bunnezjp

My mom thinks I'm drinking or falling back towards drinking.

I've been feeling distant lately, which really isn't strange for me, especially during summertime. I'm busy at work, starting to focus on trg for my next towerrunning season, and generally in a pissy mood because I just really don't like summer. Never have in a long time, so when I have time to myself away from work and working out I tend to shell up in my home and go into a netflix coma, especially on super hot muggy days.

I guess what tipped her was my niece's baptism this past Sunday. There was a mass, I took communion and she got scared bc I took the wine, not even drank it, just dipped the communion wafer into the cup. I didn't think anything of it before or after. I left the baptism party early admittedly because there were people there I can't stand, and I have the luxury of seeing my nieces anytime due to proximity. So I made my excuse, thanked everyone, left and went 30miles on my bike.

My mom tells me she's having dreams of me using and seems genuinely worried. Not sure how to reassure her bc frankly I sound like I did in the past when I was actually lying about it, which I'm not this time. I get really crabby when she keeps asking and frankly I'm alittle pissed that she would even think I'd pick up. It's been 4 years, I' ve recovered (mostly) from the physical and mental trauma, I've fixed my life the best I can, I've earned a national and international rankings in my sport of choice. I don't know what else to say to her.

And no, I didn't reset my sobriety clock after the church wine. It's been 4 years 1 month since my last drink.

~Bunnez

Anna

Gosh, I wouldn't like it at all if people were questioning me about my sobriety after 4 years. I think, initially, it is our job to reassure our loved ones that we are staying on track. But, after 4 years, I think this is something your mother will have to figure out on her own.

bunnezjp

Yeah, and admittedly she went through hell when I was at my worst. She probably is my best friend, no doubt closest family member. There really isn't much I can say to her accept be honest. She knows I have thoughts all the time of drinking, and to me it would be very strange if I never, ever thought about it. I mean, it was a huge part of my life, like an ex. Of course I have thoughts, but she needs to trust that I will never act on them. Unless the world is about to face an extinction level event

~Bunnez

MissPerfumado

I'm with Anna. 4 years is a long time! She should know you've got this.

That said, she sounds a bit like my mum who can be a little superstitious and over-protective (she forgets I'm 45 years old). if your relationship with her is otherwise good, I'd just do an eye-roll, say 'oh, that's mum', and try to be glad she cares.

bunnezjp

I'm glad she cares but worrying is really not good for her health, especially when it comes to GI issues. Sometimes I think she should have a drink herself and chill out

~Bunnez

AnvilheadII

do you live with her? can you try to work a little space in between you?

Nonsensical

So....you're worried about your mother's worrying?

Seems like it runs in the family!

Congrats of 4 years and a month! That's awesome!!

thomas11

Took a long time for my wife and family to finally believe that I had not been drinking. We've drained all of our trust when drinking.

D122y

Bunn,

I agree that folks think we sneek it.

I was pretty sneeky. But, as long as they don't keep harping on it, I can forgive and move forward.

That is a big thing my sobriety has given me. I am obsessing less and less these days.

It is so liberating. Add the strength, confidence, and freedom of choice I now have to the equation and it is a clear victory.

My Dad sometimes reminds me about some character defect he thinks I have. He has just a,small idea of what getting clean means.

He tried to quit a while back, but is on anti d.s as well. The suffering of life for me was hell on earth.

Not anymore. Now it is simply life and I am clean as a whistle.

I still love my family, but since I got clean, things have changed. It is almost like I don't fit in anymore.

Oh well, I have never really been bothered to much by it. I just do me.

Thanks.

Bonnefond87

I have a friend who tastes my drink when she visits. She has has some issues herself and I think she finds it impossible to believe. Is that annoying? Just shrugging it off at the moment. After 4 years I might ask her to stop

August252015

4 years is a long time- but (here at 28 mo and change) I know that I put my parents beyond hell and back with a lot more years of drinking than I have yet in sobriety. For example - It was upsetting to me that after going through our first round of sober Tgvg-Christmas holidays, it was the SECOND year that they both got riled up and brought up things I had done in family gatherings in the past.

I had to learn that it's their issue. All I can do is show consistency in my recovery, and never think I've "got it forever," and keep my own counsel, if you will. Rebuilding boundaries with them- ones that we should have since I am well beyond the age of consent (ha) but that got blurred if not destroyed when I was drinking.

4 years is amazing. Keep going living your best life!

wiscsober

some shift in behavior was observed

MyLittleHorsie

Maybe your mom is working through things on her own. Did she do any formal recovery program or therapy? Just like people in our lives cannot force us to get help, we cannot force them to get help. Sometimes the righting of wrongs or apologies of AA or just common sense, just are not enough and they are not really for the other person anyways. They have a right to work through everything at their own pace. Perhaps she didn't allow herself the luxury of healing until now.
As parents we love our children more than ourselves, every single thing you experience, we experience. Our worries for you are far greater than any other worry. Maybe she is just working through her own healing. She can be scared, she can be mad, she might even lash out. She is your mom and loves you more than life and it sounds like she is just trying to heal. Give her a hug and some reassurance, invite her over for a Netflix day, leave flour, milk and eggs on the counter, maybe she will bake a cake. Works for my kids when they "accidentally leave all the ingredients for their favourite pound cake on the counter lol.

FlawedNFntastic

You know how we have the drinking dreams from time to time? I put my family through so much they have dreams that I'm drinking too. And mom is sometimes around when people tell me the dismissive things like, "Well, you must not have had much of a drinking problem if you stopped for this long," or, "It's a girl's night out, one won't hurt." She panics. She explains how dangerous those comments are, how she hopes I know I can't drink, how scared that makes her.

I know she (a lifelong non-drinker) has no idea what the insidious AV tells me all day long every day and that the comments from friends are literally nothing.

I put my family through the wringer. In every way possible aside from just dying. I'm very grateful that they are still here and talking to me and that they love me. I will always feel guilty inside about what I've done, but I can't change the past.

I admit your mom and your friend accusing you and tasting your drink - that's really just painful when you have accomplished so much. I hope that the trust between you can be rebuilt fully - I know it can with effort and care.

Come on here and vent more often! I hadn't realized how I was dealing with the same kind of thing - lots of internal eye-rolling every time someone tells me I must not have had much of a drinking problem.

Congrats on your incredible four years.