Meraviglioso

I have so much in front of me I can't stop thinking about it and being worried.
I still have not heard from the court as to what my punishment will be for driving under the influence. Every day I get more and more anxious about that. It is not until that arrives that my lawyer can start to work on asking for permission to drive my kids to school and for me to drive to work.....
....when and if I get a job. I can't start looking for one now as I feel like I have too much to concentrate on in terms of cleaning up the immediate mess. I have so many appointments with my psychiatrist and psychologist and the family mediator. I have to go next week and file for unemployment.
I so wish it didn't take this incident for me to go to a new doctor and get my meds straightened out. I was a zombie at work with no memory and no concentration. It is no wonder my contract did not get renewed. I feel like things would have been different if I had gotten off the piles of pills I was on earlier and onto this new medication.
I am desperate to get back to a normal schedule with my kids but their father, grandparents and this horrible mediator want more time. I can understand that, I can, but my heart just aches for them. We have a schedule that I see them every morning and then they come to my house one day for the morning and lunch and leave at 3pm. Then they come another evening for the afternoon and dinner. I know they want to be back with me for the night though and my older son especially is very sad about it. I try to stay positive, explain that this is an ok solution for now and soon things will be back to normal.
When (in my mind, not to the kids) I start to get angry at their father for this I remember it is my own doing, my own fault.
I've just been feeling really strong and ok up until about yesterday where I felt a crash of my strength and positivity.

Atlast9999

You sure do have a lot on your plate. Just take it one step at a time.

neferkamichael

Meraviglioso, me too, for quite some time and there is nothing going wrong at this time, so duuh. If ya figure something out please post it, rootin for ya.

WeaverBird

At some point I lost the power of choice over when and how much I would drink, and I don't like the idea of anyone hitting themselves over the head with the hammer of blame if they drink like I did. It isn't the thing to do.

I think this disease is the worst, and I wouldn't wish it on a dog, and really hate it when it separates us from our children, and we love them so, so very much. I certainly didn't love the alcohol and I doubt you did either. I just had to have it, above all things, I had to have a drink.

You are taking all the necessary steps to normalise the situation. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing the next thing you have to do, and this mess will pass Don't lose hope.

ScottFromWI

Try and remember that you can only do so much Mera. And what you don't get done today can wait for tomorrow. What's of utmost importance now is staying sober of course so try and focus your attention on that. The rest will have a way of working itself out.

Delilah1

Hi Mera,

That is definitely a lot, but you are taking the positive steps you need to take. Anyone who knows you knows how much you love your boys, and the fact that you are so positive with them about why things are the way they are right now confirms this.

It may take a little time for you to get back to the custody arrangement you had in the past, but you will get there.

The best thing you can do right now is get healthy, and you are doing that by staying sober, and getting the correct meds. You will find the right fit for you in terms of work, once all of this is straightened out. I know you can do this.

Sending lots of love your way.

❤️Delilah

Hevyn

This 'in limbo' time is so difficult. I had 2 dui's & I remember feeling just the way you do. I would like to send you some love too - and I will keep praying.

b0glerd69

Hi Mera,

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Try to take things one at a time. You'll get through this and be wiser for the experience. Hopefully, it won't be too bad with the DUI but I can imagine that you're ripping yourself up over that. I hope you can get some rest from the worry.

least

Rar

Dee74

I really believe that, as long as we remain in recovery, better days are ahead Mera

D

Meraviglioso

Thank you all for your uplifting words, support and advice. I will take it to heart. It is just a down few days, I know I can overcome this. Unfortunately the only thing that will make it better is time, the one thing I can't do anything about. But I can stay sober and I am doing that happily.

Gilmer

(((((Mera)))))

newhope01

I wish I had parents that fought for me as hard as you fight for your children.

Would have been nice to have my father walk me down the aisle at my wedding or have a father/daughter dance. Would have been nice to have my attend my wedding but she wouldn't get clean and caused too much emotional damage to many of the guests for me to invite her anyway.

Would have been nice to have a mom to help me through puberty or grandparents for my future child. But dad won't get clean and feels his "heart" is just fine.

Its so obvious how much you love your kids and it shows through how hard you're working to get them back and make sure they are safe and healthy.

Try to focus on that and take it moment by moment. Your kids are truly blessed to have you.