding drugs or something in the rehab facility? Is this possible?
Anyways he basically hit rock bottom and we were breaking up and the company he works for put him in a private facility for drug addiction and mental illness, anyway he’s been there for about 17 or 18 days so far, and I am wondering why he’s taking money out of his bank account? He has taken out $320 and I’m wondering what this would be for as All food and snacks and everything is provided —- is this normal?? We don’t talk because I currently have a restraining order against him because the night before he went to rehab he broke my front door down and the police put a no contact order in place so he isn’t allowed to call me.. I am worried he is finding drugs or something in the rehab facility? Is this possible?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Why are you accessing his bank records?
Leave it alone. You have a restraining order. That usually means you don't stalk the guy.
The police would not like it if they found out you were accessing his accounts. It might even be illegal. Regardless, none of your business.
He's an adult and can spend his money however he chooses.
I'd say leave it alone and count your blessings that you don't have to deal with him. He sounds scary and you deserve better.
Leave it alone. You have a restraining order. That usually means you don't stalk the guy.
The police would not like it if they found out you were accessing his accounts. It might even be illegal. Regardless, none of your business.
He's an adult and can spend his money however he chooses.
I'd say leave it alone and count your blessings that you don't have to deal with him. He sounds scary and you deserve better.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
The police would not like it if they found out you were accessing his accounts. It might even be illegal. Regardless, none of your business.
whether or not it is normal behavior.....in early recovery there really isnt any normal behavior.
it reads like hes been doin drugs for quite a while now. all that time of delusional thinking wont be resolved in 18 days.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Shelleyj
Because we share a bank account! We are still
Together ! I told him if he went to rehab we could try again. And it’s our money he is spending actually.
Wow look like I came to the wrong place for advice.
Together ! I told him if he went to rehab we could try again. And it’s our money he is spending actually.
Wow look like I came to the wrong place for advice.
you did say
why he’s taking money out of his bank account.
and now the story changed already.
how can we help if the story is going to change?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, that's not how you presented it. "His" account and "Our" account = two different things.
Plus you said you broke up and there IS a RO.
Good luck to you. Didn't mean to push your buttons. I've just been there, it's best to stay out of it.
Plus you said you broke up and there IS a RO.
Good luck to you. Didn't mean to push your buttons. I've just been there, it's best to stay out of it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 5
We have a joint account and there is three account within it. One is a savings for me and one is a savings for him and one is for bills. We have access to see it all. Both of us. It was not the point of my post whatsoever and I didn’t change anything. Anyways no need to reply I will not be back. I’d delete the post if I knew how.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
if he has free access to the account, then there isn't much you can do about his w/ds, or what he is spending the money on.
not sure what you were expecting......you state you have an RO against this guy.....that is an indicator that things are not good at all between you.....he broke the door down!! that is a violent and scary act. the police are trying to protect you.
not sure what you were expecting......you state you have an RO against this guy.....that is an indicator that things are not good at all between you.....he broke the door down!! that is a violent and scary act. the police are trying to protect you.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Shellyj -
When any of us first begin to realize what we are dealing with, it comes as a shock and carries with it a lot of fear, anxiety, questions and confusion. It is a lot to unpack.
One of the first things that goes out the window when one is dealing with an addict is the peace that allows us to trust in our own inner knowledge. In my experience, every single time I thought something wasn't right - it was. It only took me a while to figure it out or get enough proof to validate what I already knew.
It sounds as though on some level, you already know he's doing something "not right" in that facility. And yes, my addict had no problem getting drugs while in rehab. Even if it isn't drugs - your intuition is telling you to protect yourself. So, some of the practical advice above is probably a good idea.
It is unfair and hard to have to figure out how to protect yourself from someone who is supposed to love you, but it is the boundary that will guard your heart so that you can develop the serenity to unpack all this as it unfolds.
Wishing you clarity and peace as you work through this very hard time.
When any of us first begin to realize what we are dealing with, it comes as a shock and carries with it a lot of fear, anxiety, questions and confusion. It is a lot to unpack.
One of the first things that goes out the window when one is dealing with an addict is the peace that allows us to trust in our own inner knowledge. In my experience, every single time I thought something wasn't right - it was. It only took me a while to figure it out or get enough proof to validate what I already knew.
It sounds as though on some level, you already know he's doing something "not right" in that facility. And yes, my addict had no problem getting drugs while in rehab. Even if it isn't drugs - your intuition is telling you to protect yourself. So, some of the practical advice above is probably a good idea.
It is unfair and hard to have to figure out how to protect yourself from someone who is supposed to love you, but it is the boundary that will guard your heart so that you can develop the serenity to unpack all this as it unfolds.
Wishing you clarity and peace as you work through this very hard time.
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