Meraviglioso

Has anyone used this book with their children? My mother ordered it for me and it just arrived. It is written by a licensed counsellor, Carolyn Hannan Bell.
Not everything in the book applies to me and my situation with my children but I am thinking of reading it to them.
I would be interested in any feedback if anyone else has read it to their children.
Thank you

entropy1964

How old are your children now?

Meraviglioso

They are 8 and 9 and a half.

lessgravity

I have an 11 year old son and would be hesitant to share on too deep of a level what it means to be an alcoholic or what I have done because of alcohol. I say this just personally - you may be a very different parent or person so please don't take offense.

I just am unsure whether sharing too much now, when our kids are so young, is to their benefit. I certainly plan to talk to him in the future - especially when he is of partying age as a teenager about his choices etc. But I think for kids our kid's ages leading by example and giving them the security and confidence that comes from having a sober parent is the best way to deal with how our drinking problems effect them. I have felt the urge to share like you are thinking before - but upon reflection realized it was more about my wanting to get a response from my son or for me to get things off my chest/mind than it was for him and his well-being.

But that's just me.

ScottFromWI

For me it was personally a lot more important to worry about getting myself better than trying to explain it to my kids. It's hard enough for us to understand addiction ourselves - much less try to explain it to someone else.

The extent of my conversations with my kids about alcohol is basically that I don't drink it anymore because it makes me feel bad - which is totally true ;-) And don't sell your kids short - they know a lot more about our drinking than we think. They notice when we are drunk, they smell it on us, etc. Just being sober in itself speaks volumes to them.

DreamCatcher17

I am in agreement with Scott and Less.

While my son is only 3 (on the 18th, ekkk) I am willing to be open about this topic when he is at a level of being able to comprehend what is said. Most likely at the age where he thinks he wants to experiment with drugs or alcohol. I am hoping he never goes that route but I have to be honest, he is my child, and I started young. I hope he won't go that way since it is not in the house and he is very rarely around it, but there will be a point in life where I am not watching him 24/7.

I am also a big believer in honesty when it comes to my drug use with him, again when it is age appropriate. My hopes with my experience will help him make a good decision, of course to me that is none at all, but I just see that is super unlikely, so education is key!

Whatever way you go, I hope it goes well, whenever the time comes.

Meraviglioso

Thank you everyone for your input. It is making me reconsider. The book is written in child-appropriate terms that could be understood by children their ages. I just wonder because it is out in the open that mommy has a problem with alcohol- we have said "allergic" to alcohol so far. The kids know if I have been drinking and are very upset by it. This last relapse my son was crying and asked "mommy, why did you drink?" so it is not like they don't know what's going on. I thought this book explaining it in child-friendly terms might be a useful tool in talking to them about it.

lessgravity

I know what you mean, and I thought the same thing for a time. But then I thought that being sober would eliminate the need to talk about me being drunk. Seems to be working.

DreamCatcher17

Awe, that is so tough and sad for you all.
I suppose since you have been open with them about it, they see it and are affected by it... What could the book hurt?
I did google the book and a youtube came up, and listening to the speakers, maybe you should look into that and make the best-informed decision for your family?

Radix

I think a book like this might be helpful if the kids have seen drunken behavior. It might help them to know that some people drink alcohol to excess, that their personality changes when they're drunk, and that there is hope for treatment and recovery.

However, if the parents have consistently been sober, I don't know how helpful the book would be. If the kids haven't seen a parent drunk, then "Mommy doesn't like alcohol" is probably all that needs to be said (until such time as the family wants to start dragging skeletons out of closets).

ScottFromWI

I'm not sure that there is a "friendly" term ( child or otherwise ) for explaining alcoholism to anyone. Mostly because addiction simply doesn't make sense - and all the explaining in the world won't make what we've done any less "bad". They already know what happens when we drink, so not drinking is the best possible thing we can do of course. The old adage that actions speak louder than words definitely applies here too.

Anna

Mera, I think I'd probably let the boys know that I was open to talk about my drinking, but I'm not sure about the book. The book itself sounds good. I checked it out on Goodreads and it has a high rating. But, I think it might be enough to answer any questions the boys have whenever they might come up.

Verdantia

My father was an alcoholic who engaged in horrifying behaviors in front of me, including when I was the age of your children, Mera. It was totally confusing to me, and I was a very smart, perceptive child. It would have been helpful to have an age-appropriate explanation of the insanity. I received nothing of the sort, just instructions to lie to preserve the fantasy of a normal family; my mother (who didn't drink) was lonely and angry--I became the best friend instead of daughter and of course heard only one side of the situation, where mom was furious and entirely unsympathetic to dad. It caused me to hate him until well into adulthood. To me, that book doesn't sound at all like a bad idea. Kids get a lot more than one might think--I was so young yet remember a lot of what happened with crystal clarity.

Verdantia

I was intrigued so just looked up 'Mommy's Disease.' It really sounds good and helpful, and has 67% 5-star reviews. I feel strongly that children should get all the resources they need to get through a very tough and confusing time.