alwayscovering

For some inane reason they decided to have my nieces bday party at 8pm in the middle of the freaking week. AH did not want to go but loves his niece so he forced himself to do it. (he's been working 7a-7p in a hot auto shop all week) We only stayed for 1 hour. We were saying our goodbyes and I couldn't find him, I found him and MIL in her bedroom and she was berating him. Telling him he's a horrible person because we weren't staying. She accused him of wanting to go home and drink. I wanted to strangle her. No he's not in recovery, maybe he'll go to AA, maybe he'll let the VA help him, maybe he'll relapse-I don't know but why do that? My oldest son also told me he's seen her do that to AH AND she's done it to him.(Get mad and tell him he's acting just like his father or that he's being a selfish jerk when he doesn't want to do what she wants him to) I will have to wait until I can talk about it without my blood boiling but she will not do that to my kids. Makes you wonder what kind of issues AH had before the PTSD. In all the arguments we've had I have NEVER told him he's a bad person and I do not do name calling.

I think I made a huge mistake when going to MIL for support. I thought she'd have some compassion for him because he's her son and she's a geriatric nurse.


AND a bonus: SIL (also an Alcoholic) tried to talk to me about my AH's drinking, while she was wasted at her daughters 14th birthday party. *sigh*

atalose

She sounds like an un-recovered codependent who is attempting in ill fashion to control him and his drinking.

Not sure at this point a talk about her behavior would get you any further than any talks you’ve had with the alcoholic. She will become defensive and well, you know that drill!! You can’t change another person’s behaviors.

alwayscovering

My AH is going to have to set up boundaries with his mom. I'm not going to say anything about AH to her. I do not want her to manipulate or emotionally abuse my kids.

Seren

I am sorry that your MIL decided to have her own "intervention" while at the birthday party. But, I suspect it may not be the only time that has happened.

Yes, it would be nice if your husband had some healthy boundaries, but his setting boundaries with his mom is also something that only he can control and initiate.

I learned over the years that I have no control over my stepson and his drinking/using. I also learned over time that I had no control over the relationship between my stepson and his father (my late husband).

QuietlyTired

I’m so sorry this situation happened to you. My mil is the complete opposite. Nothing Is dh’s fault and he can do no wrong. If he showed up drunk to a niece/ nephews party she’d make excuses on his behalf and make sure she told every person there an excuse on his behalf!