dearsobriety

Hey all. I’m feeling a little emotional today. I’m 72 days sober. I’ve mentioned before about feeling like an outcast going to social events by being the only one not drinking. I’ve been to probably 6 different social events in my 72 days of sobriety that were surrounded by alcohol. I have never felt the urge to drink, I just felt out of place.

Today, my husband and I went to a co-ed baby shower. It was a baby shower so I obviously wasn’t the only one not drinking so I didn’t feel out of place. There was alcohol there and some people were getting pretty buzzed... didn’t bother me, never has. I actually had a really great time, I was socializing and laughing FOR REAL... SOBER! One girl that I hadn’t seen in months said she didn’t say hi to me at first because she didn’t recognize me! She said I have always been skinny but I lost a lot of weight and look amazing! She even asked me what my secret was for being in such great shape. I felt amazing. Made NOT drinking even easier!

As the party was ending, people were going to a friend’s house for the after party... meaning, everyone who wanted to get drunk was headed that way. I could tell my husband wanted to go... not to get hammered but because he was having fun with his friends. I don’t want to take that away from him. He’s been so supportive of me and barely drinks anymore. He deserves to have fun. I told him I have been there for 5 hours and I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to stay out all night watching everyone get wasted. He offered to come home with me but I said no, he can go and I will pick him up later if he needs a ride.

Driving away, I started crying. I just felt lonely. I didn’t want to really go home because I was having fun but I knew I would not have fun at the next location. I guess I just got emotional because I usually would’ve been the first one to say “yeah! Let’s keep this party going!” And be ready to drink all night long. I’m sad I can never do that again because I know I can’t drink moderately. I’m ashamed of myself that I let myself get so out of control with my alcoholism that I can never drink socially again. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t ever want to pick up a bottle again. I have no desire to. Especially with all of the positive feedback I’m getting on how great I look... that is a feeling that makes me feel better than any amount of alcohol could do. I guess I am just mourning the loss of partying with everyone. I now know I CAN have fun sober but I just CAN’T have fun being sober surrounded by a bunch of drunk people. Idk if anyone else has felt this way too or if I’m explaining my feelings properly. Just needed a little support because I’m feeling a little down and lonely at the moment.

Thank you all for always being here when I need to someone to talk to.

Forward12

Outstanding words! Part of recovery is to get a "change of scenery" and that includes leaving past drinking buddies for sober ones. Also as you experienced, you CAN have fun without becoming a drunkin' fool.
Well done!

MissPerfumado

Gosh, you have done so well. Bask in that compliment about how lovely you looked, and then ask yourself: how did that come about? Who made that wonderful thing happen? Well, you did, by being strong, sober and healthy. It's not about having your friends think you look great, it's about you KNOWING you look great and KNOWING you achieved it.

I also really like how you didn't resent your husband wanting to party on, just let him get on with it, you're wise and mature and recognise there's no harm at all in letting him have his fun.

Don't get into "poor-me" mode now. Get into "heck, yeah" mode.

You kicked butt.

PeacefulWater12

Great to read your post. Big step forward for you. Very well done.

I also discovered that once sober, it wasn't fun to be around drunk people.

dearsobriety

Thank you for the support! It really was a pivotal moment in my recovery knowing I was actually enjoying myself sober. I wasn’t being socially awkward or just slapping a fake smile on my face to just get through the day. I genuinely had fun AND I didn’t embarrass myself. And the reason I know I didn’t embarrass myself is because I wasn’t a “drunkin’ fool” and I remember everything😃

dearsobriety

“It's not about having your friends think you look great, it's about you KNOWING you look great and KNOWING you achieved it.”

This is why I love this site and all of you people in it with me. Thank you! You really made me feel a whole lot better. You are right. It’s not just about others thinking I look great... it’s me getting my confidence back and knowing I’m working my butt off to get to where I want to be. I did that! And nobody can take that away from me. Getting sober has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I am very proud of how far I have come in such a short time. I am learning to live again and every little obstacle I get through maintaining my sobriety is another accomplishment in my book. Thank you for snapping me out of my little pity party... I am going back into “heck, yeah” mode!! ❤️

dearsobriety

Thank you! It feels very surreal. It almost feels like an out of body experience when I am around drunk people. I used to be one of them. I don’t judge them in any way, I just know that’s not how I want to live my life anymore.

Dee74

dearsobriety

it may not seem like it now but in time you can have whatever life you want to build.

If you want to be the secure non drinker among all your drinking buddies you can be that...if you find you need a new life to go along sober you then you can do that too

I've never had a busier or happier social life than I do now.

It's not as busy as some maybe but it's more than enough for me

Whatever you want - seriously...you can get it...
just stay in recovery

D

Meraviglioso

I think you did great. Feelings of loneliness are normal and it does take time to grow into your new sober skin, it might still feel strange at times. But you had a great time and then not only protected your sobriety by not going but did what YOU wanted to do, which is not hang out with a bunch of drunk people. That is a major step and you should be proud of yourself.

Yixi

"Heck yeah!" DS - next time you're feeling down please remember how you're feeling now & how amazing you are x

kenton

And all the people that went to the after party will wake up with a hangover today and you won't!! That never, ever gets boring. Well done, sounds like you are doing great

AnvilheadII

the point of the outing was the Baby Shower. which you attended and had a good time at. for five hours (just shoot me.....that sounds.....ugh, to ME). then a FEW of the Baby Shower-ers wanted to go to another location and whoop it up.

what about the other non-drinkers? they likely went HOME as well. that's how it's done. go to event, stay/enjoy event, leave event, go home.or go to dinner. or a movie. or......options endless.