So, yeah...I’m back :(
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
So, yeah...I’m back :(
I have to say, so much happened, and even then, thought it was under control...but the last few months, not so much.
Did fabulous for a while, then began “social” drinking again on Super Bowl Sunday, 2016. Went great for a while for about a year. Had a few (ALOT) too many a “few” times....but in my mind, I was drinking more responsible then ever! I mean, come on...only a “couple” of times I went too far, so still better then my drinking before I thought.
Then in Feb of 2017, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Only 53 years old and doesn’t run in the family? WTF?!?!? It was caught early, had a mastectomy and was able to skip chemo and rads, though on hormone therapy forever 9 more years, which has its own suckiness but luckier than many.
Anyway, this “woke me up”. Stopped drinking and smoking immediately. Amazing how easy it was when there’s something out there trying to kill you faster than the alcohol and cigs. Drs, surgeons, appts, operations followed for about 6 months and the weird thing? I was thriving! I was so busy recovering, didn’t even think about the alcohol!
Then it stopped. I made it through and it was “See ya for a check up in 6 months”. How excited I was! It was finally over!
Then, it started. I was lost. The cancer gave me this goal and required me to fight. When the worst was over, the glass of wine started occasionally. Then two.....and so on and so on and so on. I started isolating, felt sorry for myself and thought no one cared.
I knew this feeling, and after all this **** the last year.....this is how I’m gonna live the rest of my life?
NO! It’s now beginning day 5 AF and feeling a lot clearer. Here again and I’m giving it another go.
Hugs to you all❤️
Did fabulous for a while, then began “social” drinking again on Super Bowl Sunday, 2016. Went great for a while for about a year. Had a few (ALOT) too many a “few” times....but in my mind, I was drinking more responsible then ever! I mean, come on...only a “couple” of times I went too far, so still better then my drinking before I thought.
Then in Feb of 2017, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Only 53 years old and doesn’t run in the family? WTF?!?!? It was caught early, had a mastectomy and was able to skip chemo and rads, though on hormone therapy forever 9 more years, which has its own suckiness but luckier than many.
Anyway, this “woke me up”. Stopped drinking and smoking immediately. Amazing how easy it was when there’s something out there trying to kill you faster than the alcohol and cigs. Drs, surgeons, appts, operations followed for about 6 months and the weird thing? I was thriving! I was so busy recovering, didn’t even think about the alcohol!
Then it stopped. I made it through and it was “See ya for a check up in 6 months”. How excited I was! It was finally over!
Then, it started. I was lost. The cancer gave me this goal and required me to fight. When the worst was over, the glass of wine started occasionally. Then two.....and so on and so on and so on. I started isolating, felt sorry for myself and thought no one cared.
I knew this feeling, and after all this **** the last year.....this is how I’m gonna live the rest of my life?
NO! It’s now beginning day 5 AF and feeling a lot clearer. Here again and I’m giving it another go.
Hugs to you all❤️
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Thx! Obviously, this vicious voice in my head tucks itself away and waits till I feel my strongest to attack. It waits till I feel my weakest to attack. It just waits....for any opening to attack.
Feel strong now, but was just reading some of my old posts, and a few brought me to tears.
That “voice” is always there, waiting.....
Feel strong now, but was just reading some of my old posts, and a few brought me to tears.
That “voice” is always there, waiting.....
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi ITE! Welcome back. I'm a cancer survivor too....we are lucky indeed. And I'm sure you know that alcohol consumption ups our chances of a cancer relapse big time! Didn't always stop me either.....ca-razy!
The voice may be there, but who says you have to listen to it?
The voice may be there, but who says you have to listen to it?
. Welcome back! You definitely sound like a survivor - You can beat the alcohol too. 
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Weird how when getting a tumor out of me was a matter of life or death, I immediately didn’t hesitate to fight, wanted to live and did everything I could to make that happen....
But then, put a wine glass in my hand, knowing down the line it’s not gonna end well......That voice says, “well girl, you have plenty of time before the alcohol ruins your life, or even takes it, so let’s party! Nothing to worry about for now”!
But then, put a wine glass in my hand, knowing down the line it’s not gonna end well......That voice says, “well girl, you have plenty of time before the alcohol ruins your life, or even takes it, so let’s party! Nothing to worry about for now”!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by InTheEnd 
Weird how when getting a tumor out of me was a matter of life or death, I immediately didn’t hesitate to fight, wanted to live and did everything I could to make that happen....
But then, put a wine glass in my hand, knowing down the line it’s not gonna end well......That voice says, “well girl, you have plenty of time before the alcohol ruins your life, or even takes it, so let’s party! Nothing to worry about for now”!
But then, put a wine glass in my hand, knowing down the line it’s not gonna end well......That voice says, “well girl, you have plenty of time before the alcohol ruins your life, or even takes it, so let’s party! Nothing to worry about for now”!
Congrats to you on your 5 days sober and also beating cancer...both very brave and impressive feats.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
Welcome back. I'm sorry to hear about what you went through and congrats on beating it!
You are not the first person to tell me a story like this and I completely understand that these addictions can creep back in once the horror of a situation like cancer gets under control and you feel in the 'safe' zone. It's the same with regular hangovers or binges. All this sense of panic, then people start to feel normal again because the fear and anxiety the binge gave them goes away, so they drink again.
Alcohol can sadly take you back out of the safe zone too and bring up it's own life threatening issues. The important thing is you clearly had the strength to quit before, so you will be able to do it again! Don't let another life threatening thing be the reason you quit though.
You are not the first person to tell me a story like this and I completely understand that these addictions can creep back in once the horror of a situation like cancer gets under control and you feel in the 'safe' zone. It's the same with regular hangovers or binges. All this sense of panic, then people start to feel normal again because the fear and anxiety the binge gave them goes away, so they drink again.
Alcohol can sadly take you back out of the safe zone too and bring up it's own life threatening issues. The important thing is you clearly had the strength to quit before, so you will be able to do it again! Don't let another life threatening thing be the reason you quit though.
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