AWald88

Hi All

Day 70 today. This is incidentally the longest I've managed to abstain for a long time. The problem is I'm feeling the urge again, and it's been building for a couple of days now.

This is often when I fail (Day 67 then Day 50).
It's hard as I know how it won't be fun but every few weeks (at certain unaoidable triggers) they come back slowly at first then building to a almost physical drive/pull.

What do y'all do to beat these creeping cravings?

least

I accept the feeling of wanting to drink, but then dismiss it because I don't drink anymore. It's just a feeling and doesn't have to become an action. Do you want to be sober more than you want to drink?

Also, the more you stop and start, the worse the withdrawal gets. It's called 'kindling'.

tekink

I also accept the feeling and actually think about it a bit and then dismiss it as well. Think about why I'm craving a drink, the immediate effect then the urge to drink more. The craving would actually go away faster then trying to fight it. I've gotten to a point where actually thinking about having a drink makes me feel kind of sick to my stomach and that helps too.

I relapsed three times around the 60 day mark before making it past that. This time I'm over 500 days now.

No matter how much I craved a drink in sobriety it was never the same as craving a drink when I could only have one! Running out early for whatever reason was just awful.

Dee74

I would plug myself in here a lot - read and post for yourself, maybe explore why you've faltered at this point in the past - but also post for others too.

I found I inevitably knew what to do, but I had [problems putting those ideas in to action for myself.

what else do you do when you come up against these triggers? Have you developed any alternative strategies for them other than drinking yet AWald?

D

Gottalife

I realised that I couldn’t beat it on the unaided will. I simply lacked the power to make the sane choice when it counted.

I got around it through AA. There I met a bunch of people who had had the exact same issue. They took some specific action and their problem was solved. I did what they did and my problem was solved. Among other things, all triggers were neutralized.

From that point on, regardless of whether life went up or down, it never occurred to me to take a drink.

Self reliance had failed, yet with a little bit of work and some faith in a power greater than myself, the booze problem ceased to exist.

Nonsensical

THIS!!!

I really struggled with this, and I know the pattern you describe AWald88.

What if...

Feeling like drinking wasn't a problem that had to be solved? What if you could just accept that sometimes you'll feel like drinking, and that's OK.

Sometimes I want to run idiot drivers into the ditch.
Sometimes I want to make inappropriate suggestions to the pretty girl at the office.
Sometimes I want to key my boss's car.
Sometimes I want to drink.

It ain't the feeling that's the problem, it's the behavior!

70 days is awesome!

AWald88

Thanks everyone for your ideas. I like the idea that sometimes you just want a drink and that's ok.

I as is usual at home ended up getting distracted and forgetting about wanting a drink. I even had lunch at a German restaurant and barely considered getting a beer.

AWald88

The triggers are really simple for me it's two days a month where I could drink for most of the day without my family being affected. It's the lead up to these days when the cravings usual start. It builds until the day and then once the moment is decided it disappears for another 2 weeks

Dee74

I'm glad you got through today but I hope you'll at least think on some of the good suggestions here AWald

D

Dee74

I think you could examine that thought a little deeper, to be honest?

Are you really sure your family would be unaffected? Even if they never find out about the drinking (and most families know more than we think) your regret guilt and shame will be palpable yeah?

That will have to have an effect on our loved ones and our relationship with them.

second, assuming that you're right and your family never know - dfoes that make it right?

Aren't you, and your self worth and well being, worth staying sober?

I never thought I mattered - it didn't matter that the only person I was hurting was myself.

I know now it does matter - and for what it's worth my loved ones have let me know since how much thinking I didn't matter hurt them deeply.

Noone exists in a vaccuum.


I firmly believe every decision has consequences we can't even begin to fathom at the time.

D

August252015

Good comments above, especially the questions in this last from Dee.

As far as specific tools - another one that might be useful is "playing the tape through." Literally trace your steps from the first drink, to what happens after....all the way to the next day (or after your two day window or whatever). What would you feel like? Would it have been worth it to feel [presumably something negative] and start over (assuming you get another chance)? And so on.

Also, Imma echo Dee again- what kind of plan are you working to stay sober and in recovery this time? There are all kinds, from AA (like gottalife and I always refer to), to a strategy built around SR (Dee and others did/do this), SMART, other rational/thought based programs....the key thing they and those of us who use them have in common is that deliberate choice and action is involved to get and stay in recovery.

Best to you - maybe also look around here (if you haven't) for stories that are similar- not different- to yours and see what works for others.

AWald88

I agree with you on the consiquences. I was not clear in my previous post. I should have been clear that they had been days which were clear in the past. I stopped in part because these free days were no longer working and we're quickly leading towards causing major problems.

I have noted that while various emotions or situations may make be feel like having a drink its really only these two days where I crave it. To me it feels like part of me feels I could get away with it then.

On the telling yourself the story of what would happen if you drank. I've found this useful at times to resist. I do wonder if by thinking even of the bad outcomes I'm just finding a way to keep the internal conversation going.

Mummyto2

Hi I've been playing out the scenario of if I drink how much of an idiot I would be, how crap I would feel and omg back to day 1, stay strong you can do this

AWald88

Thanks, you too

Marcutah1

I use distraction. Go talk to someone, read, take a 5 min walk, get off the computer just stop what you are doing and change thought patterns.

BrandNewDay11

Thank you for this! Awesome point.

ChloeRose63

As much as I hate to admit it, the last couple of binge withdrawls were extremely frightening. My liver side was hurting really bad and I thought that I was never going to live through it. When I think of picking up that first drink I realize it could be my last. I want to live so I stop thinking about drinking myself to death. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before it shuts down. Stay healthy.

Dee74

I think it's SMART Recovery that uses some ideas from Cost Benefit Analysis.

( It is)

I think if you're honest and look at the wider picture no one really 'gets away with' anything.

https://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.a...rt-worksheets/

I was the 40 yo old guy partying with school leavers.
Not a good look or good fit - and light years away from who I wanted to be.

D

AWald88

Thanks for that I'll have a look into it. CBA resonates with the economist in me.

I can relate to this at the start of this year I sat down and asked myself if I was the person I wanted to be. This has lead me to change a number of behaviours which I did not fit with the ideal me. (Drinking, lying, swearing).