Unicorn123

Hi all, this is my first post and after advice and support.

I had been friends with my boyfriend for 2 years and in a relationship for 1 year in which we lived together. I was aware he smoked meth but he gave me the impression it was a very rare occurrence. I did not know much about meth as did not smoke it. Our first big argument occurred at Christmas when his 13 yo daughter was staying with us and he disappeared on A 4 day meth binge. I had no idea where he was or with whom. I cried many tears that night. He told me that was the last time and he was sorry.

To cut along story short, he used every 3 weeks. 1 week of use/crash/anger, 2 weeks of non use where he showered me with love and affection and then se again. It was traumatic for me as each time he said he wouldn’t use anymore but continued to do so. Was a very lonely existence for me when he was on meth. I did not know any of his so called user mates.

Final straw for me was 2 months ago after promising me he would not use. He had a craving and asked me if he could go use with the boys. I said no and could not believe he even asked me. He verbally attacked me that he had no money and asked me to pay his workers which I did. We fought and slept in separate beds. Next day he was off using meth even though he supposedly had no money.

I decided to try tough love and kicked him out of our home. Unfortunately instead of coming back and taking active steps to get clean, He went on a 3 week meth binge instead. He arranged to meet with me a few times and canceled because he wanted to use instead. The one time I did see him, he had so much hate for me.

I pleaded with him to come back and let’s wotk on this issue together but he refused. He moved in with his meth friend and that was that. I was very heart broken and stuck as I kept hearing from him...one minute telling me he loved and missed me. The next telling me he needed to find himself. It was like he was a different person.

After all this pushing and pulling I blocked him on all social media and phone and went no contact. I was slowly getting better and moving on until yesterday he turned up to pick something up. It gave me the worst anxiety!

I know the reality is he’s done me a favour but I have so much of myself to the relationship that I feel lost and empty. Meth is a different type of beast and the lack of empathy from someone that used to be so loving has really messed with my head.

What are your experiences with a loved one on meth? Why does it take so long to recover from the separation and let go?

doggonecarl

I was the meth head in my relationship. From my perspective he has done you a favor leaving. Meth cuts through love like a scythe. Be glad you are out of the way. You say you gave so much to the relationship, but do you see how uneven it was? Because he gave all his to the addiction.

Doesn't mean it shouldn't hurt, the relationship being over. It does. You'll get over it. When the pain recedes you'll be thankful it was just a year, that you didn't get married, that you didn't have kids.

Marcutah1

Your story although is tough, will bless someone (me) who is going to start the process of talking to someone who is an alcoholic and "casual" meth user. I fear for my daughter and grand kids.

AnvilheadII

tough love isn't a ploy to MAKE the addict get clean......tough love is for US. it's tough to love an addict and often we have to create distance from their using, abusing, losing and all the destruction that comes with it.

Unicorn123

My giving so much into the relationship just enabled him. In hindsight it makes me feel that all his love was a lie. His real love was meth and nothing Could stand in the way of that. He was adamant though that he was not an addict and he was in control. Sad thing is he has no empathy for the huge mess he’s left for me in his wake and owing me $2k - especially when I have 2 children to support. No winners in this. Upsets me though....2 months on and still in pain.

Unicorn123

You are right...although I regretted it as it didn’t get the desired outcome, it actually is a blessing for me. It has given me an out as painful as it is. But if I didn’t get out now the destruction would be worse and I have 2 kids to think about. Meth heads just use people. I can see that now. It is honestly like he is a different person. No care about my feelings and turns up only when he wants something.

Unicorn123

That is the problem with meth...it is so highly addictive...he gave the facade of being a casual user but I don’t think that is possible. As has been said in this forum...we didn’t cause, can’t control, can’t cure it. We are quite helpless. Lord knows I tried. Hugs.

Kindeyes

My son is a meth addict in recovery (over three years now). The safest way to love an active meth addict is from a distance. Get between them and meth.....and you become the enemy.

It hurts.....damn....it hurts. But every time we give in to them, we (with all the love and good intentions in our heart) enable them to continue using. The word “enabling” carries such a negative connotation which is unfortunate.

Moving forward, letting go with love and allowing yourself to do so is the healthiest thing you can do for both of you....but it hurts.

Stay strong. Love yourself. Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke



I am so sorry you are hurting.

Sissyfuss

Unicorn, kindeyes know whats she is talking about. Hugs for both of you.

Leana

Meth is so bad. The relapse rate is so high. Personally, since he is a bf not a husband- I say run like hell and never look back. I know probably not the answer you wanted but agree with person above who said best way to love a Meth addict is from a distance. So sad but so true.

OT4Kids

The addict in my life has caused me pain and constant anxiety and cost me over $100,000. It sucks. Good for you for taking care of yourself now! You've got this!