DreRams

As many (if not all) of you have said "remember the 3c's, didn’t cause it, can’t control it, can’t cure it."

This has been almost a laughable struggle for me. I never realized what an overbearing control freak I was, until now.
I'm known as a "problem solver" at my job. If there is an issue, large or small, I take care of it. I do the same in my personal life, but living with an alcoholic it's impossible.
There is a tightness in my chest, I feel like I cant breath. I start grinding my teeth and get the urge to punch through a cinder block. I want to scream, but I hold it in. Then that pressure starts to build and my brain feels like it's on fire. Without hesitation I spring into action with more bitterness than a grapefruit.
This has been my entire life, I can't think of a time when I didn't behave this way.
I have to keep cool, so like a kick in the shin, I hit myself with the 3C's whenever I feel the urge to FIX things.
This is obviously not a permanent solution, I'm have to find the source of my issues. But it has helped me get through the moments where I feel like I can't take it anymore.

hopeful4

Oh boy do I understand!

It was not until I divorced and did some real focusing on myself through counseling, Celebrate Recovery, and this fine place before I realized my own issues.

I can only say you are not alone!

trailmix

Hi DreRams,

Yes, I have said in the past that the "fixers" one great attribute is they are great at work!

Did you grow up in an alcoholic family?

OT4Kids

Yes, I am a master fixer. It works ok for many parts of my life, but not with addiction.

DreRams

Not at all. I had a great great uncle who was an alcoholic, but he was so detached from everyone, I never met him. I think he was in his 90s when I was born.

trailmix

I asked because in families where there is an alcoholic present growing up there is usually a "fixer" or two in the group of children.

Not to say that this doesn't present itself in other families but in an alcoholic home, from what I have experienced it's because the person (in a nutshell) needs to be running around smoothing everything over and correcting everything so that no one else is burdened and all is well!

Taking those burdens can be burdensome lol - so that's something to watch out for.

tomsteve

I hit myself with the 3C's whenever I feel the urge to FIX things.
something i found crazy( which some may say,"no,tom, it was nutso insane) was being able to and wanting to help others yet couldnt figure out how to fix myself.

them 3 c's helped me tremendously. i used to remind myself over and over and over and over and over......
somewhere along the journey something happened within me:
i accepted the truth to them 3 c's. i dont know why but when i accepted that, i was able to truly work on myself.

tomsteve

that was something else i had to learn- it was ok to want to help others and be able to. its a good quality, but the motive for doing it was very important.