Appointment tomorrow - the strength to be honest
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 36
Appointment tomorrow - the strength to be honest
Ok, so I’m fairly drunk as I write this as it happens. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning to discuss the results of a blood test that showed a significant abnormality in my liver function (ALT of 690).
As it happpens the test was nothing to do with any alcohol concerns. I was diagnosed with a congenital heart valve defect about 3 years ago which led me on a quest to improve my health.
I changed my lifestyle drastically. I used to drink every night, maybe for our five beers. Junk food? No problem. Exercise? No thanks.
I changed my habits overnight. My diet is clean, mostly lean chicken and vegetables, and I exercise regularly - 3 weight sessions per week and 3 cardio typically. I’ve lost over 70 lbs and I’m in the best shape of my life, so all good right?
Nah. I’m killing muself. I’m now black and white. I successfully refuse booze Monday to Thursday but Friday to Sunday I’m so thirsty it gets out of control. I’m a parent and a husband and my actions are regularly reckless.
I’m in danger of losing my marriage, my family, my job and my life. I recognise this fully even if my wife, my kids, my employer etc. have not - friction exists however I don’t think anyone involved appreciates my deep seated issues and the fragility of my current state.
So tomorrow it’s obvious what I should do. But I don’t know how to. I still enjoy drinking, though I know it will ultimately see to my demise at some point if not controlled.
I can lie. I’m a good liar. You tend to be as a secret alcoholic, which I know I am. At least officially it’s a secret. But I’m genuinely scared I don’t have long left otherwise.
So how the hell do I find the strength to answer honestly and reveal my fundamental flaw? I’m ******* frightened.
As it happpens the test was nothing to do with any alcohol concerns. I was diagnosed with a congenital heart valve defect about 3 years ago which led me on a quest to improve my health.
I changed my lifestyle drastically. I used to drink every night, maybe for our five beers. Junk food? No problem. Exercise? No thanks.
I changed my habits overnight. My diet is clean, mostly lean chicken and vegetables, and I exercise regularly - 3 weight sessions per week and 3 cardio typically. I’ve lost over 70 lbs and I’m in the best shape of my life, so all good right?
Nah. I’m killing muself. I’m now black and white. I successfully refuse booze Monday to Thursday but Friday to Sunday I’m so thirsty it gets out of control. I’m a parent and a husband and my actions are regularly reckless.
I’m in danger of losing my marriage, my family, my job and my life. I recognise this fully even if my wife, my kids, my employer etc. have not - friction exists however I don’t think anyone involved appreciates my deep seated issues and the fragility of my current state.
So tomorrow it’s obvious what I should do. But I don’t know how to. I still enjoy drinking, though I know it will ultimately see to my demise at some point if not controlled.
I can lie. I’m a good liar. You tend to be as a secret alcoholic, which I know I am. At least officially it’s a secret. But I’m genuinely scared I don’t have long left otherwise.
So how the hell do I find the strength to answer honestly and reveal my fundamental flaw? I’m ******* frightened.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I had a huge moment right before I told my doctor the truth about my drinking. I remember it now like this massive "pregnant pause", and a compelling feeling to just tell her.
It was seriously life-changing. I felt the blood drain to my feet (that was the surrender) and then when I spilled it out, the feeling of relief washing over me. And I associate that moment with a bright white colour - the colour of her office, the colour of her doctor's coat - whatever it was, it stayed with me.
Once I said it out, I had finally admitted it and was free in some way I'd never felt before. Then I got started on a plan, with my doctor, to get and stay sober.
My advice - just come out with it. No need to pre-rehearse, just tell the doctor you believe you drink too much and you need help to stop. The doctor is a professional. He or she will help you through the rest.
Just get through that first step. That's my advice.
It was seriously life-changing. I felt the blood drain to my feet (that was the surrender) and then when I spilled it out, the feeling of relief washing over me. And I associate that moment with a bright white colour - the colour of her office, the colour of her doctor's coat - whatever it was, it stayed with me.
Once I said it out, I had finally admitted it and was free in some way I'd never felt before. Then I got started on a plan, with my doctor, to get and stay sober.
My advice - just come out with it. No need to pre-rehearse, just tell the doctor you believe you drink too much and you need help to stop. The doctor is a professional. He or she will help you through the rest.
Just get through that first step. That's my advice.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Manning up and admitting you are an alcoholic. Your liver levels are at insane levels. and booze doesn't just harm the liver, it destroys everything in the body, and it sounds like your heart is shutting down as well.
Do the right thing and admit you are an alcoholic. They will likely refer you to an addiction therapist, or perhaps rehab.
In the meantime, put the bottle down and hit daily AA meetings.
Do the right thing and admit you are an alcoholic. They will likely refer you to an addiction therapist, or perhaps rehab.
In the meantime, put the bottle down and hit daily AA meetings.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
I came clean with my doctor and it has led me on my journey of enlightenment. It has also helped my doctor recommend a course of treatment to help me manage my attempts for abstinence and subsequent relapses this year.
I used to be that guy that was afraid of asking the doctor questions out of embarrassment and/or respect for their time, but it's ultimately our health that suffers if we're not open an honest. It also helps that your privacy is protected.
Plus, I am a US Citizen with a high deductible health care plan and I pay our medical bills. I am getting my money's worth... dammit!! :-)
Best of luck to you!
I used to be that guy that was afraid of asking the doctor questions out of embarrassment and/or respect for their time, but it's ultimately our health that suffers if we're not open an honest. It also helps that your privacy is protected.
Plus, I am a US Citizen with a high deductible health care plan and I pay our medical bills. I am getting my money's worth... dammit!! :-)
Best of luck to you!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad to hear you are going. One thing you might consider is writing it down to help break the ice with your doc. You could even print out your post from above to get started.
I am another one who was afraid to tell anyone, but man I wish I had done it SOOO much sooner. Doctors see this way more often than you'd guess, and they do know how to help.
I am another one who was afraid to tell anyone, but man I wish I had done it SOOO much sooner. Doctors see this way more often than you'd guess, and they do know how to help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
hi and welcome JPA 
either read this post again before you go in or take a copy along.
Being honest with my Doctor was the best thing I ever did - not because they did anything especially but because they know had the full picture of my health to work with.
It was also pretty cathartic admitting it to another human being.
Let us know how you get on
D
either read this post again before you go in or take a copy along.
Being honest with my Doctor was the best thing I ever did - not because they did anything especially but because they know had the full picture of my health to work with.
It was also pretty cathartic admitting it to another human being.
Let us know how you get on
D
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
So...you want to lie yourself into an early grave. THAT makes a lot of sense. Not.
My journey started with my GP refusing to treat me until I had a psych consult with a psychiatrist at an addiction clinic. They told me in no uncertain terms that I needed detox and rehab. I fought it for an hour or so, then checked in. It worked. I decided I didn't want to drink any more and did the work to get sober. That was over a year ago. It's for good.
Why would you lie? Lying in general is a really stupid idea. Another thing I've realized in sobriety.
My journey started with my GP refusing to treat me until I had a psych consult with a psychiatrist at an addiction clinic. They told me in no uncertain terms that I needed detox and rehab. I fought it for an hour or so, then checked in. It worked. I decided I didn't want to drink any more and did the work to get sober. That was over a year ago. It's for good.
Why would you lie? Lying in general is a really stupid idea. Another thing I've realized in sobriety.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,527
Hi JPA. I have a feeling when you get there the truth will just come out. You need it to. Imagine the relief you'll feel when it's out there and can be discussed.
I hope you'll let us know how tomorrow goes.
I hope you'll let us know how tomorrow goes.
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