vinono

Maybe this resonates...


But how we feel 'in control' when we are drinking but we are actually 'out of control'

And when we stop we feel 'out of control' but actually we gain some control back.

nez

When I was drinking, out of control was what I knew and so therefore it was my norm. When I stopped drinking, my norm was taken away and so therefore I was thrown for a loop because what I knew, was no more and I was thrown into uncharted territory.

lessgravity

When I controlled my drinking it was never enough, and when I drank what I wanted it was out of control.

Laura3

Because when you choose to drink it is your choice but choosing not to is against your will

Nonsensical

I used to believe that I could never give up my freedom to choose to drink. Giving up alcohol felt like a cold dark cell.

But I quit drinking anyway because the side effects of my drinking were ruining everything.

Then on sober day 84 I was climbing into my bed at night when I suddenly realized something - I have not thought about drinking at all today. Real freedom settled over me like a down comforter and I slept my first night as a free man in more than 2 decades.

I was free to choose. (I still am.) But when my mind was obsessed with alcohol, I wasn't free.

ScottFromWI

I firmly believe we all have control/choice over taking the first drink or not. If we do however, all bets are off. And we are also 100% responsible for our actions during that time, even if we don't remember or intend do do the things we did.

Dee74

Drinking as definitely an attempt by me to control my world and my feelings.

A very poor, futile paradoxical and maladaptive way...but I see what you're getting at Vinono

D

Cosima11

The baffling paradox.. trust me I have contemplated this to probably unhealthy extents in the past. And "figuring it out" never did help me stop drinking btw, I had to really stop intellectualizing it in the early stages.

The way I see it now is basically yes, addiction is a fixed and repetitive behavior which provides a false sense of control. It accompanies any emotion, event, or circumstance. The price we pay for that is we eventually lose control over the behavior itself.

By stopping the behavior we surrender control over the external factors and re-gain control of ourselves. Which is after all, the only thing we really have any control over in the first place.

D122y

Vin,

My addiction tells me anything to get me to drink.

Drink because......fill in the blank.

All of us drunks and ex drunks have chronic brain damage. It is for life and we are doomed to suffer...at various degrees and times...for the rest of our lives.

I try to now fill in the blank of this sentence...I don't drink because....

I have never been diagnosed with alcoholism, never got prescription meds to support me. But, I know that I am an addict. An addict to alcohol is an alcoholic.

I know that, but I also know that I crave being high. Feeling different. I think about smoking pot, doing cocaine, even meth. I think about it.

I have an addict mind.

I don't do any of that because I believe it is wrong and will damage me and my life.

I no longer have any physical addiction except for sex, caffeine, and otc vitamins.

I don't consider these bad addictions, but addictions nonetheless.

Thanks.

Gabe1980

I don't think I felt in control - I just didn't care! Drinking always made me feel like the rules of the world and society were ridiculous and I could 'opt out', live freely by getting wasted all the time, and that made me clever.

Then nothing was in control at all - sober or drunk. Just lost.

bunchie

I heard at a meeting if you have to control it , then it's out of control, this is true I have seen many a drinker try and control but the outcome is always the same , a drunken stupor.

awuh1

Nice insight vinono. It demonstrates how out of touch our 'feelings' can be with reality, both before and after a drink