Katzen

So I’ve been mostly sober for a year, only a glass or two on special occasions, no excessive drinking until about 3 months ago got plastered told my husband our marriage had turned into a joke, and he left me. So I needed to stay sober since I’m the only one here to take care of my dogs what if there’s an emergency in the middle of the night I’d have to drive an hour to the nearest 24-hour vet... I promised my dogs I’d stay sober. Then 3 days ago told myself I can go back to drinking casually, bought a bottle of wine... surprise! (No real surprise) drank the whole bottle in minutes the next day. Yeah I’m sure many others knew that was going to happen... I still feel guilt and shame for doing that.

So I was able to resist going to the store and buying more alcohol yesterday.... but going to need to get groceries soon and am afraid I won’t be able to resist buying just one bottle....

But the past few hours I feel like I have a really high fever, I can’t find the thermometer and started feeling tempted to go buy a new one.... but didn’t want to risk giving in and buying booze. So I’m not sure if maybe I do have a bug or if this is something related to withdrawal... even after being mostly sober so long is it possibly still withdrawals? Or maybe my AV was trying to sneak me a reason to go to the store? Haven’t slept well in months so that adds to my anxiety.

Anyway, it helps to post here I feel like most people here don’t judge me or look down on me for becoming an alcoholic, the understanding that I’m not alone in falling victim to the evil alcohol and cannot continue to let it control my life.

doggonecarl

You very well could have come down with something. A visit to the doctor would confirm this.

Katzen, you haven't been sober that long, seeing how you drank just days ago. The relapse took you back to ground zero. I don't mean philosophically, nor do I discount your sober time. I mean physically. You drank. For the alcoholic, this means withdrawals. It's called Kindling. Look it up.

August252015

I'm glad you made it back here.

Katzen

A couple hours ago I read for the first time an article on PAWS that I got from a link someone posted in these forums... very helpful to know now what is going on with me and every little ache and pain doesn’t mean I’m going to drop dead and got a clean bill of health from doctors a couple weeks ago. Being sober has made me a bit of a hypochondriac and trying to avoid Dr. Google because that always makes me feel worse... don’t need the extra anxiety.

Thanks everyone for being supportive and understanding so I don’t feel so alone anymore.