me1489

Well I had like 90ish days twice and both ended with 2 day bender and destroying all I had built in those wonderful 3 months. I am now in about 3 weeks of death and honestly dread working the next 3 weeks with this on my shoulders for free. I cant pay any household bills as I owe it all out for alcohol/drugs. I hate myself and hate what this does too me everytime I feel happy and am getting somewhere. At family occasions in those 90 days I got weird looks, nearly more less forced too drink yet managed too stick too my guns and was so proud. Why after all that effort do I let my guard down so easy and think il just go easy and release stress arrrggg. For the last 10yr + all its got me into is big death/shame and remorse. I absolutely hate myself right now

Radix

Good for you for identifying this triggering thought. Now the next time you think about drinking to relieve stress, you can refer yourself back to what you wrote here on this very post, and remind yourself of how much stress drinking actually causes.

Good for you for staying clean and sober for 90-ish days. If you did it before, you can do it again. Peace.

saoutchik

Two lots of 90 days is good going me1489, perhaps you could channel that self loathing to help you get over the 90 day "wall" I wish you all the best.

VigilanceNow

I have to second what saoutchik said above: do not discount the 90 day stretches as if they mean nothing because of your recent slip up. You have to just keep getting back on that sober horse; each time, however, consciously do something different, something more to further your sobriety. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about you or how well or how badly you’ve been doing; you know where you’re going, and you will get there at your own pace. Take it easy on yourself. You’ve done well already to identify what may pose as a trigger; use this knowledge to avoid there being a “next time”. You can do this, we’re all here for you!

Anna

I'm glad you're back. It sounds like it might be a good idea for you to be prepared for the 90 day point and to have a plan in place for when it happens. Try to not let the guilt get you down because you will need your energy focused on staying sober.

Hevyn

Good to see you, me1489.

I don't know why we sabotage ourselves when we know where picking up is going to lead. I did it many times - but finally grew exhausted from trying to keep my head above water. It feels so good to get free of it and stay that way. You can do it!

Dee74

how are things now me 1489?

D