Parrishwest

The obession hasn’t lifted. I feel no purpose day to day.

Been down this road before the “it gets better” isn’t getting better.

I’ve tried geographics, CBT, AA, spirituality. Ugh maybe I’m just doomed to want to use.

Dee74

Hi and welcome to SR parishwest

You posted in our chart admin forum - it's not the chat room - so I moved your post here for more response

This community made all the difference to me - hope it will for you too.

It took a while for me to not want to drink. It was hard - I had to run on faith that things would get better but they did. the support i found here made it helped make it possible

What kind of sobriety have you experience of - weeks? months? years?

It sounds like you want change. Stepoping away from that drink could be the first steo?


PS
If you want the chat room the portal is here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/achat.php

D

VigilanceNow

64 days is amazing! It often takes people longer than that to feel some semblance of normality after years of drinking.

If you want things to get better, even without knowing your circumstances, I can say unequivocally that having that drink will NOT help things get better.

Do you have a support network other than here? Someone you can call to talk about why having the first drink is the exact path to further pain and suffering? You are not doomed. Everyone has days where they feel the obsession will never fully go away. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself; just simply say today, I will not drink. Today, I will be optimistic. Worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Celebrate 64 days by looking forward to 65!!!

Gottalife

Could you tell me what it was you tried when you went to AA? I’m curious.

lessgravity

Have you looked into Rational Recovery?

Vinificent

I recently celebrated a year of sobriety and I still feel "doomed to want to use". I still want to drink, but the longer I don't do it, the easier it is to refuse the urge. 64 days is AWESOME and you already did the hardest part. Get back on the wagon as soon as possible and do not feel like that time is lost. I had many slips before I started racking up the days but the more 24 hours sober time provided the gift of lifting the compulsion.

August252015

Great comments above. I particularly echo Gottalife's, as a dedicated AAer myself.

By dedicated, I mean working the steps with a sponsor, desire to keep progressing in recovery in every day, a meeting routine, and having a solid sober network of friends, to start. So far, I am 854 days sober and my life is so beyond 100% better I can't write enough words to describe it.

Hope you are ready for a permanent change like the start you have this time- whatever program you choose, one of action is the key for me and I'd venture most of us here.

Lastly- I believe there are very few cases like the BB describes as hopeless.

Anna

It's the disease of alcoholism that is telling you that you are doomed to failure. You are not doomed, and, in fact, you are in control. You reached 64 days which is terrific. Don't give up at this point.

january161992

reminds me of the 80s sitting in front of the tv drapes closed drinking/ isolating watching the a team/ cheers/ miami vice

escaping from life with no purpose

then i joined aa worked the steps and got a better life

just my testimony

tekink

64 days isn't long enough imho. I didn't feel any better after 60 days. I felt like complete garbage.


I relapsed three times right around that 60 day mark. The fourth time I made it 60 days it stuck and I have 16 months now.

It wasn't any easier after 4 months for me. Things started to ease a little around the 6-7 month mark but the whole first year was me doing all I could to simply not drink.


These days I'm feeling a lot better. Anytime folks think it's easy sailing after a month or two I get a little nervous for them as the entire first year was a nightmare for me.

Sunflowerlife

I also took about six months to feel better. It took almost a year to feel pretty darn good. My point is, don’t give up on yourself. It’s too early. Just because you drank today doesn’t mean you failed or are doomed. Start over again - you are stronger now because of your 64 days. You deserve freedom and alcohol can’t and won’t give it to you. I can promise you that.

2muchpain

Could you please explain what you mean when you said you don't feel you have a sense of purpose? I thinking feeling you matter in some way can make a big difference in recovery. John

Oneday04

You have purpose. 64 days is great. Something I have not achieved in twenty years.

If you got a tiny crack on your mobile phone would you throw it on the floor and smash it into a thousand pieces?

Same goes for your slip. The work is not undone. It takes strength to get back on and start again. That's purpose

TheSoberDude

There is some very good experience in this thread! We all have relapsed numerous times, and for this reason or that. You’re not alone in this boat, as we have all had thoughts of giving up. That’s the disease of alcoholism. We have allowed alcohol to control our lives, and when we take control, it’s right around the corner waiting for us to fail.

Your life is worth living, but you must restructure yourself to have purpose. Alcohol filled my voids and my only purpose was to drink. Yet, I have now structured myself to create goals, exercise, eat healthy, volunteer, and do the things I love such as fishing and hunting.

I don’t sit in my apartment much, as that was where I sat and drank all the time.

Quitting alcohol is not a miracle cure to all of life’s problems. I still get stressed, I still get anxious, and I have bad days where I’m in a foul mood. Yet, I never turn to alcohol because I realize everyone has those days. It’s human nature, and we as alcoholics need to find other ways in dealing with it.

Exercise has helped me substantially. I feel good, I look good, and people notice. You need to find ways to fill your life with positivity and growth. In my opinion, most alcoholics relapse because they quit and then they don’t change anything else about their life. Not drinking is a huge part of sobriety, but there are many other parts you need to change in order to be happy and successful in sobriety.

By the way, good job on 64 days! Keep strong my friend.

Berrybean

And now you're trying posting here. Now that IS good news.

If you've been to AA no doubt you'll have seen a sign with
H
A
L
T
...written on it.
If you stuck around long enough to ask questions, likely you know that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. These are powerful triggers for us. In the early days they can be like an open invite for the obsession to drink to kick up it's heels. Further on in recovery I find that 2 or more of these triggers at any point really can make for uncomfortable sobriety. As a female I add in another H for me, which is Hormonal, so there's one week of every month where I need to be super vigilant for the other triggers.

Like some other AAers, I'm wondering what you mean by saying you've tried AA. I hope noone at any meetings you went to inferred that it would work immediately. I remember feeling disenchanted as you do now, much further into sobriety in fact, and one day finally HEARD the 'How it works ' card as it was being read, and realised that I wasn't really doing what they suggested at all. I wasn't being fearless. Or thorough. I was too scared to ask for a sponsor. Too scared to pick up the phone and call people as suggested. I was too scared to contemplate working the steps. But, I suddenly became desperate at the thought that if I didn't at least try doing those things, nothing would ever change for me, and that was un-bloody-thinkable. So I leant into my fears and did those things anyway, and that's when those AA promises started to come true, slowly but surely.

Anyway. I'm glad you're here and posting. I hope you stick around.

BB

WeaverBird

You do have a purpose, it's to deal with this state of addiction you got into. And then you can reach out your hand to love and help another person who got addicted. Weev's simple path to happiness lol. You get back the power to choose how to live your life in the next few months.

I believed it when everyone here told me to keep going. I focussed on doing ALL the things suggested here like it was my job, found out what my plan is, and slowly my brain has healed, the big highs and lows have levelled out.

Onwards together my friend