Counting days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 72
Counting days
Hello.
Looking for perspective on this. My RABF has been going to AA since mid to late February. He claims he has also been sober since then. He only identified a sponsor in the last few weeks and, up till now, said he wasn’t “counting days”. Today he told me that he has 59 days which is over 2 months short of when he identified that he stopped drinking. He says that’s when he started working with his sponsor. I find this baffling. Why would he choose to basically cut off 9 weeks from his sober time? Thanks so much for your help
2kind....
Looking for perspective on this. My RABF has been going to AA since mid to late February. He claims he has also been sober since then. He only identified a sponsor in the last few weeks and, up till now, said he wasn’t “counting days”. Today he told me that he has 59 days which is over 2 months short of when he identified that he stopped drinking. He says that’s when he started working with his sponsor. I find this baffling. Why would he choose to basically cut off 9 weeks from his sober time? Thanks so much for your help
2kind....
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
This is not something I have heard of so I can only guess. Maybe for one reason or another he doesn't regard himslef as having been truly sober initially, or perhaps he views starting the work as the start of his recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'd say 1.) Don't sweat the small stuff. He's sober today?! and 2.) Stay on your side of the road, here. It's his journey and what he considers "sober" may have changed. Not really worth trying to dissect or to argue about.
Have you considered going to Al Anon meetings for yourself? Those meetings are for the friends and/or family - those affected by someone elses' alcohol and drug use. It would help you to put this in a more comfortable perspective.
Have you considered going to Al Anon meetings for yourself? Those meetings are for the friends and/or family - those affected by someone elses' alcohol and drug use. It would help you to put this in a more comfortable perspective.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I'd say 1.) Don't sweat the small stuff. He's sober today?! and 2.) Stay on your side of the road, here. It's his journey and what he considers "sober" may have changed. Not really worth trying to dissect or to argue about.
Then he shares about the party he went to recently where he found himself with a beer bottle in hand. Before he knew it he took a couple of gulps. He realized what had just happened and quickly put down the bottle.
My first thought was wait a minute. You picked up the beer and you took a couple of gulps. You weren't under a spell.
But if he honestly doesn't consider what happened a slip. Well, I'm not going to argue the point. I congratulated him on the two years and that was that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
I say Kudos to this man, he’s been attending meetings since February, recently found a sponsor and is working the steps, This is huge!. From my experience this is when the miracle started to happen with me.
I like the positive reenforcement route, if I had a family member counting my days early on I would have snapped. Wishing you the best.
I like the positive reenforcement route, if I had a family member counting my days early on I would have snapped. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,634
He is either avoiding saying outright to you that he drank 59 days ago (likely) or he has decided to start counting from when he found a sponsor (seems unlikely).
Yes, it's important, not because of the days but because if he is lying by omission, that's certainly worth a discussion.
Yes, it's important, not because of the days but because if he is lying by omission, that's certainly worth a discussion.
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