derrickdryves

Hi, I'm new here and glad to have found this community. I'm almost nine months sober (alcoholism) after after a 7 day detox program, a 23 day residential stay, and two weeks of outpatient (basically everything my insurance could cover before it ran out). I'm healthy, getting my life back on track, and have a loving supportive wife. I don't feel any urge to drink and have no desire to go back to the seizures and misery I was enduring. The last year before I got treatment was hell. Shaking, sweats, loss of body control, seizures, wrecking relationships, lying, effing up my career...all the classic alcoholic horribleness. I voluntarily got help. Although I'm not technically in AA, I do follow elements of the program. I do not have a sponsor, but I do have lots of support. On the surface, things look good. I am ever-vigilant of risking a relapse, and I know that while nine months is great, it's not a lifetime yet. In the past, I have always been a confident, fun guy...naturally alcohol helped that...but even before I started drinking, I didn't have too much anxiety. Since I got sober, I feel like I've been afflicted with bad social anxiety. I just want to stay at home, work, and hang out with my wife - where it's safe and comfortable. Going outside is a chore and crowds of people I don't know is often panic-inducing. Even family functions make me a little sweaty and awkward. I feel like I've lost the ability to just be 'ok'. I imagine that I'm always offending someone, or saying the wrong thing. I always feel that people can tell that I'm a recovering alcoholic. Maybe it's the PTSD from all the times I had to cover up my shakes, or the panic I would get when I know I didn't have enough booze in me to function properly. I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm severely uncomfortable in public. I can do normal things if I have to, but inside I'm kinda in turmoil and just wishing I was home. Is this normal? Will it go away? I exercise a lot, and I look healthy, that helps a little - but the high goes away and I'm back to being kinda timid and shy. I should probably have a therapist - but price is an issue. My new insurance isn't great. Any thoughts on natural ways to remedy this? Again - I don't think this will lead to a relapse, but it worries me anyway. Thanks.

WGlenn

Do you think the alcohol was masking an anxiety disorder?

derrickdryves

I was thinking it could have been masking an anxiety disorder. But in high school, I was pretty confident and social without alcohol. I was sober all through HS and a lot of college. I was 'normal', no anxiety - just regular school stuff that everyone has. I didn't start having a problem with alcohol until my mid-20's. I think maybe I got so used to having alcohol in my system, I lost the 'normal' way to feel confident. Now I have to re-learn?

Numblady

This is probably just stating the obvious but it kind of seems like you are not at peace with yourself and could possibly still have some work to do to forgive yourself and let go of some of the shame you may be carrying around from the past. I have never worked an AA program and I’m not sure which aspects you follow but I do wonder if some of the in-person support might not be useful to you as you process your new reality.

Way to go on 9 months!

derrickdryves

You may be right. I carry A LOT of shame, self-hatred, and guilt from my using. I almost ruined my marriage, scared the hell out of my parents, and just all around disappointed a lot of people - at least in my mind I did. My friends and family have been supportive and in no way have ever blamed me for my disease. But, that's harder for me to not do. I am looking into affordable therapy. Right now - this group (that I just came upon) might do. I hate this anxiety. It's not me. I thought after nine months I might be firing on all cylinders but I guess I'm not. I can't even take anti-anxiety meds because I've had Xanax before (during my using) and I almost got addicted to that too. I was lucky to get in front of that potential problem. Maybe part of it is that I find social functions boring now? But that also may be because I have trouble talking, or keeping a conversation going. I know I have work to do on myself.

Dee74

Hi and welcome derrick

All I can can do is share my experience,. I was always anxious - that was partly why I drank - to get over social anxiety, so when I quit drinking after 20 years, it was a real ordeal to be in social situations for a while.

What I did was build up what I called sober muscles - over the coiurse of my first year I started with easy things - just me and another, no alcohol around, working eventually to small gatherings and then larger ones....then being around drinkers.

Being social is a skill (who knew?) I find that if you ask someone wlse questions, you've got them on their faviourite subject...then they'll ask you some questions and more often than not a pleasant comnversation ensues.

I'm never going to be Mr Social- and thats ok - I've accepted the true me is not terribly social - but I can go wherever I need to be, make reasonable small talk, and also be around drinkers and not have it bother me.

All this took a while.

I'm not sure there's anything you can take to feel less shy - that s kinda how I got in to trouble in the first place..ya'know?

Just time and exposure really.

best wishes

D

August252015

I relate to so much of your post!! I've highlighted some of the big parts of your story that I get, and might have relevant experience to share hoping it helps to at least know someone else gets the anxiety, recovery, public, etc issues you describe....

You're right- 9 mo is awesome not a life time. I can tell you that everything gets clearer and therefore better- and emotionally, more balanced- the longer we go. I had peaks and valleys I can recall clearly, during my first and second year (I am 28 mo and change sober now). I was very sick, much like you describe, the last year and especially last 6 mo, before I quit drinking. In sobriety, i have been blessed to (gradually) regain my health, strength, stamina...

All - ALL- of my life, I had considered myself, and so did everyone else, a complete extrovert. From childhood on I was one who could "talk to a wall," make friends wherever I went, was captain of the cheerleading in high school, social chair of my sorority in college, on and on.

Only in sobriety have I been able to see that while I was indeed the belle of the ball - I also had anxiety rooted deeply in my life. It expanded when my mom started drinking when I was 11 and kept going through at least my college years (I know of at least one relapse she had after that). Have you heard the term ambivert? It describes the kind of person who is indeed easily "on" - but who also needs a refractory period to recharge, and for me, that means what you said- spending time at home, recharging with more sleep, doing things that really make me comfortable and nothing that I feel pressured to do.

I have found, and seen in others, that discovering who we are and what we like to do etc, is something that needs to happen in recovery. Now I find that I gravitate towards 1-on-1 engagement and smaller groups, and don't stay long at bigger events.

Having a supportive partner is great- it's also going to be a process of both of you learning a new dynamic together.

Becoming comfortable in my own skin has taken a while and I imagine it will continue to involve as my life goes on.

There are times I just have to decline outside or emotional stimuli- and that's ok.

Take care of yourself - keep up the good work!

djlook

Are you reluctant to try AA? I can identify with the shame, guilt, remorse, anxiety, the feelings of not belonging, feeling isolated, not being a part of. I have been sober 20 years, 10 months. I attended meetings, got a sponsor, worked the steps. The steps relieved me of all of that. I can't explain how it works. I just know that when I sat down face to face with another alcoholic and talked about my fears, shame, guilt, etc., I was able to look the world in the eyes again. The program saved my life - that's just me. I don't think I would have been able to stay sober if I had to live with those feelings on a daily basis. They would have worn me down and I would eventually have drank over them.

BDTL

He speaks the truth^^^^^^^. Try AA and see if you can gain some skills to reduce your anxiety. It's working for me and I actually look forward to the day when I can be a sponsor.

djlook

I hope I'm not cross-talking here to BDTL - There's nothing that will ensure your sobriety more than helping another alcoholic. Way to go sports fan.

andyh

your situation sounds very familiar - I have definitely been in the same boat as you. I had multiple years of sobriety in the past, but never addressed my underlying anxiety & I believe this contributed to my multi-year relapse.

I would suggest you did what I did when I got sober this time & talk to your Doctor. mine referred me for Cognitive therapy (CBT) & a short course of six sessions made a major impact on my thinking & view of the world, with a consequent considerable reduction in my anxiety. there is also non-addictive anxiety medication available, if your doctor feels it would be beneficial.

I think the effect of anxiety is poorly understood by many. most people are anxious in some circumstances but are mostly able to shrug this off. constant, gnawing anxiety is a different beast & can be debilitating, so I hope you'll look into getting yourself some help.

Wastinglife

I had bad social anxiety as a kid/teen. Then I found alcohol and I was able to socialize no problem. This drove my drinking initially but it wasn't a problem until my late 20's when I started to drink alone on a daily basis.

Currently, when I am sober, I feel the social anxiety I had as a kid when I go to AA. I get anxious at the larger meetings. Surrounded by such a large group of strangers is tough for me sometimes. Although, early sobriety is generally a time of heightened anxiety for me. AA is full of enthusiastic, sober people who smile and shake your hand. Tough to handle when I have a social anxiety flare up