StarfishBlue

This is my first time posting to this forum, however I am not 'new' to this forum. I have been reading all of your posts for a number of years, and they have been incredibly helpful to me. My sister's story is no different than the many others I have read here. She's been slowly drinking herself to death over the past 6 years or so, with now being the worst it's ever been. I'll spare everyone the details, since they are identical to so many others - many ER visits, rehab stints, psychiatric hospital stays, ruined relationships, accidents, injuries, legal issues, etc. Each incident seems like a new 'bottom' has been reached, but yet it is not the bottom. None of it seems to make a difference. She has moments of clarity where she seems to realize the pain she's inflicting on others, and will say she wants to get help again, and then it either does not materialize or she'll get help for a few days and then check herself out and the whole cycle starts again. She continues to be in denial, blaming everyone else except herself. Basically the same stories I've been reading for years on these boards, which make me sad of course...

I live thousands of miles away from my sister, which has it made it a little easier to detach myself from her problems over the years, but of course she is still my sister after all, and it's so frustrating and sad to see her do this to herself and her family. I do try to remind myself every day that I did not cause this nor I can I control it.

I can only pray she somehow chooses to live and becomes willing to do whatever it takes to get sober, rather than die, which seems to be the only outcome at this point based on her current state.

Thanks for listening...

Mummyto2

Sorry your going through this, as hard as it is there is nothing anyone can do, your sister has to want to stop for herself, I wish you both well

StarfishBlue

Thank you... to complicate things further, my sister lives in another country. The hardest part is seeing the stress it causes on my Dad (who lives near me and is therefore also thousands of miles from my sister). My Dad is caregiver for my Mom who has advanced Alzheimer's. My sister has called him 3x in the last week while drunk, and making suicidal comments on the phone - the most recent being just this morning. This is very distressing to him of course, and the absolute last thing he needs. While I'm sad that my sister is suffering like this, I am incredibly angry with her at the same time for doing this to him! Her sober self would never do this. Her sober self is an incredible person. That's the sister I wish I could have back....

Bernadette

Her sober self would never do this. Her sober self is an incredible person. That's the sister I wish I could have back....

I know, I know, it is just heart-wrencing. My younger A brother whom I live the farthest away from is also just on a downward spiral....and just like you I know everyone here doesn't need details, we've seen it all. Do you go to AlAnon at all? Is that something your Dad might also be open to?

There's a great saying in AlAnon: I walk into a room of total strangers and reminisce!

I have found over the 30 years of dealing with my AF and 3 A bros alcoholism that a combo of AlAnon, reading books like Codependent No More, and a zillion others, one on one counseling, and this website ( SR) have helped me find really good tools and cope better. Nothing makes the sadness or fear go completely away, and accepting that my bros may die from this disease was very very painful.

(((((hugs)))))
B.

VigilanceNow

So sorry you’re goinf through this. Alcoholism truly is a family disease, as much as we (alcoholics) want to think that it’s our problem and no one else’s. There is a lot to understand about addiction and the power it has over people, so Alanon is a really good idea.

As a recovering alcoholic myself who has put my family through very similar situations, I can attest that recovery doesn’t come until the person is ready to do it for themselves. Even when drinking could’ve landed me in jail, I didn’t stop until I had had enough of being sick, tired, and ashamed.

Keep posting here and reading up on people’s experience - it definitely helps!

PuzzledHeart

If your sister is making suicidal comments, you could always call the police to conduct a wellness check. I had to do something similar for my mom - she was mortified, but it also sent her a very pointed message that I was going to take her seriously. She's never threatened suicide since.

I'm here because of my sister. My dad is the primary caretaker of my mom, who has cancer, and for my sister's daughters. I live an hour away and try to help out when I can. When he had surgery, my sister said she couldn't help him because she had to perform with her band. I ended up taking a week off work and spent many an hour convincing him that he couldn't drive and pick up the girls from school while he was on painkillers.

At least you have hope. I don't think my sister is ever going to get to that stage. I strongly suspect that she has borderline personality disorder.


My sister used to be OK. She used to have it together. And then it just fell all apart. I mourn that person every day. It's been so many years now I'm beginning to think that her sober, sane self was a facade and the person I see now is her true self.

It's like my sister is in a pit and there's a ladder RIGHT there, but she wants everybody to go into the muck with her and push her out instead. People try to reach out to her, but she refuses to hold on.

As VigilanceNow said, keep reading and posting. It helps loads. It helps me spot manipulation a mile away, and the act of writing a post helps me make connections that I wouldn't have necessarily seen if I wasn't making a concerted effort to express myself.

I'm sorry that you're here, but this is a great crew.

StarfishBlue

Thank you all for your responses so far... these are all very helpful. It also helps just knowing that others are in similar situations. Like PuzzledHeart said above, my sister used to be totally ok... and have it all together! She had a great life going for herself overseas, has a family of her own, etc. I don't know what happened 6 years ago to turn her into a raging alcoholic - she was never a big drinker prior to that. She was the one guiding me through my teenage years many years ago, ensuring that I didn't make bad decisions back then. Makes no sense of course, but then again, neither does alcoholism.

I'm sorry for what brings the rest of you to this forum as well. I will hope and pray for the best for all of your situations.