Snufkin....Snuuuufkin, c'mere.
Marchia in Aeternum
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Snufkin....Snuuuufkin, c'mere.
Hey.
This is your "I won't hurt myself anymore" thread. You come here and vent and rage and do whatever you need.
We will be here. 24/7/365 someone will be here.
This is your "I won't hurt myself anymore" thread. You come here and vent and rage and do whatever you need.
We will be here. 24/7/365 someone will be here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Sounds good Trach...
I wish I wasn't so messed up.
I look at myself and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Scars, scars, just scars everywhere. I don't think I'm gonna undress in front of anyone ever again.
Tomorrow's day 1...
I wish I wasn't so messed up.
I look at myself and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Scars, scars, just scars everywhere. I don't think I'm gonna undress in front of anyone ever again.
Tomorrow's day 1...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Originally Posted by trachemys 
Sweetie, I've got scars all over me and all in me from what I have done.
We don't have to make more scars.
We don't have to make more scars.
I'm not sure if anyone here's watching RuPaul's Drag Race (doubt it haha
), but the title of this thread reminds me of Miss Vanjie and it makes me sooo super happy. Miss Vanjie... Miss Vanjie... Miss.... Vanjie
Anyway....going to sleep now. I know I'm gonna wake up feeling guilty about everything I've done, the ER and the cuts... I just can't believe I keep doing all this things to myself... but hopefully with your help I can get through this.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Originally Posted by Snufkin
I look at myself and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Scars, scars, just scars everywhere. I don't think I'm gonna undress in front of anyone ever again.
Dee often posts this picture of the Japanese art of kintsukuroi. I think it applies beautifully in this case:
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Originally Posted by Gilmer
Snuf, when you find the right man, he’ll love you for you, and he’ll make you feel completely secure.
Dee often posts this picture of the Japanese art of kintsukuroi. I think it applies beautifully in this case:
Dee often posts this picture of the Japanese art of kintsukuroi. I think it applies beautifully in this case:
I like that a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Hi snuf, hope you are doing well today. I know what you mean about scars. I have scars from head to toe. Don't know where most of them came from. My left leg has these long slashes on it. I still have a scar on my right wrist from punching through a window at a treatment center while drunk. Blood spurting to the ceiling. Luckily I was in a hospital. Have scars on my groin area due to spilling a crockpot full of hot food while drunk. Almost lost a few toes stepping into a glass coffee table while drunk. I look like I went through a war. Remember, the goal of alcohol is to kill us, and it is relentless until we do something about it. Wishing you well. John
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Thank you everyone. 
Thanks again Trach for this thread, I was fighting some relentless urges, so I started typing all the nonsense that goes through my head and it helped.
So...
It's day 1 for me today and I'm happy to report I didn't get booze or blades on my way from work, although I couldn't stop thinking about it...
It's still on my mind - I keep looking at the clock, is it gonna be too late to run to the shop, should I go now...
I started reflecting on my drinking 'career'. It's been almost a year since I discovered SR and decided to fight my demons, and I've managed to stay sober for weeks and months, which is longer than ever before in my life... I keep relapsing, but at first, I thought it can't be that bad; I'm able to stay sober for a while, so what's the problem? Uh huh... I realised that my on-and-off drinking has led me to being the most self-destruction version of myself ever. I don't remember things being that bad. Now I feel like I have no life left in me.
It's hard, but I don't want to give up just yet... I want to give myself one more chance, so I'm gonna post here and challenge myself to stay sober and self-harm free for 90 days... If after 3 months everything's as bad as it is now, I can just kill myself. Ha, it's sad how reassuring this actually sounds to me.
I'm going through some major changes in life, so things are gonna be tough for a while... I broke up with my BF of 9 years, I handed in my notice at work today and I'm moving to another city in September. The most painful thing for me is leaving my cat Leon behind... I'm crazy about him and I've always felt my life without him would be empty and meaningless... but my BF is an official 'owner' and he said he will never let me keep him. Not out of spite, but because he loves him too. Maybe it's for the best... I'm uncertain about so many things and I don't even know if I want to stay in Scotland.
Sigh. We will see.
Thanks again Trach for this thread, I was fighting some relentless urges, so I started typing all the nonsense that goes through my head and it helped.
So...
It's day 1 for me today and I'm happy to report I didn't get booze or blades on my way from work, although I couldn't stop thinking about it...
It's still on my mind - I keep looking at the clock, is it gonna be too late to run to the shop, should I go now...
I started reflecting on my drinking 'career'. It's been almost a year since I discovered SR and decided to fight my demons, and I've managed to stay sober for weeks and months, which is longer than ever before in my life... I keep relapsing, but at first, I thought it can't be that bad; I'm able to stay sober for a while, so what's the problem? Uh huh... I realised that my on-and-off drinking has led me to being the most self-destruction version of myself ever. I don't remember things being that bad. Now I feel like I have no life left in me.
It's hard, but I don't want to give up just yet... I want to give myself one more chance, so I'm gonna post here and challenge myself to stay sober and self-harm free for 90 days... If after 3 months everything's as bad as it is now, I can just kill myself. Ha, it's sad how reassuring this actually sounds to me.
I'm going through some major changes in life, so things are gonna be tough for a while... I broke up with my BF of 9 years, I handed in my notice at work today and I'm moving to another city in September. The most painful thing for me is leaving my cat Leon behind... I'm crazy about him and I've always felt my life without him would be empty and meaningless... but my BF is an official 'owner' and he said he will never let me keep him. Not out of spite, but because he loves him too. Maybe it's for the best... I'm uncertain about so many things and I don't even know if I want to stay in Scotland.
Sigh. We will see.
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