ScaryTime

Well I thought that my 7 month sober AH was giving me and ya time to figure out who we are, turns out that is not the case... he is on a dating website with a separated status.
We are not separated and in fact living in the same house.
Do they ever stop lying. He said he didn’t want to hurt me anymore....
and here we go...
Damn this hurts....
we had a couple nice “dates” and I was rethinking ending the marriage and now this...
he said “it’s not what you think”. How can it be anything else??? He is on the site as “active”
Yet again here I sit by myself and heartbroken all over again
Damn him

AnvilheadII

yes, damn him.
at least now, maybe, you can stop giving any credence to the words that fall out of his mouth. and believe he really IS capable of just about anything....

i'm very sorry, ST. hurting HURTS!

dandylion

ScaryTime…...sometimes the fear is much worse than the actual reality...….

The following website might be helpful for you, right now.....
www.womansdivorce.com

to answer your question....No, they don't stop lying....not as an active alcoholic....
If I have read your threads correctly...this has been going on for about 19yrs...on and off. He lied to the marri age counselor on the first visit...he lied to your face as he was actually in the act of using.
Alcoholics lie to themselves...how can one ever expect them not to lie to us?
He is controlled by his addiction...and, God only knows what else is there, before the addiction.....
You are held prisoner of your false hope that it will get better.....
After 18-19yrs.....this is about as good as it is ever going to be.....

Maudcat

Very sorry, ScaryTime.
Hurts a lot, I know.

mamabear26

I've heard that line before "it's not what you think" when it is in fact what you think. Now you know where his head is at. It hurts so much to see/hear things like that but he has shown you who he really is. I'm sorry you are going through this, it sucks. (Hugs)

Michsm

I have heard it too! And yes, it sucks.

trailmix

Sorry Scarytime, terrible and so hurtful to you.

I hope you have contacts, family, friends to reach out to and you know you can always post here.

Leelee168

ST, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I know your hurt.

A friend that works in behavioral health told me something that helped me a lot as I was dealing with things the ex said and trying to figure out what was real: “How do you know when an alcoholic is lying? Their lips are moving.” At first, I was defensive of him and now I realize how true the statement really is. They live by lying about everything.

FreeOwl

That stinks.

I’ve been that guy.

Yes, they do stop lying.

When they stop drinking, get sober and grow up.

Not before.

Mango212

FreeOwl,

Thank you for being here and sharing.

Seeing healthy behaviors in recovery of this disease alcoholism is beautiful.

ST,

Ditto that!

The time I spent with my husband before going no contact is now a gift to me of much awareness of my own life in ways I've never seen before. The focus of "more will be revealed" is also changing,

Paryer/meditation changes for me constantly. As it does, I do. One that is in my heart this morning:

God/Universe/Great Spirit, Thank You for all you show me. Please guide me and open my heart to Your wisdom.

Thank You for this moment, this breath, this life. I allow goodness, abundance and new experiences to lead the path I walk on.

ScaryTime

I really appreciate all of the support. As before, I was again “trying to see from his perspective”.
Been kicking around trying to get out with my “soul sister” to California, Arizona or somewhere where there is no snow.
Looked for apartments, houses for rent today and am somewhat encouraged. I have three dogs that I would dream of leaving with him!
Thanks again, the support is always a god send for me.
Take care all!
ST

dandylion

ScaryTime…..do you not like the dogs? "Dreaming" of leaving one's dogs with someone else seems an odd thing for a person to say...?
Did you really mean that...or, was it a typo?

Mango212

A reminder:

This says so much more about him than anything about you. He is being sneaky, sleazy and untrustworthy. You deserve to have a relationship with someone much different from this!

(((gentle hugs)))

ScaryTime

Ha! Was a typo... would NOT dream of leaving with him

ScaryTime

Corrected

ScaryTime

Thank you mango!

ScaryTime

Thank you for the perspective freeowl!

hopeful4

It's not what you think?? What a liar. I hope you can see you deserve so much more.

ScaryTime

Most of the time I do. My Codie tendency is always to comply though... I am struggling, not with my firm decision to divorce him any longer, just cannot believe I am in this position... I am so sad.

hopeful4

While you may be sad, you WILL get through this. Stand up for what you deserve in your life, which is to be treated so much better than this.

We are here with you, you are not alone!!