Coinman

Hello, I've been a nightly drinker, mainly vodka for the last 35 plus years, except for 23 months back in 1986. I'm on a emotional roller coaster, seems like it's getting worse lately, depressed with bouts of anxiety. I have really wanted a vodka on the rocks a few evenings lately, but I have resisted. I know now that I have been self medicating just to get some relief, I always waited until 6 pm and usually drank about 1.75 liter's every 4 to 5 days. I've been married 43 years, I love my wife and have a son and daughter both married with 3 beautiful grand children. I retired after 35 years as a electrician and contractor 8 years ago. I own a business I've had for 32 years. I'm tired and burn't out, sometimes I wonder if I can keep going, but I know I have to because of my family. The main reason I quit drinking is because I knew it wasn't good for me mentally, and it was probably making me feel more depressed. But like I said, I really don't feel any better now, sometimes worse. I haven't been to any meetings, just hanging low, trying to run my business and doing some long over do projects that needed to be done around our house. I have been going out with my drinking buddies for about 25 years on Thursday nights, that stopped about 6 weeks ago, and I was going less the last few months before that, I was getting tired of that too. I do know that reading these forums at night does seem to help me see there is hope! Thank you for hearing me out, I'm not very good at expressing my self in writing.

Dee74

I think you expressed yourself well Coinman - welcome aboard

D

Gottalife

Welcome Coinman. What you describe seems to be a normal pattern for the alcholic. Alcoholism generally is not only about what happens to me when I drink, but what happens to me when I don't drink.

I stopped drinking many times, that bit was easy. But I became progressively more uncomfortable sober, to a point where a drink looked like the best solution. Staying stopped is more difficult than just not picking up a drink for the likes of me. I needed to treat that internal condition. Thise meetings you don't go to might be the place where you could find an answer to that.

theVman31

Welcome Coinman,

Married for 43 years, nice family, kept your business afloat sounds to me like you done pretty fantastic. Maybe its time to take the foot off the gas ? A holiday ?

Early sobriety is tough and after 35+ years of vodka it will take some time to adjust but adjust you will and then you can feel happiness.

Maybe a word of advice, go see your GP if you are feeling anxious or depressed. Tell your GP everything.

And why dont you join a few class threads like the july class or the 24h thread or come over to the weekender thread.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-2018-a-3.html (Weekender Thread 19 - 23rdJuly 2018)

Stay cool !

V.

january161992

great job on 5 weeks!

Coinman

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate it! I will try to get to some meetings, and I hear exercise is good to mello out mentally. Without alcohol to get numb, there is no escaping your feelings, that's the hard part. Thanks again.

least

Welcome to the family and congrats on five weeks sober! Early recovery can be a bumpy ride for a while. But if you stay sober, it will get better.