SportsFan15

Last Saturday I drank for the first time in nearly a year. Looking back, there were signs that I was in danger for a relapse.

I drank last Saturday then made it through the week without drinking then drank again tonight, 1 week later.

Something my instincts told me quickly was to not focus on starting on Day 1 again and starting a count over. If I think about that, it's an opportunity for toxic shame and guilt to come in.

I guess I just need some encouragement that I'm still an okay human being and worthy of quitting again, and that y'all love me through this slip and to put the poison down and seek someone out instead. I just fear the judgement worst of all.

ChloeRose63

No judgement here. Be kind to yourself. It happens to the best of us. I don't count days anymore. I take it one day at a time. I have had many slip ups where I just needed a glass of wine or a cold beer. I forgive myself and get on with my recovery. Life is too short to dwell on the 'bumps in the road'. Just keep moving right along. You will be fine! We are just busy being human!Keep your head held high!

Dee74

Hi sportsfan - I'm sorry you drank.

Of course you're still a decent human being and everything you've achieved in your sober 11 months is still valid.

You've already followed the drinking road long enough to know where that ends up for you.

It's very much worth your while to try and quit again - this time for good.

It's like you've lifted off from planet addiction - now you need to achieve escape velocity. Dump some of the baggage you no longer need as a not drinker.

Leave no stone unturned in finding that extra oomph this time in your recovery

You can do this

D

August252015

Glad you are back. Hope you stay with us for good. Take care of yourself and take it one day at a time as the saying goes.

doggonecarl

No, the focus shouldn't be on counting or starting day 1 or shame or guilt or perceived judgement from us...no.

You're drinking. Then focus has to be on stopping. How are you going to get back on track with your recovery?

bringmeback7693

I'm sorry you drank. 11 months is a solid chunk of time, and you can totally do it again (and longer!)

Pay attention to that voice that tells you a relapse might be coming up. Go to AA, call your sponsor, post on here, whatever it takes. The second you have that insight, reach out for help. We are here for you!

Culture

No judgement here , just support SportsFan15.

Berrybean

No judgement. Just gratitude that you're here and posting and resolved to give yourself that renewed gift of sobriety.

BB

biminiblue

Right back at it, soldier!

Thanks for posting, though. It reminds me yet again how quickly things can go the other way.

Whatever it takes.

Delilah1

I'm so glad you're back Sportsfan. Try not to stress about Day One, think about what worked for you during those 11 months, and maybe reflect a little to see what happened the past two Saturdays that made you decide to drink. Add whatever you need to your recovery so you are ready the next time that thought pops into your head.

Glad to see you here and posting today!!

❤️Delilah

tekink

Get back on as fast as you can and make a plan to deal with that situation next time it arises. Starting over that count, while troubling, could be something to make you think twice the next time your AV sneaks in on you.

SoberLeigh

No judgment from me either, SportsFan.

You haven't lost your sober time; it was hard earned and is a good basis from which to build your sober future.

Pour out whatever you have and maybe spend the day boosting your sober plan.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

Zebra1275

Something my instincts told me quickly was to not focus on starting on Day 1 again and starting a count over. If I think about that, it's an opportunity for toxic shame and guilt to come in.

That's one of the reasons I don't count sober days.

I had over a few thousand days and then drank. Getting sober the second time around was hard. I decided not to count days because it seemed depressing to keep starting over after such a long run.

I've now far exceeded the number of sober days from the first time around, but I would have to sit down with a calculator and a calendar to figure out by how many.

I don't feel the need to do that as long as I'm sober today. Tomorrow I will start over with a new day, it's just one day at a time for me.

Oneday04

Don't beat yourself up. 11 months is a great achievement. You can do it again and more

least

My last relapse was after six months sober. I don't know why, but that cemented in my head that I couldn't drink without terrible consequences. I made a vow that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, and I've been sober ever since - 8 and a half years.

If I can do it, so can you.

Hevyn

We still love you, SportsFan. You'll be more determined now.

I drank after 3 yrs. sober. When I finally got myself together again - that was it. No more experiments. It will stick this time!

J50

As others have said, don't beat yourself up.

You did a lot of things right to stay sober for 11 months, and did your brain and body a great service during that time which no one can take away from you.

I think the big thing is to think back and identify where things started going off the rails. That way you are prepared for any roadblocks in your ongoing journey.

This was a flat tire. Fix it, get back in the car, and enjoy the rest of the ride

Dee74

How are you Sportsfan?

SportsFan15

Thank you all so much for your notes. I'm looking forward to getting back online tonight to read them and reply. This community is special and has helped me so much with not allowing a slip to turn into a bender...you help shield the guilt/shame and I'm not able to use it as a reason/excuse/whatever to drink. I appreciate you.

CreativeThinker

Sportsfan- I know how you feel...the last time I put my toe in the water, I too relapsed after 11 months. It totally sucks...Ugh! It's strange how regular drinking again creeps back up on you, after that first drink. When I relapsed, I had just left my mother, who had died at the hospital. I went back to the hotel and to the bar where I had 2 glasses of wine. The next few weeks I was busy with funeral preparations...and didn't drink. But...once I got home and returned to "life as usual", I began drinking again. Not a lot at first, as I thought I might be able to control my drinking again. Within 6 months I was drinking every night again...more than ever.

It took me YEARS to get back to thinking about getting sober again. Don't let that happen to you. I hope you jump right back into your sober living routine and not allow your AV to take control, as I did.

Hang in there...you can do this!

CT