Haven't posted in a while...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
Haven't posted in a while...
So in January I hit another car on the road, left the scene of the accident.. cops came to my house and had every opportunity to test me and give me a OUI but didn't. The only thing I can think of was it was freezing cold and they didn't want to deal with it.
No one was hurt. I was charged with leaving the scene of an accident. That scared me for 6 months. I didn't know what they would do. 6 long months later the case was dismissed as long as I showed proof I had donated to charity. That surprised me but was a big relief.
Now my girlfriend wants a baby. I absolutely refuse to be a drunk father ... I know a guy who is a drunk father .. he loves his little girl with all his heart but he can't stop drinking. It is sad.
She's not pregnant yet ... though we are trying. I have to start thinking of myself as someones dad... if I keep drinking I am killing someones dad ... quite literally.
Glad to be back.
No one was hurt. I was charged with leaving the scene of an accident. That scared me for 6 months. I didn't know what they would do. 6 long months later the case was dismissed as long as I showed proof I had donated to charity. That surprised me but was a big relief.
Now my girlfriend wants a baby. I absolutely refuse to be a drunk father ... I know a guy who is a drunk father .. he loves his little girl with all his heart but he can't stop drinking. It is sad.
She's not pregnant yet ... though we are trying. I have to start thinking of myself as someones dad... if I keep drinking I am killing someones dad ... quite literally.
Glad to be back.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I hope you acquire a solid amount of sobriety before you and your girlfriend decide to bring a child into the world. It's good that you want to be a sober dad, but children shouldn't be recovery tools. For one things, I'm not sure it works. Just like a OUI can't keep an alcoholic sober, neither can a kid.
Get into a program. Get sober. Stay sober. Then have kids.
Get into a program. Get sober. Stay sober. Then have kids.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Wow! You are one lucky dude. I mean the obvious is that you didn't hurt anyone or yourself. But you didn't get arrested or charged. And no judgement btw, I've driven drunk many times..... I am remorseful to admit. But wow.
And DC is right. Kids are no joke. And they grow up and become teenagers...haha. Maybe I could send you mine for a while? Just kidding. She's awesome. But I have to admit, the getting no sleep, constant um responsibility of having a small kid? Nothing compared to a large kid. OMG. Teenagers.
Welcome back!
And DC is right. Kids are no joke. And they grow up and become teenagers...haha. Maybe I could send you mine for a while? Just kidding. She's awesome. But I have to admit, the getting no sleep, constant um responsibility of having a small kid? Nothing compared to a large kid. OMG. Teenagers.
Welcome back!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
There are many, many posts by drunk parents on SR. Kids do not make you sober.
But they can be motivation and leverage. There is some real desire I see in your post - but there is plenty of ambivalence there too and ambivalence is the door back to drinking.
Don't waste your child's early years drunk. So many of us wish we could get those wasted years back.
Do you have a plan to get sober?
But they can be motivation and leverage. There is some real desire I see in your post - but there is plenty of ambivalence there too and ambivalence is the door back to drinking.
Don't waste your child's early years drunk. So many of us wish we could get those wasted years back.
Do you have a plan to get sober?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
There are many, many posts by drunk parents on SR. Kids do not make you sober.
But they can be motivation and leverage. There is some real desire I see in your post - but there is plenty of ambivalence there too and ambivalence is the door back to drinking.
Don't waste your child's early years drunk. So many of us wish we could get those wasted years back.
Do you have a plan to get sober?
But they can be motivation and leverage. There is some real desire I see in your post - but there is plenty of ambivalence there too and ambivalence is the door back to drinking.
Don't waste your child's early years drunk. So many of us wish we could get those wasted years back.
Do you have a plan to get sober?
that's what I grew up with--I would wish that on nobody
get the sober thing in line before the child.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Volshen
I absolutely refuse to be a drunk father .
Getting pregnant won't make you stop drinking. Being a dad won't either. Only you can do it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Volshen - It's good to see you & I'm happy things worked out far better than we thought.
I'm glad you see that continuing to drink will ruin future joy & happiness. You can get free for good.
I'm glad you see that continuing to drink will ruin future joy & happiness. You can get free for good.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
My father is an alcoholic, my father's father (my grandfather who I met once) was a physician, and an alcoholic. Its had catastrophic effects on the kids. I'm a recovering alcoholic but I don't have kids. The only one who has suffered first hand is my wife . Just something to think about. To this day my brother will not bring his kids around my father when he is drunk.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I'm glad you're back Volshen,& glad that everything turned out ok.
Its good that you have the intent to stay sober too - but intent is sometimes not enough on it's own - have you given any thought to a recovery action plan at all? the nuts and bolts of how you'll stay sober?
D
Its good that you have the intent to stay sober too - but intent is sometimes not enough on it's own - have you given any thought to a recovery action plan at all? the nuts and bolts of how you'll stay sober?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
Hello. Thank you for all of the responses.
I did drink again after I posted this, but I am now on day 8 sober. This is the longest I have had in a long time.
As for my plan, I don't think any one method is enough for me. I think I need to combine the best elements of many. I leave A.A meetings very positive and motivated, but I find the steps too god based.
I am going to continue going to meetings though, I have been going to at least one a day the past 8 days.
I'm going to get active here on SR and I'm going to immerse myself into the material on the smart recovery website. Some elements of buddhist thinking also appeal to me.
I can't go back to drinking. The car I crashed has been sitting at my parents house for 7 months.. I haven't even been able to look at it due to shame. I'm selling it to a scrap metal buyer so I had to go out there and clean it out.
What a idiotic thing to do. Drive drunk to get a pizza and crash into another vehicle. This could of been so much worse. There could of been deaths, injuries.. should of at least been an OUI, but as I said I lucked out there too.
There are consequences... the car was a nice car with a lot of life left in it. My insurance will be higher for the next 5 years.... but compared to what could of happened those are minor.
I did drink again after I posted this, but I am now on day 8 sober. This is the longest I have had in a long time.
As for my plan, I don't think any one method is enough for me. I think I need to combine the best elements of many. I leave A.A meetings very positive and motivated, but I find the steps too god based.
I am going to continue going to meetings though, I have been going to at least one a day the past 8 days.
I'm going to get active here on SR and I'm going to immerse myself into the material on the smart recovery website. Some elements of buddhist thinking also appeal to me.
I can't go back to drinking. The car I crashed has been sitting at my parents house for 7 months.. I haven't even been able to look at it due to shame. I'm selling it to a scrap metal buyer so I had to go out there and clean it out.
What a idiotic thing to do. Drive drunk to get a pizza and crash into another vehicle. This could of been so much worse. There could of been deaths, injuries.. should of at least been an OUI, but as I said I lucked out there too.
There are consequences... the car was a nice car with a lot of life left in it. My insurance will be higher for the next 5 years.... but compared to what could of happened those are minor.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Congrats on your 8 days sober, Volshen.
I'm sorry about your car - but you're right, driving drunk could've had tragic results. I did it too - and am thankful every day that I have my freedom & no one got hurt. I can't trust myself to ever allow alcohol in my system. Dangerous things always happen. You can do this, Volshen - glad you are back.
I'm sorry about your car - but you're right, driving drunk could've had tragic results. I did it too - and am thankful every day that I have my freedom & no one got hurt. I can't trust myself to ever allow alcohol in my system. Dangerous things always happen. You can do this, Volshen - glad you are back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Wow! You are one lucky dude. I mean the obvious is that you didn't hurt anyone or yourself. But you didn't get arrested or charged. And no judgement btw, I've driven drunk many times..... I am remorseful to admit. But wow.
And DC is right. Kids are no joke. And they grow up and become teenagers...haha. Maybe I could send you mine for a while? Just kidding. She's awesome. But I have to admit, the getting no sleep, constant um responsibility of having a small kid? Nothing compared to a large kid. OMG. Teenagers.
Welcome back!
And DC is right. Kids are no joke. And they grow up and become teenagers...haha. Maybe I could send you mine for a while? Just kidding. She's awesome. But I have to admit, the getting no sleep, constant um responsibility of having a small kid? Nothing compared to a large kid. OMG. Teenagers.
Welcome back!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 431
Volshen I think your thoughts on AA are similar to mine. I am trying to think of my higher power as my moral values and align my life to those. I don't believe in anything external that I can pray to and the thought makes me shudder. I do enjoy the meetings and that AA teaches us what matters, ie not being self centred.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Why not conduct an experiment to keep it all scientific? You've got these recovered alcoholics in your group, millions in AA as a whole, who credit their recovery to a God of their understanding. At least half of them say they had no belief at the start, so that obviously wasn't an obstacle. Check you own experience of the problem against theirs, and if you are satisfied that you are all starting from the same place, you can form a hypothesis.
It would be something like "If I was to do exactly as they did, I would get the same result" Then you do exactly as they did and see.
There is a sentence in the Big Book, "The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you" and there is another, "You can only be defeated by an attitude of belligerent denial"
Have an open mind, conduct the experiment.
It would be something like "If I was to do exactly as they did, I would get the same result" Then you do exactly as they did and see.
There is a sentence in the Big Book, "The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you" and there is another, "You can only be defeated by an attitude of belligerent denial"
Have an open mind, conduct the experiment.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
Day 10.
The past couple of days I have had increased anxiety like I had in the first few days. From what I have read on here before it is probably just healing. My doctor once told me you can suffer withdrawal up to 5 days. A book I read says it can take 14 days for the booze to completely leave your system.
I have no idea but I am definitely past the dangerous stage.
I skipped the A.A meeting the past couple nights so I will be going tonight.
The past couple of days I have had increased anxiety like I had in the first few days. From what I have read on here before it is probably just healing. My doctor once told me you can suffer withdrawal up to 5 days. A book I read says it can take 14 days for the booze to completely leave your system.
I have no idea but I am definitely past the dangerous stage.
I skipped the A.A meeting the past couple nights so I will be going tonight.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
the chapter in the BB,"we agnostics" may help ya some.
a little bit of it:
When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book. Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which then seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth, but if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conception, however limited it was.
We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.
a little bit of it:
When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book. Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which then seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth, but if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conception, however limited it was.
We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello!
Glad to hear from you!
Kids make everything harder! Everything! Your girlfriend wants a baby? What about you? What do you want?
Having a kid will not get you sober. I’ll will bring more stress and anxiety than anything else in your life. It will create stress in your relationship with your girlfriend.
There are all sorts of accounts here about growing up with an alcoholic parent. It’s NOT pretty.
Is that what you would want for your child?
Glad to hear from you!
Kids make everything harder! Everything! Your girlfriend wants a baby? What about you? What do you want?
Having a kid will not get you sober. I’ll will bring more stress and anxiety than anything else in your life. It will create stress in your relationship with your girlfriend.
There are all sorts of accounts here about growing up with an alcoholic parent. It’s NOT pretty.
Is that what you would want for your child?
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