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Heavy drinkers, but not alcoholics?

Old 06-15-2018, 09:11 AM
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Heavy drinkers, but not alcoholics?

I recently got sober. I have some friends who are social, or rare drinkers, friends who are full-blown alcoholics, and friends in the middle. It's these "middle" ones that confuse me.

My friend drinks alcohol after work most days. Once she has a drink, she can't stop, but will usually end up going to bed after 6-7 drinks, more or less. She has tried to control her drinking and hasn't been successful .However, her life is not unmanageable.

She has a good job. She has a fiance who loves her and drinks the same way. She is financially stable and does not seem to have a lot of problems in her life.

So, is this friend an alcoholic, or a heavy drinker? She has called herself an alcoholic, often jokingly. Should this friend be encouraged to seek out a life of sobriety? or does it not matter? Are these people just lucky- they can successfully teeter on that edge for their whole lives?
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Old 06-15-2018, 09:16 AM
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Congratulations on getting sober!

As for your friend, it is what it is. And it may not make a difference what you call it.

People are different.

She's certainly at risk for damaging her health, and at risk for becoming dependent on alcohol if she's not already. She's also at risk for her use escalating over time, to the point where hangovers interfere with her work and she starts suffering other consequences. I don't know that you need to label it any further than that.
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Old 06-15-2018, 09:41 AM
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who knows what she is or where it will lead. congratulations on getting yourself sober and I hope you stick with it. I think it's smart to quit whether your drinking is a probem or you drink alcoholically. not being able to stop once you start is obviously not a good sign.
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Old 06-15-2018, 09:43 AM
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I don't think you get to decide for them, even if you're curious. Only they know if they have a drinking problem. And even then, only they can help themselves if and when they decide to stop
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Old 06-15-2018, 09:45 AM
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Someone who drinks every day and can’t control it is an alcoholic. That’s clearly substance abuse, and I was doing the same thing! Job and financial status do not matter either. There are doctors, lawyers, cops, nurses, and billionaires who are alcoholics. There is a common misconception that the lives of alcoholics are completely unmanageable. Certainly, people can lose their jobs, homes, family, and pile up the health bills. But, it doesn’t take any of the above factors for someone to be an alcoholic. I managed to keep a great job, maintain a 3.8 GPA in college, and paid all my bills on time. Yet, I was drinking everyday, couldn’t stop, and it began to impact my health and personal life.

Your friend certainly sounds like she may need some support, encouragement, and help. But, this will have to be up to her. She has to come to the conclusion that she has a problem, and wants to do something about it. The fact that she jokes about being an alcoholic, clearly portrays that she is thinking exactly that.

I hope she can reflect on her behavior and take a step toward sobriety.

Thanks for the post.
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Old 06-15-2018, 10:04 AM
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Congratulations on staying sober. Hopefully your friend will give sobriety a try before it causes irreversible damage in her life. Your label / diagnosis of her behavior will not be a factor in that. Does she know you have quit? Feel free to share the benefits you have discovered and when she calls herself an alcoholic to challenge her on that. For example, "If you really think you might have a problem, there is nothing like taking a 30 day break to think about it. Think of it as a cleanse. If you want to go to a meeting, I would be happy for the company."
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Old 06-15-2018, 10:11 AM
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i didnt drink everyday
i didnt get drunk every time i drank
my last drink was 1 beer and then 4 hours later 1/2 of another
the old timers spilled more than i drank

and i am an alcoholic


my unmanageable life

i drank only and always by myself with the drapes closed to shut off from F me F you F the world and i dont want to be here

never a fun haver partier bar drinker

selfish self- centered fear

this is why listening for the similarities and not the differences was the most important thing i heard when i was new

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Old 06-15-2018, 10:15 AM
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Normal drinkers can stop after the first drink, alcoholics can not.
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Old 06-15-2018, 10:16 AM
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Both alcoholism and recovery are progressive. Today I focus on the latter and not the former. I can’t / won’t declare anyone other than myself to be an alcoholic. The rest is fodder.

Glad you’re here with us and sober. Makes you a winner today
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Old 06-15-2018, 10:20 AM
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Way to be sober, that is something to focus on!
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Old 06-15-2018, 10:25 AM
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I would consider her an alcoholic. She cannot stop once she starts. That's classic alcoholic drinking. There are always consequences to drinking that heavily, but she may minimize them to others. What's the recommended alcohol intake for a woman. One glass of wine per day maximum? This may just be a stage, but I sort of doubt it.
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Old 06-15-2018, 11:38 AM
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It is up to her to decide if she is an alcoholic or not.

I was similar to tour friend and my quit has been quite easy. I never craved alcohol. Cigarettes and I battle constantly, I can get 9 months or more and be back to a pack a day in one day. Alcohol - whatever I don't drink. I have absolutely no interest anymore. Am I an alcoholic or former heavy drinker? It doesn't really matter, I don't drink anymore. I have dealt with the demons I tried to escape with booze, I continue to work on improvement. The answer isn't in a label or self diagnosis. She probably knows she might have a problem. She will seek help when she seeks it.
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Old 06-15-2018, 11:40 AM
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I was a heavy drinker long before I became an insatiable alcoholic. I knew I was already an alcoholic none the less. The thought of going a day without alcohol is something I'd simply shake my head no at and working in bars most of my life made it really easy to drink too much.
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Old 06-15-2018, 12:50 PM
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High-functioning alcoholism is a thing. It doesn't matter, though. Like the others said, unless she comes to terms that it's a problem, she will probably always consider herself just a "heavy drinker". I used that term to describe myself for far too long before I came to terms with what I am. However, if someone had told me I was an alcoholic (and they did) I would have been very angry with them, and possibly distanced myself from them.
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Old 06-15-2018, 08:31 PM
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My friend drinks alcohol after work most days. Once she has a drink, she can't stop, but will usually end up going to bed after 6-7 drinks, more or less. She has tried to control her drinking and hasn't been successful .However, her life is not unmanageable.

Yet.

However, the odds are that it will become unmanageable at some point. Alcoholism is progressive. For years I drank several drinks at night after a hard days work to "relax" much like your friend. I was very successful in my career and nobody, not even my wife, knew the extent of my drinking.

But physically, my body was keeping score and after a few decades of this behavior, physically I was starting to get in trouble. The hangovers and shakes in the morning started to get progressively worse. But being the bright guy that I am, I figured out a solution. By washing down my Egg McMuffin with a couple of beers I could solve the shaking problem. But that put me another step closer to drinking around the clock.

I came pretty close to losing a bunch of stuff I cared about in life, before I was finally able to get sober. I am an alcoholic and I recognize myself in the behaviors you have used to describe your friend.
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Old 06-15-2018, 09:30 PM
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My best friend is just like your friend. And, until very recently, I was too. I teetered for a really long time. I have a good job, I have a house, I pay my bills, on the outside I have it totally together. So does she. So i thought blacking out at least every other weekend with my “best friend” was just partying. Two successful women enjoying Saturday “brunch” and having fun because we’ve had a long week. I can’t speak for her, but i knew my problem carried way beyond that, and I’ve since seen the total difference between a fun weekend and being completely out of control. Which i was. Your friend may be in denial, but is the only one who can make that call for themselves. I was in denial for years, and made the same jokes and laughed it off and chalked it up to just having a good time. But i finally woke up to it just very recently, told my friend i can’t do our day drinking brunch thing this weekend, and who i thought was just my ‘drinking buddy’ came through to be so incredibly supportive of me! That being said, you have to take care of yourself first and foremost
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Old 06-15-2018, 11:48 PM
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Anyone who drinks excessively has a problem. I don't think you can be a heavy drinker and not have some form of alcoholism. Many people on the outside were not aware I had a drinking problem, but I did. This could be true for your friend, or anyone else.
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Old 06-16-2018, 03:36 AM
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For years and years, a decade or more, I was like that. I drank a bottle of wine every night. Just one. I kinda knew that was more than most people drank but I also didn't feel it was excessive. I went to work, I paid my mortgage and my bills, I didn't have hangovers really. Then I would stop for a glass of wine at the pub on the way home. Just one. Occasionally two but mostly just one. I'd have my usual bottle at home and not notice that with two at the pub a bottle at home, well that's a bottle and a half. Somewhere along the line I started needing to make sure there was two bottles at home for the night and I'd leave half a one for later. Later being 3am when I woke with terrible insomnia and couldn't get back to sleep. Ah, that's what that the rest of the second bottle is for. Up at 7am, working still, still no real hangovers but getting groggier. Fast forward a few years, and it escalated pretty fast after that. At the end of my drinking I was drinking around the clock. First thing in the morning, day times, until I went to sleep, in the middle of the night. During all this, I still ran my business, paid my bills and to the outside world seemed functional. I didn't think my life was unmanageable, but in retrospect, of course it was.

Someone wise on this site said that 'functioning' is not a type of alcoholic but rather a stage of alcoholism. I would agree with that.
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Old 06-16-2018, 03:58 AM
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As the others have said, only your friend can decide. I was just like that only a few years ago and also have a friend exactly as you described. However, with myself, my daily drinking morphed into at LEAST 8 light beers per day. I considered it a successful moderation day if I drank only 5, The day I put down the drink, I counted 12-14 beers and didn't even feel a buzz. I estimate my daily drinking had escalated to at least 10 beers per day, every day. I would classify myself as an alcoholic. I am a woman and weigh about 130 lbs.
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Old 06-16-2018, 05:38 AM
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Glad you are sober- not sure if anyone brought it up above, since we were mostly addressing your concern about your friend - but you said you are recently sober.

Not sure what you mean by recent - days, weeks, months? My experience and the advice I got from others proved very important - I needed to focus on my SELF make some progress in [AA] before I could even start worrying about others. That would be the right focus of Step 12 - carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers, through service to others.

I still have to watch myself about drifting into others' biz. People looking for help, or questioning as your friend does, will eventually reach out if they admit they need help.

Best to you for staying sober then living in recovery.
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