I finally decided to leave.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 13
I finally decided to leave.
I met my fiance 7 years ago, he was from Sweden, I came from Australia. I moved to Sweden to be with him.
Im now 44 this year, and finally leaving him for good.
At the start, our relationship was like a fairy tale, he said he used to drink, but hadnt drunk for 7 years. I accepted this and truly believed he would never drink again.
We were happy, laughed had good times, and worked online together as graphic artists. We decided to buy an apartment a few hours away from his mother (during this time we lived with his mother, but I wanted a place of our own). After we moved, the problems started, he began drinking. And my life turned upside down, I had to almost carry him to bed, clean him, try to make him eat until he was so sick I had to ring the ambulance, this happened many times.
When he drinks, he turns nasty, verbily, and says the most horrible things to me and treats me like crap.
I began to feel worthless, and would gain weight at times, stop wearing makeup because i was too mentally exhausted to even bother. When he drank I had to handle all of our clients by myself, sometimes 10 clients at once, and doing all the graphic work alone....its not an easy job to both. (look after him and work)
I guess the final nail on the head was this year. He wanted to sell the apartment as he was bored with married life and security and wanted to go to spain.
I agreed reluctantly. we sold the apartment and he started drinking 2 weeks before we were meant to leave.
I booked plane tickets and a hotel to spain hoping he would sober up by the time we left.........i was only kidding myself, that never happened.
So because he wouldnt be able to get on a flight being so drunk, we had to go to his mothers house again and stay there. While there he drank more heavily, and I was at my wits end.
He drank over 2000 dollars worth of alcohol while we were at his mothers during that month.
sigh........ it was bad i know.
Then he started to sober up because of a public holiday and the alcohol store was closed, so he could only drink light beer.
He started to get better, starting eating etc, and then we tried to buy another apartment, we were turned down. so he suggested we go to Turkey instead. I agreed.
He started drinking heavy beer at the airport and all during our 4 hour flight from hell to Turkey, drinking and verbally abusing me the whole time.
Everyone looked at me like it was my fault........I will never understand that.
So anyway, now we are here in Turkey, no money no food , nothing. And he is still drinking.
So I finally reached out to my daughter for help, and hopefully in a few days I can go back to Australia for good, leaving this nightmare behind me.
I dont feel sorry for him anymore, or even worry about him anymore, he is a grown man of 48 who should know how to take care of himself.
I have given him my best, its obvious now he refuses to change, and knows I will follow him around, work for him, clean him, etc if I love him.
But I dont anymore, and now its my turn to think about me, and my life, instead of worrying how to survive with him and his catastrophic world.
oh and I also forgot to mention that he said he would kill himself if I left, and track me down and kill me if I left. ..........how horrible.
Im now 44 this year, and finally leaving him for good.
At the start, our relationship was like a fairy tale, he said he used to drink, but hadnt drunk for 7 years. I accepted this and truly believed he would never drink again.
We were happy, laughed had good times, and worked online together as graphic artists. We decided to buy an apartment a few hours away from his mother (during this time we lived with his mother, but I wanted a place of our own). After we moved, the problems started, he began drinking. And my life turned upside down, I had to almost carry him to bed, clean him, try to make him eat until he was so sick I had to ring the ambulance, this happened many times.
When he drinks, he turns nasty, verbily, and says the most horrible things to me and treats me like crap.
I began to feel worthless, and would gain weight at times, stop wearing makeup because i was too mentally exhausted to even bother. When he drank I had to handle all of our clients by myself, sometimes 10 clients at once, and doing all the graphic work alone....its not an easy job to both. (look after him and work)
I guess the final nail on the head was this year. He wanted to sell the apartment as he was bored with married life and security and wanted to go to spain.
I agreed reluctantly. we sold the apartment and he started drinking 2 weeks before we were meant to leave.
I booked plane tickets and a hotel to spain hoping he would sober up by the time we left.........i was only kidding myself, that never happened.
So because he wouldnt be able to get on a flight being so drunk, we had to go to his mothers house again and stay there. While there he drank more heavily, and I was at my wits end.
He drank over 2000 dollars worth of alcohol while we were at his mothers during that month.
sigh........ it was bad i know.
Then he started to sober up because of a public holiday and the alcohol store was closed, so he could only drink light beer.
He started to get better, starting eating etc, and then we tried to buy another apartment, we were turned down. so he suggested we go to Turkey instead. I agreed.
He started drinking heavy beer at the airport and all during our 4 hour flight from hell to Turkey, drinking and verbally abusing me the whole time.
Everyone looked at me like it was my fault........I will never understand that.
So anyway, now we are here in Turkey, no money no food , nothing. And he is still drinking.
So I finally reached out to my daughter for help, and hopefully in a few days I can go back to Australia for good, leaving this nightmare behind me.
I dont feel sorry for him anymore, or even worry about him anymore, he is a grown man of 48 who should know how to take care of himself.
I have given him my best, its obvious now he refuses to change, and knows I will follow him around, work for him, clean him, etc if I love him.
But I dont anymore, and now its my turn to think about me, and my life, instead of worrying how to survive with him and his catastrophic world.
oh and I also forgot to mention that he said he would kill himself if I left, and track me down and kill me if I left. ..........how horrible.
Last edited by misskittka; 07-08-2018 at 12:45 AM. Reason: i forgot to add something
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Welcome to SR. You are among those who understand what you have been through. My story was in ways similar to yours. The thing we all have in common is that we have cared for an out of control alcoholic.
It is fortunate that you did not marry this man. I wish I could have said the same. We ended up divorced.
You absolutely are correct in realizing that he is a grown man who needs to care for himself. It's your job to take care of you.
Coming to this forum and reading was the best thing to help me understand alcoholism.
My XAH also threatened suicide. It's been years since our divorced and he's still going strong. Those kind of threats are a way to keep you pulled into the drama. It is emotional terrorism.
The best thing I did was to go no contact.
Peace and good luck to you. I think you'll enjoy your new life.
It is fortunate that you did not marry this man. I wish I could have said the same. We ended up divorced.
You absolutely are correct in realizing that he is a grown man who needs to care for himself. It's your job to take care of you.
Coming to this forum and reading was the best thing to help me understand alcoholism.
My XAH also threatened suicide. It's been years since our divorced and he's still going strong. Those kind of threats are a way to keep you pulled into the drama. It is emotional terrorism.
The best thing I did was to go no contact.
Peace and good luck to you. I think you'll enjoy your new life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Go back to your home Country and leave him exactly as is. Drunk!
I left my alcoholic husband in June and I'm at peace with it. I love my new home and I'm making it even though my fridge is bare because I eat at work. I've heard it all from him threatening me and my boyfriend (I don't have one) with a loaded 9mm to my face (Yes he did pull it on me) and him basically calling me a wh*re telling me I will have nothing without him! He was even sober for 20 years when we met!!!
He's taught me a lot for future relationships and that is to not ignore red flags! I will never be with another alcoholic. He's my first n last! We'll have been married for 7 years on 7/9/11.
I left my alcoholic husband in June and I'm at peace with it. I love my new home and I'm making it even though my fridge is bare because I eat at work. I've heard it all from him threatening me and my boyfriend (I don't have one) with a loaded 9mm to my face (Yes he did pull it on me) and him basically calling me a wh*re telling me I will have nothing without him! He was even sober for 20 years when we met!!!
He's taught me a lot for future relationships and that is to not ignore red flags! I will never be with another alcoholic. He's my first n last! We'll have been married for 7 years on 7/9/11.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
misskitka, that is a horrible story. Luckily you are travelling just about as far from Sweden as is possible. It sounds like he doesn't have it together enough to track you down, but please be careful anyway.
You must be feeling traumatised now so expect it to take some time to heal. Coming down from all that adrenaline might leave you feeling flat and depressed for a while, or angry or a mix. Reach out whenever you need to.
You must be feeling traumatised now so expect it to take some time to heal. Coming down from all that adrenaline might leave you feeling flat and depressed for a while, or angry or a mix. Reach out whenever you need to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 13
Well I left today, he tried to stop me, it was tough, but I was finally able to free myself from his grip (yes he was holding me and saying "I will change! I will change!) and flee, i went to a restaurant and asked for them to call the police so someone could take me to an Australian Embassy, the police instead gave me the number to the embassy, and the embassy said they couldnt help me..... Great. No money, stuck in turkey with an alcoholic. I then asked my mother and daughter, they are both financially strapped and couldnt help. So I had to march back to the horrible hotel and wait until I get money in 2 weeks... then I can go. Its hell but I will live through it until I can go. Next time, I will go when he is passed out on the bed ...lesson learned there. And of course he thinks Ive come back to stay. But I have not. Im not back here because I crumbled..........hardly, Im only back cause ive got nowhere else to stay until my money comes. He will NEVER change, I hope this time goes fast. And thankyou to everyone who wrote to me, it just extra strengthens my belief Im doing the right thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 13
ahhh some good news, my mother is buying me a ticket so I leave on Wednesday, (in 2 days) thank god for that!!!! im out of here on wednesday, either way, im still going to sneak out when he is sleeping, he also takes some kind of depressant pill so it knocks him out.
Going home wednesday, im excited as hell!!!!!
Going home wednesday, im excited as hell!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 13
i have blocked him from facebook and hotmail so he cant talk to me at all. after wednesday i never want to hear from him again. AND changed all my passwords so he cant do anything.
I deleted all numbers from his phone that connect to my family........basically after I leave he is cut off for good.
*******, im sitting here starving and he is still drinking beer thinking everything is okay.........yep it is for now in his mind. lol
Let him have his stupid beer, i can play the game until wednesday . ha.
I deleted all numbers from his phone that connect to my family........basically after I leave he is cut off for good.
*******, im sitting here starving and he is still drinking beer thinking everything is okay.........yep it is for now in his mind. lol
Let him have his stupid beer, i can play the game until wednesday . ha.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 13
Well, I did it guys, I got away! But I had to tell him though, I lied and said I would be going because my daughter is having an operation and needs me, and that I would be back in a week..... so he let me go. I know this might sound daft, but I made sure he had food for a week, and bought him some more beer (his friends sent us some money) I even made 400 usd last week from work so he would have money to get home if he wanted to. Leaving him stranded in a foreign country is not something I could do to even my worst enemy. So....my mother booked the ticket for wednesday, I left on Tuesday afternoon and walked to the bus and spent the night in the prayer room at the airport and got some good sleep, and now I am in Qatar and in a complimentary hotel waiting for my next flight to Perth, then Brisbane. The whole time so far, Ive been thinking how nice it is not to have to worry about him, or be embarressed because of him. its just me, sober single me, and everyone looks at me now with approval, not distaste. Of course, on Tuesday he gave the usual story of that he would kill himself if i didnt come back etc, tried to give me pity looks....I just played along, I should be an actress, I even bathed his toe in salt water (cause it looked like it was getting infected, he must of hurt it a few days ago or something.....when he was stumbling around). One other thing I noticed, as soon as I start to talk about myself....he changes the subject as quickly as he can back to himself.....and I realized for the first time he only ever talks about himself....nothing else.... lol good ridance. My engagement ring he bought me off ebay for 6 dollars (yep big spender lol) is now in the toilet bin in Antalya airport. Im free guys and I love it.! But how the hell do I tell him Im not coming back???? I really need advice on that.
ps, final note, he asked me is there anything I would like him to change about himself ; I said get a job. He laughed and said never.......... wow, what a guy. (not)
ohhhhhhhhhhhh i have to tell you guys about the food on the airplane! omg i was so hungry!! lol I had lamb and rice, a bean salad, a bread roll with cheese and a small piece of cake, with mango juice, 2 cokes, a cup of tea and a glass of water (yes I'm always thirsty hahah) it was soooooooo good to eat!!!!!!!!!!!! lol I savoured every bite.!!!!
the hotel has scales....ive lost almost 6kg since moving to turkey a week ago. 6kg in a week is really horrendous......that goes to show how badly he was looking
after me.
ps, final note, he asked me is there anything I would like him to change about himself ; I said get a job. He laughed and said never.......... wow, what a guy. (not)
ohhhhhhhhhhhh i have to tell you guys about the food on the airplane! omg i was so hungry!! lol I had lamb and rice, a bean salad, a bread roll with cheese and a small piece of cake, with mango juice, 2 cokes, a cup of tea and a glass of water (yes I'm always thirsty hahah) it was soooooooo good to eat!!!!!!!!!!!! lol I savoured every bite.!!!!
the hotel has scales....ive lost almost 6kg since moving to turkey a week ago. 6kg in a week is really horrendous......that goes to show how badly he was looking
after me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 13
Thankyou to everyones replies and support, its really meant a lot to me!
Ive tried to leave before, but never made it past the airport, but this time I did.
Thank goodness I left while I could still take control of my life, Im 44 now, and I still have time to work and buy a little house of my own and buy a cat and live in peace and serenity.
Ive tried to leave before, but never made it past the airport, but this time I did.
Thank goodness I left while I could still take control of my life, Im 44 now, and I still have time to work and buy a little house of my own and buy a cat and live in peace and serenity.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
