rhaknid

After 7 years of trying to get my wife help by various methods, she has finally admitted that she is an alcoholic. She has been in a treatment facility now for 3 days and I am miserable. I talk to her every day and she has this attitude that now that she knows she can't drink anymore that it will be easy, a piece of cake, "I've got this!"

It pisses me off! I have literally been through hell trying to keep our marriage together, went to counseling with her, been embarrassed in public and with friends and colleagues, and just shelled out $15,000 for this treatment program and you think it's easy!

Vent over.

marie1960

Your wife obviously has not come to terms with what her addiction, and actions have done to you, and your marriage. Sounds to me like she is still in denial, if recovery was so easy, forums such as this would not exist. You have every right to be pissed.

While I do not know if she will ever apologize to you, accept responsibility for her actions, work her recovery program, you have a current opportunity to take some time for yourself and address your own needs.

Living with an active alcoholic is pure hell, you certainly deserve some peace, and joy in your life.

Yes, her answer was flippant, after 3 days in rehab not sure what can be expected, as the XAH that was in my life had zero desire to ever even attempt a recovery program, last I heard he is experiencing alcohol related dementia.

I certainly wish you healing .

Gm0824

I hear you. Actions not words ... I am sure in the past 7 years, you've heard it all. For me, I would be looking for her actions to speaking the loudest when it comes to her recovery. Mine never sought any actual recovery. It was helpful for me to have some ready-to-go responses when he talked about "I can quit on my own, anytime I want" i.e. "mmmhmm", "that's good", "I suppose", "sounds like you've got a plan already worked out then" etc. that left his quality of life to him and me to mine. I was powerless over his alcoholism. I do have power in creating my own happiness and peace of mind.

This is a great forum, I hope you keep posting. The stickies at the top have some very useful information.

atalose

3 days, she’s not even sober yet. I wouldn’t take anything she says seriously anytime soon.

Berrybean

Well, it WILL be easier than trying to control her drinking / moderate. After all, that is practically impossible. Sounds like she's riding high on the hope we can get from step 1 of recovery. Either that or she's trying to bullship her way outta that joint so she can lay her hands on a drink. Don't worry, the professionals running the facility she is in will have heard this hundreds of times before and deal with it accordingly.

BB

mylifeismine

What is it that you are scared of?

Have you been to any alanon meetings or learned about the
family disease of alcoholism? Living with an active alcoholic
has affected you and changed you. In the chaotic day to day
life with an alcoholic, we don't realize what has happened to us
and that we are just as much in need of "recovery".

I hope you will read around on this site, the "stickies" at the top
are great and there are books, a popular one being "Codependent
no more" by Melanie Beattie. Keep posting and check out alanon.
It may take a few meetings to find one that works for you.