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Old 06-17-2018, 05:59 PM
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Exclamation This is Newcomers Forum

It's meant to be a welcome, safe, nurturing place.

I'm aghast and dismayed by the way some of us are speaking to others lately.

I'm also not happy I have to recycle this message again.

I remember what it was like for me when I first came here - I was scared, I was skittish, and I was downplaying my problems like mad and acting ultra-cool.

I was terrified and I would have taken any chance to say screw SR and screw recovery.

I'm really glad the people who responded to me realised all that and didn't smack me into next week.

Straight talking is great but you can get some empathy and compassion in there too.

We are meant to be on the same team.

if we drive people away, are we really helping?

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Old 06-17-2018, 06:24 PM
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Sorry you need to post this Dee. SR was a very safe and welcoming place for me when I first joined, and it has continued to be. I hope we can all support everyone who is brave enough to log on looking for help.
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Old 06-17-2018, 06:28 PM
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Thank you for posting this, Dee.

I wasn't newly sober when I arrived here, but I was very new at reaching out for help and very nervous about what I would encounter. I was so very lucky to have found some welcoming and generous people in those early weeks. If not for them, I never would have stayed.

As Dee said, 'If we drive people away, are we really helping?'
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Old 06-17-2018, 08:24 PM
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Thanks for your thoughts Delilah and Anna

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Old 06-17-2018, 09:43 PM
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Thank you Dee, I also am sorry you had to post this, I am more disappointed that I have to agree with you regarding some replies. I know the world isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but lets build each other up, we all do a good enough job tearing ourselves down.

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Old 06-17-2018, 09:48 PM
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thanks Badgerden

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Old 06-17-2018, 11:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I was scared, I was skittish, and I was downplaying my problems like mad and acting ultra-cool.

I was terrified and I would have taken any chance to say screw SR and screw recovery.

I'm really glad the people who responded to me realised all that and didn't smack me into next week.
Exactly this.

Thank you, Dee.
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Old 06-17-2018, 11:47 PM
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Thanks MB

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Old 06-18-2018, 12:36 AM
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respect, Dee
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Old 06-18-2018, 12:49 AM
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Thanks PJ
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Old 06-18-2018, 04:59 AM
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Thank you Dee

Alcoholism and drug addiction are complex problems, and people need encouragement and alternatives to AA. SR provides a wonderful starting point for those seeking help but not knowing how to proceed. I am in awe of how many people offer support here. But it is important to remember to have respect and be kind to others. I have fallen down many times. SR has helped me back up and I will always be grateful.
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:01 AM
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Thanks Jim

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Old 06-18-2018, 05:06 AM
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Well said. Thanks Dee.
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:17 AM
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Thanks Tony
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:34 AM
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Dee - I remember how fragile and broken I was when I first landed here. I hadn't quit yet, but knew death awaited me if I didn't. Harsh, judgmental words after my first few posts would have sent me running. I'll never forget your early responses to me. It's no exaggeration to say they helped save my life. 'Tough love' has it's place - and even though I'm not the type to ever use it, I do think it's necessary at times. Just not in response to a newcomer's first few posts! (Or to a returning person's new attempt at getting it right this time.) Sarcasm, belittling, judging - very hurtful when we're just trying to reach out for some empathy & understanding.

As always, thank you Dee for your unwavering support and concern for us.
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:35 AM
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Thanks Hev. Have a good day everyone.
Bed time here

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Old 06-18-2018, 06:11 AM
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Dee thank you for yet again the important reminder.
I personally feel very passionate about nurturing our newcomers and I know many others do too. Of course with sobriety the memories fade of how broken and vulnerable we were but I don't think I'll ever forget the morning SR came up on a Google search and I logged in for the first time. I was utterly broken and felt like I had nowhere else left to turn. Even then I still went back out there several times and managed to come back. That was my journey.
I still class myself as a newcomer (11 months sober) and take very seriously my responsibility to others who may read my posts. What has worked for me may not work for others and I can only support, care and advise from my own experience.
:
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Old 06-18-2018, 07:37 AM
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Thank you, Dee!

I had been sober for a while when I landed here but I knew nothing about the difference between sobriety and recovery.

The warmth and acceptance which I found here was a powerful catalyst in my recovery.

Thank you, SR.
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Old 06-18-2018, 02:16 PM
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Thank you for the reminder, Dee. By the time we reach this surrender place in our journey we're generally very battered, bruised, crushed to the pavement and need gentleness and understanding. There's certainly a time and a place for tough love but first should come unconditional love. Thanks for being here for us.
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Old 06-18-2018, 03:57 PM
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Thanks to everyone so far who took the time out to share on this. I'm going to keep bumping it so everyone has a chance to read it

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