Ernurse

My significant other hit his 30 days sober yesterday. He is distant and dismissive and emotional distant. I was happy he quit but I am suffering from severe depression since before he quit. He finally quit after telling me one night when he was drunk and we were in bed talking that when a woman tells him she loves him his gut reaction is to punch her in the face. He is and has never been violent or threatening. I told him when he was sober and he was absolutely mortified and quit shortly after. Now, we are actually having sex again ( after over a year dry spell from his lack of interest.) Which is wonderful. But, he is so distant and easily annoyed with me I don't know what to do.

DontRemember

30days is great and all,but in the grand scheme of things 30days is nothing. His head/emotions will be all over the place for a while. Also...sometimes relationships do not survive sobriety,because the drinker/drugger aren't their true selves when in the grip of addiction. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and your happiness.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

If you are depressed, I wonder if you have talked to your doctor about the problem? It might be something to think about. Also, you could consider AlAnon in your city as a support for you.

Your boyfriend may go through mood-swings during early recovery, but the important thing is for you to take care of yourself at this time.

Ernurse

Well. He has definitely hit the mood swings. I want to be supportive but I don't want to be his outlet for his anger. He seems to resent me. I am trying to get into counseling because it is really wearing on me. I just mainly want to know that this behavior is what happens when people stop drinking. I am planning to go to Al-Anon meetings

hellrzr

Did he just stop drinking or is he following a program of recovery like AA? If he is truly and Alcoholic and just stopped drinking than he just removed his way of dealing with life and he will just get worse and worse until he drinks again. AA will show him how to live life on life's terms. There is a whole lot more to dealing with Alcoholism than just not drinking.

It would be great for you to attend Al-Anon. You will learn a lot there and learn how to deal with things better.

Ernurse

He goes to an NA group. He likes it better and feels it is more geared to dealing with addiction itself rather than alcohol. He has been successful in the past and was sober for 5 years. We have a grandbaby on the way in August, the parents live with us. He has much to look forward to. I am just having a difficult time not taking this personally. And that is my stuff I guess. I will be attending Al-Anon as well as some counseling to deal with my issues. This behavior is all new to me and when we met he had been sober for quite a while....and I did not see any of this behavior. We broke up and he eventually started drinking again. I had no idea the depth of his disease.

least

A month is good sober time but still very early in recovery. Yes to counseling and AlAnon. You need all the support you can get.

hellrzr

If his problem is Alcoholism than I think he would have more success at AA than NA. I know they are similar but for the program to work you really need to relate to others. I can relate to someone who drinks to forget life but I can't relate to someone who buys Heroin in an alley and shoots it up in their arm. I also can't relate to someone who has a gambling problem. So if I went to NA or GA I would have no one there to relate to and my success at the program would be very minimal. For me, to follow the advice of a sponsor it was critical that I believed they knew what I was going through and had been through it themselves and that it had worked for them.

That said if he had 5 years before than he found something that worked at some point. If he can't find that success again I hope he gets back into AA and works the steps with a sponsor. Hopefully his past experience and success will give him some inspiration to get back on the path and follow it again!

Ernurse

Thank you to everyone who replied.

Dustitoffman

Lots of people get crabby short or even angry I know I did.
With time this should settle down I know I am a lot better than I first was.

gettingsmarter

Do you drink?

teatreeoil007

Yikes, you've got a lot on your plate right now. The general advice for loved ones of addicts is to take care of yourSELF, regardless of what he is doing or how he is acting toward you. Sometimes, you just can't be around them too much in the early days...their brain is sort of scrambled and trying to right itself. So, being a nurse, if you think of this in terms of recovering from a brain injury...it might help you deal with it a little better. They are going to be irritable....I know that is not easy to live with.

Also, you said you are feeling depressed...and I would urge you to get help for your depression without delay as it can get even worse....hope this help. I feel for ER nurses and I think they have a very tough job to do without HAZARD PAY!!!!!!

Ernurse

I do socially. Maybe once every 1 to 2 months. And only a drink or two. Except when we are on vacation, I tend to drink more at those times.