Back to day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 51
Back to day 1
Hi All,
I have been struggling more than ever lately. I feel as if I exhausted all my chances. I'm giving myself one more shot, basically booked a session with a psychiatrist (who specializes in addiction).. but although on the surface I might seem fine - I have a decent job, not too old - I'm 30 - probably come across as intelligent - I feel like I am dying inside.
I turned my back on AA lately because it got to the point where I felt totally helpless.. like all the things people can get out of life - healthy relationships, happiness, achievement - is not for me cause of that label 'alcoholic'. When I do manage to sober up, things start falling into place and I feel like a different person.
Then that dreaded relapse and subsequent black out drinking catches up each time. After the last time this happened, I feel like I do not have a chance left. The guilt and shame is also a factor and getting worse.
10 months ago my wife left me basically. It wasnt a happy marriage to be honest, mostly due to my drinking we kind of got married for the wrong reasons.. but I feel as if I ruined her life to some extent, like I failed 'yet again' and haunted by the past... so living alone is proving difficult.. and that feeling of never finding love again is there also.
I guess I always believed my alcoholism will be a thing of my 20s.. midi-life crisis maybe? Haha
Anyway, just feel like I desperately need to get through this day but I am petrified of what is to come... hope you are all doing well.
I have been struggling more than ever lately. I feel as if I exhausted all my chances. I'm giving myself one more shot, basically booked a session with a psychiatrist (who specializes in addiction).. but although on the surface I might seem fine - I have a decent job, not too old - I'm 30 - probably come across as intelligent - I feel like I am dying inside.
I turned my back on AA lately because it got to the point where I felt totally helpless.. like all the things people can get out of life - healthy relationships, happiness, achievement - is not for me cause of that label 'alcoholic'. When I do manage to sober up, things start falling into place and I feel like a different person.
Then that dreaded relapse and subsequent black out drinking catches up each time. After the last time this happened, I feel like I do not have a chance left. The guilt and shame is also a factor and getting worse.
10 months ago my wife left me basically. It wasnt a happy marriage to be honest, mostly due to my drinking we kind of got married for the wrong reasons.. but I feel as if I ruined her life to some extent, like I failed 'yet again' and haunted by the past... so living alone is proving difficult.. and that feeling of never finding love again is there also.
I guess I always believed my alcoholism will be a thing of my 20s.. midi-life crisis maybe? Haha
Anyway, just feel like I desperately need to get through this day but I am petrified of what is to come... hope you are all doing well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
I think leaving AA cos you feel like the label alcoholic makes you helpless is one of those surprisingly sophisticated arguments the AV can make.
The fact is, for an alcoholic, it's drinking that makes up helpless and unable to move, not the things we do to try and stay sober?
D
The fact is, for an alcoholic, it's drinking that makes up helpless and unable to move, not the things we do to try and stay sober?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
AA is the one place I think I would plant myself if I did have a relapse.
You are always welcome back there - and you can have all the things you want, but being sober is the key to that lock.
Go back. Look for ways people got sober and stayed that way. Talk to people before and after meetings. Go to coffees and meals with them. It will help.
You are always welcome back there - and you can have all the things you want, but being sober is the key to that lock.
Go back. Look for ways people got sober and stayed that way. Talk to people before and after meetings. Go to coffees and meals with them. It will help.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome back. I have been struggling too but am taking it one day at a time. I find it harder when I assess what I've done, what I've not achieved, what I've failed at and how I might fail in the future. all this negative thinking and feeling surrounds me and I think I might as well just drink.
So this time I am just focusing on today. I will not drink today and do all I can to make today a good day. eat right, exercise. I always thought a day at a time was a bit of a cliche but it's all we can really do. Wishing you all the best.
So this time I am just focusing on today. I will not drink today and do all I can to make today a good day. eat right, exercise. I always thought a day at a time was a bit of a cliche but it's all we can really do. Wishing you all the best.
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