I know that I haven't exactly been active here recently
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I know that I haven't exactly been active here recently
I'm sorry about that. I have only really been posting updates on my life, and not responding that much to threads. The truth is, it's hard for me to do that now. In the past when I was responding, I was putting myself back into the situation that I was in, I'm not there anymore, and sometimes I really don't want to go back there anymore. It's too scary...
It's coming up on 10 years of separation, and almost 8 years divorced. I'm finally starting to feel a bit normal. I'm making friends, getting a baby puppy, got my rocking chairs, so that I can just relax at the end of the day.
I really do think that the log cabin that I bought and rehabbed was kind of like a way station for me. The cabin needed healing since it was abused and I also needed healing. I will never forget my cabin and all of the healing that we did together.
I remember the day that I joined this terrific community. It was August 2011. I was worried about the winter coming, and I needed my sub floor pulled up and replaced, and I was having trouble finding someone to come over and do that for me. I was drinking that day, and it wasn't even 11 am yet. I posted in the newcomers section then. The next day I got up, and I think I had about 4 or 5 beers left + a half a can. I was so happy about the half a can, because that meant I had a little bit more, but I got up, and I opened them up, and spilled them out.
My heart was broken, and I didn't think I could ever get through that. Then I had to find out that my ex moved in with his girlfriend co-worker. Well didn't take me long to figure out that it was going on for a lot longer. But whatever.......
It took me a long time to work through PTSD that developed because of my marriage. I'm pretty good there, except for the phone ringing at times when it is too close to me.
I was one of the worst with that "wishing and hoping" bs. What was I actually "wishing and hoping" for? That my ex would not hit me, that he wouldn't verbally or emotionally abuse me, or that I wouldn't have to worry about if and when he would come home. Hoping he would come home, but dreading when he did come home. That was my life, or non life. I was isolating myself. I didn't want people to either see the sadness in me, or to pity me, or to blame me. My head was all messed up then, and in writing this, perhaps it still is, it seems to be disjointed, but you know what, "that's OK".
So, I'm in a good place now, I left my healing cabin, and joining the living again. It took me a long time, but I'm starting to get a good feeling when I wake up in the morning now, instead of cursing the sunlight coming into my room.
I still gravitate a little towards isolation, but I am pushing myself out of that. I've met my new neighbors, and made several friends where I am now. People are always offering to help me do things, and I really don't know how to respond to kindness, but I guess I'll learn that. I might have to invite the neighbors over for dinner.
I remember listening to this song by Van Morrison, "Reminds me of You", the only lines I can remember now of that song is..............
Ain't going down no more to the well,
Sometimes it feels like I'm going to h3ll.
It's coming up on 10 years of separation, and almost 8 years divorced. I'm finally starting to feel a bit normal. I'm making friends, getting a baby puppy, got my rocking chairs, so that I can just relax at the end of the day.
I really do think that the log cabin that I bought and rehabbed was kind of like a way station for me. The cabin needed healing since it was abused and I also needed healing. I will never forget my cabin and all of the healing that we did together.
I remember the day that I joined this terrific community. It was August 2011. I was worried about the winter coming, and I needed my sub floor pulled up and replaced, and I was having trouble finding someone to come over and do that for me. I was drinking that day, and it wasn't even 11 am yet. I posted in the newcomers section then. The next day I got up, and I think I had about 4 or 5 beers left + a half a can. I was so happy about the half a can, because that meant I had a little bit more, but I got up, and I opened them up, and spilled them out.
My heart was broken, and I didn't think I could ever get through that. Then I had to find out that my ex moved in with his girlfriend co-worker. Well didn't take me long to figure out that it was going on for a lot longer. But whatever.......
It took me a long time to work through PTSD that developed because of my marriage. I'm pretty good there, except for the phone ringing at times when it is too close to me.
I was one of the worst with that "wishing and hoping" bs. What was I actually "wishing and hoping" for? That my ex would not hit me, that he wouldn't verbally or emotionally abuse me, or that I wouldn't have to worry about if and when he would come home. Hoping he would come home, but dreading when he did come home. That was my life, or non life. I was isolating myself. I didn't want people to either see the sadness in me, or to pity me, or to blame me. My head was all messed up then, and in writing this, perhaps it still is, it seems to be disjointed, but you know what, "that's OK".
So, I'm in a good place now, I left my healing cabin, and joining the living again. It took me a long time, but I'm starting to get a good feeling when I wake up in the morning now, instead of cursing the sunlight coming into my room.
I still gravitate a little towards isolation, but I am pushing myself out of that. I've met my new neighbors, and made several friends where I am now. People are always offering to help me do things, and I really don't know how to respond to kindness, but I guess I'll learn that. I might have to invite the neighbors over for dinner.
I remember listening to this song by Van Morrison, "Reminds me of You", the only lines I can remember now of that song is..............
Ain't going down no more to the well,
Sometimes it feels like I'm going to h3ll.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Amy 
Sometimes we just have to live our lives...and that can mean no time to be here at SR. And that's OK. You have had a lot going on lately, and all great things!!
Just telling your story like you do is helpful to others!
Sometimes we just have to live our lives...and that can mean no time to be here at SR. And that's OK. You have had a lot going on lately, and all great things!!
Just telling your story like you do is helpful to others!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Nobody here owes anyone. We give what we can as we can. We work on our lives along our own path. We come for community and we ask for support. We offer community and we extend support. Sometimes we’re here for a long time. Sometimes we only pop in and out.
That’s life.
Thank you or sharing. I’m glad you’re doing well.
That’s life.
Thank you or sharing. I’m glad you’re doing well.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi Amy,
To see everything in your life coming together, going well and having an ease and flow to it gives me great hope.
To have a home that's filled with the love, confidence and peace that I hear in your words is a beautiful example of in recovery in action.
Thank you for being here. God's timing, not ours.
To see everything in your life coming together, going well and having an ease and flow to it gives me great hope.
To have a home that's filled with the love, confidence and peace that I hear in your words is a beautiful example of in recovery in action.
Thank you for being here. God's timing, not ours.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
We're all human.
Learning this social aspect of living, interacting and moving forward with new and changing views has been a bigger part of my recovery than staying focused on what I'm healing from. Acknowledgem and recognition of hurts, pains and trauma is necessary. Learning to sit with those feelings when I feel called to it, and then turning again and again towards the good in life is what's been bringing healing the quickest for me now.
No one path. No one way.
(((hugs)))
Learning this social aspect of living, interacting and moving forward with new and changing views has been a bigger part of my recovery than staying focused on what I'm healing from. Acknowledgem and recognition of hurts, pains and trauma is necessary. Learning to sit with those feelings when I feel called to it, and then turning again and again towards the good in life is what's been bringing healing the quickest for me now.
No one path. No one way.
(((hugs)))
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
amy…...I am just so glad that you have been able to move forward, as you have.....
To know that it is possible, can be the very thing that so many, who come here, can take as inspiration...…
Some things really to need to be left in the past....so that there is room to be fully in the present....
To know that it is possible, can be the very thing that so many, who come here, can take as inspiration...…
Some things really to need to be left in the past....so that there is room to be fully in the present....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
As our lives evolve and improve, the stresses that once brought us here to post no longer exist. Our lives change in different ways. I love hearing the actions done to achieve a better life and the success stories. I'm happy and hopeful when I hear success stories.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,609
I love hearing your updates! Your posts make me smile actually. While your need for SR may have diminished your posts are great!
What you have to say not only is inspiring, it's uplifting i'm sure to people who are struggling. Look what you have accomplished.
What you have to say not only is inspiring, it's uplifting i'm sure to people who are struggling. Look what you have accomplished.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Everyone here is so nice... I'm not leaving here, I consider everyone here as my family. I love coming here and sharing my progress and updates, because I know everyone here will understand. It's been a long journey and I could not have done it without all the support that I received here.
I'm at a really good place in my life right now, something that I never expected. I have learned to live and let live, to let go of things when I need to, and to finally concentrate on controlling my life and the way that "I" want it to be.
I have let go of the past, I can actually give hugs to both my ex and his gf when I see them, (actually I like the gf more then I ever liked my ex). I know I was very bitter for a really long time. I had to let that bitterness, and also the anger go. I'm not saying that anger is a bad thing, I had to use that anger to improve my life. I had to give up denial, and I had to give up hope. Hope that I could change another person, that is not possible.
I have gone from trying to have "hope" that the person I married would someday treat me like a human to wondering how I can repay the kindness of others. I can't repay that kindness, I just hope to pass it along to someone else.
Domestic Abuse is still deep in my heart. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THAT WAY. I just can't keep reliving what I went through.
I learned a lot of hard facts about myself also while being a part of this forum, and I thank you for that. It all made me a better person, and also got me to look to myself instead of pointing my finger to someone else.
So, my new life begins, as I close the book on the last chapter of my life.
Will be picking up my new puppy, Jasper, on Monday, after visiting friends in Wilkes-Barre this weekend. Will post pics of my new baby.
((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
amy
I'm at a really good place in my life right now, something that I never expected. I have learned to live and let live, to let go of things when I need to, and to finally concentrate on controlling my life and the way that "I" want it to be.
I have let go of the past, I can actually give hugs to both my ex and his gf when I see them, (actually I like the gf more then I ever liked my ex). I know I was very bitter for a really long time. I had to let that bitterness, and also the anger go. I'm not saying that anger is a bad thing, I had to use that anger to improve my life. I had to give up denial, and I had to give up hope. Hope that I could change another person, that is not possible.
I have gone from trying to have "hope" that the person I married would someday treat me like a human to wondering how I can repay the kindness of others. I can't repay that kindness, I just hope to pass it along to someone else.
Domestic Abuse is still deep in my heart. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THAT WAY. I just can't keep reliving what I went through.
I learned a lot of hard facts about myself also while being a part of this forum, and I thank you for that. It all made me a better person, and also got me to look to myself instead of pointing my finger to someone else.
So, my new life begins, as I close the book on the last chapter of my life.
Will be picking up my new puppy, Jasper, on Monday, after visiting friends in Wilkes-Barre this weekend. Will post pics of my new baby.
((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Amy, I come and go on the boards myself. So glad to see you are adjusting to a new life and a new way of living. You inspire us all with sharing your story of moving forward, ever so slowly but still always pressing on towards a better healthier you! That's what makes it so lovely and beautiful! Keep doing you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
Hi Amy,
I'm in a similar position with only coming here once in a while - I haven't had an active A in my life for many years or any A issues (other than a distant family member but that doesn't effect me much - it's easy to stay detached when they aren't that close to you). I'm doing well with my daughter (it was a long complicated cancer, IVF ,surrogacy journey post XRAH that led to my miracle daughter being born in December) and most of my life concerns these days revolve around being a new single mom which doesn't exactly fit as a topic here. lol. I've been looking for support on some Single Mothers By Choice forums. I've really come to a nice place and I have everything I've ever wanted (baby, house, career, new friends) except no relationship (and I'm not even sure that's a want anymore)...and I'm ok with that! Not even looking at this point...maybe again the future when my daughter is older.
Anyway I love hearing how well you're doing! Do come and update us when you can.
I'm in a similar position with only coming here once in a while - I haven't had an active A in my life for many years or any A issues (other than a distant family member but that doesn't effect me much - it's easy to stay detached when they aren't that close to you). I'm doing well with my daughter (it was a long complicated cancer, IVF ,surrogacy journey post XRAH that led to my miracle daughter being born in December) and most of my life concerns these days revolve around being a new single mom which doesn't exactly fit as a topic here. lol.
I've been looking for support on some Single Mothers By Choice forums. I've really come to a nice place and I have everything I've ever wanted (baby, house, career, new friends) except no relationship (and I'm not even sure that's a want anymore)...and I'm ok with that! Not even looking at this point...maybe again the future when my daughter is older.Anyway I love hearing how well you're doing! Do come and update us when you can.
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