Atlast9999

I married my drinking buddy. I have 24 days sober. He continues to drink and, when drunk, thinks I’m being overly dramatic and that I don’t actually have a problem.

Last night he got drunk and then gave me the following unsolicited advice.

1. I don’t have a problem because I never had the shakes.
2. I don’t have a problem because I never craved alcohol.
3. I don’t have a problem because I only sometimes did stupid things.
4. I don’t have a problem because I can drink in moderation if I just put my mind to it.

Obviously there are gaping holes in his logic and I know that. I attempted to disprove his logic but it’s quite impossible to argue with a drunk person. I ended up putting a movie on so that he would pass out and I could be alone.

I then spent a lot of time and energy reminding myself that I cannot drink in moderation and that my husband’s advice comes from his misunderstanding and his addiction as well. When he’s sober, he “gets it” and is more supportive.

It’s tough to stop drinking and manage just myself but certainly more difficult when I get this kind of advice from my husband.

DontRemember

My exAgf(also was my drinking buddy) would try to sabatoge my sobriety by minimizing my past drinking. Then in her next drunken 'rant' yell out "You're an alcoholic!!" Just mind your 'side of the street' and let him worry about his.

bunnezjp

Just do you. Block everything else out the best you can.

~Bunnez

fini

if you were to read the AVRT threads in the secular sections farther down, you would see that your hubby is "all Beast" and Addictive (addicted?) voice when he speaks thus.

you go! congratulations on your days.

Numblady

I married my drinking buddy too! I try to remember how it would have been rough for me if he had abruptly quit like I did. But I can’t lie. There are some very trying moments. He’s overall supportive but doesn’t ultimately think I’m as bad as I do. I think in part because he doesn’t think he’s as bad as he is if that makes any sense. Anyhow I’m 6 months. Hasn’t always been easy of course but I continue to believe I have done the right thing for myself and my family. Please feel free to PM me. I am slow at responding sometimes but I try to get on once a day. I have a feeling we could swap stories. Anyhow sorry for the drunk advice. Glad he’s otherwise supportive. Hope you keep posting here!

tomsteve

I married my drinking buddy.

this is probably a major component to why the comments- he lost his drinking buddy.

good on ya for not believing any of it.

MindfulMan

I lived with a man who ended up drinking himself to death for about six years. During that time, I got sober on several occasions. He would be "supportive," but kept asking me if I wanted a drink. It bugged me until I realized that this was my sobriety, and not his. After that I just ignored it.

I never stopped drinking with the intention of getting "sober" or stopping for good, it just wasn't working for me. I've had periods of a year or more more where I didn't drink. Of course this meant I wasn't a "real" alcoholic until I got into rehab and had someone look at my patterns with me.

You're fighting both your own and his AV. Just say no to both. Eventually he will back off when he gets no response, but it will ALWAYS be in the background.

My friends continued alcoholism didn't push me into drinking. In fact it disgusted me to the point where I didn't want it anymore.

PeacefulWater12

I married my drinking buddy too, he tried to derail me lots of times when I quit but I just carried on. It is possible. I can understand how annoyed he was to lose his long term drinking buddy but I couldn't ruin my health just to not upset him!

Berrybean

I still live with my old drinking buddy of several decades as well, and endured plenty of similar conversations. I just had to tell him, "thanks for caring, And you know I love you, but we'll just have to agree to disagree on the nature of what constitutes alcoholism / problem drinking. My drinking got to be a problem for ME, so I need to stop. You do what you've got to do, and I'll do the same -hopefully together." A few months down the line he started with the fears that I was gonna leave him because he was still drinking (and a lot more than he had before - almost challenging me to a fight about it.)

Thank God for AA and this place and the fellowship I found there. Pretty sure I'd have caved to pressure from partner and ex-drinking buddies without it.

BB

Atlast9999

I bet we could swap stories. I have no idea how to PM - very tech illiterate!!

Atlast9999

Thank you all for your responses. It’s reassuring to know that other people also married their drinking buddies and have found a way to make their marriage work. This sober business sure isn’t easy...

thomas11

24 days is pretty early on in sobriety, it gets easier. Keep your resolve and try and block out negative influences.