Both parents are alcoholics & I need help...
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 4
Both parents are alcoholics & I need help...
I’m new here, I posted this to a different forum & someone suggested I come here.
I’m a recent college grad that lives at home with my 2 parents & younger brother. Both of our parents are alcoholics, & have been unhappily cohabitating for most of my life. Their drunken spats have been traumatic for both my brother and I since we were young. I’ve begged for years for them to seek help, even going so far as to help my mom look into AA in the area. She won’t go unless my dad goes with her, but he doesn’t believe he has a problem. When I was in elementary, one of their drunken fights turned physical & landed my dad in jail and anger management. He is an angry and irrational drunk, so confronting him when he’s in this state is not an option. He calls my mom horrible things and tells her she needs help and what a loser she is for being dependant on alcohol, while he himself is a bottle of whiskey and half a bottle of wine deep. He has struggled with weight on and off, and recently claimed he would quit drinking in order to help lose weight and help his liver (yeah, doctors orders). Here we are not even 48 hours later and he is plastered, passed out in bed at 1pm. Though I’m not sure where he did the actual drinking because it wasn’t out in the open. They constantly fight and spew hateful words, and it is getting hard to deal with. They constantly put me in the middle of things & its too much for me to handle anymore. I don’t know what to do. I have a job but I’m not even close to being able to live on my own or pay my car/phone bills. I feel hopeless and stuck. I don’t have any one I can stay with, and I fear worse what would happen if I did leave. Neither of them will admit to a problem and my brother and I are forced to walk on eggshells to avoid blowouts. While my dad has never put hands on me, he has been known to push my younger brother around with force. It isn’t healthy for either of us to live in this situation. If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it.
I’m a recent college grad that lives at home with my 2 parents & younger brother. Both of our parents are alcoholics, & have been unhappily cohabitating for most of my life. Their drunken spats have been traumatic for both my brother and I since we were young. I’ve begged for years for them to seek help, even going so far as to help my mom look into AA in the area. She won’t go unless my dad goes with her, but he doesn’t believe he has a problem. When I was in elementary, one of their drunken fights turned physical & landed my dad in jail and anger management. He is an angry and irrational drunk, so confronting him when he’s in this state is not an option. He calls my mom horrible things and tells her she needs help and what a loser she is for being dependant on alcohol, while he himself is a bottle of whiskey and half a bottle of wine deep. He has struggled with weight on and off, and recently claimed he would quit drinking in order to help lose weight and help his liver (yeah, doctors orders). Here we are not even 48 hours later and he is plastered, passed out in bed at 1pm. Though I’m not sure where he did the actual drinking because it wasn’t out in the open. They constantly fight and spew hateful words, and it is getting hard to deal with. They constantly put me in the middle of things & its too much for me to handle anymore. I don’t know what to do. I have a job but I’m not even close to being able to live on my own or pay my car/phone bills. I feel hopeless and stuck. I don’t have any one I can stay with, and I fear worse what would happen if I did leave. Neither of them will admit to a problem and my brother and I are forced to walk on eggshells to avoid blowouts. While my dad has never put hands on me, he has been known to push my younger brother around with force. It isn’t healthy for either of us to live in this situation. If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it.
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Hillsboro Oregon
Posts: 154
Jschrod, I am very sorry for your situation. I do not know if Al anon might have something for you and your brother. I was the brunt of my dad's explosions so I would make my self invisible in the home. That won't work for you due to the arguing so finding a place maybe with a relative. Please keep us in the loop. There are some pretty smart folks here that I hope can send you in the right direction.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Jschrod…..If I were you, I would google the county government, where you live, and find out phone n umber, location, etc, of a social worker that works for the county government. There will probably be more than one and several different county programs....
See the worker in person...you will probably need to make an appointment....
Point being, that a social worker would know about various financial resources that you might qualify....and can help you get some legal advice....it may be possible, through Protective Services to get placement of your brother in another home...either relatives or another suitable foster home....perhaps, even placed with you to foster him....(maybe, you could move out with him and get payment from the government for caring for him...and, extra financial assistance for housing, food, etc....
I believe there are options, but you will have to be willing to think outside of the box and to turn over some rocks...…
I think that ACOA....adult children of alcoholics would give you emotional support and alateen for your brother...
You can't save your parents...but, you can help yourself and your little brother......
See the worker in person...you will probably need to make an appointment....
Point being, that a social worker would know about various financial resources that you might qualify....and can help you get some legal advice....it may be possible, through Protective Services to get placement of your brother in another home...either relatives or another suitable foster home....perhaps, even placed with you to foster him....(maybe, you could move out with him and get payment from the government for caring for him...and, extra financial assistance for housing, food, etc....
I believe there are options, but you will have to be willing to think outside of the box and to turn over some rocks...…
I think that ACOA....adult children of alcoholics would give you emotional support and alateen for your brother...
You can't save your parents...but, you can help yourself and your little brother......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Jschrod…..If I were you, I would google the county government, where you live, and find out phone n umber, location, etc, of a social worker that works for the county government. There will probably be more than one and several different county programs....
See the worker in person...you will probably need to make an appointment....
Point being, that a social worker would know about various financial resources that you might qualify....and can help you get some legal advice....it may be possible, through Protective Services to get placement of your brother in another home...either relatives or another suitable foster home....perhaps, even placed with you to foster him....(maybe, you could move out with him and get payment from the government for caring for him...and, extra financial assistance for housing, food, etc....
I believe there are options, but you will have to be willing to think outside of the box and to turn over some rocks...…
I think that ACOA....adult children of alcoholics would give you emotional support and alateen for your brother...
You can't save your parents...but, you can help yourself and your little brother......
See the worker in person...you will probably need to make an appointment....
Point being, that a social worker would know about various financial resources that you might qualify....and can help you get some legal advice....it may be possible, through Protective Services to get placement of your brother in another home...either relatives or another suitable foster home....perhaps, even placed with you to foster him....(maybe, you could move out with him and get payment from the government for caring for him...and, extra financial assistance for housing, food, etc....
I believe there are options, but you will have to be willing to think outside of the box and to turn over some rocks...…
I think that ACOA....adult children of alcoholics would give you emotional support and alateen for your brother...
You can't save your parents...but, you can help yourself and your little brother......
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by Jschrod1765
I didn’t even know that was an option... I’ve spent so much time trying to get them help that I hadn’t looked into how to help myself and my brother. I am looking into theae today & I very much appreciate your help and support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 539
Jschrod,
A good way to get help from a social worker, is through your brother's school Bare in mind that teacher's and all employees become mandatory reporters. If you share abuse of your brother or mother, it WILL be investigated. This is a good thing in my opinion, but you need to be ready. It also does not mean that your brother will be removed. The type of mistreatment you have spoken of generally warrants a home visit and some follow up. This lets dad and mom know they need to watch their behavior. I don't know your school system, but typically counselling is extended to the family for free at first. Good luck and check back here to let us know how things are going. I work in an inner city school system that has a lot of children in tough situations. I know several older siblings taking care of the younger ones with some assistance from the government. Having a college degree will help you present yourself as an appropriate, responsible adult. Good Luck!
A good way to get help from a social worker, is through your brother's school Bare in mind that teacher's and all employees become mandatory reporters. If you share abuse of your brother or mother, it WILL be investigated. This is a good thing in my opinion, but you need to be ready. It also does not mean that your brother will be removed. The type of mistreatment you have spoken of generally warrants a home visit and some follow up. This lets dad and mom know they need to watch their behavior. I don't know your school system, but typically counselling is extended to the family for free at first. Good luck and check back here to let us know how things are going. I work in an inner city school system that has a lot of children in tough situations. I know several older siblings taking care of the younger ones with some assistance from the government. Having a college degree will help you present yourself as an appropriate, responsible adult. Good Luck!
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