trytorun

I am far happier sober- I'm more productive, I'm more in touch, I'm better able to take on whatever comes my way. I still struggle, though, with knowing how to say no when someone offers that glass of wine. I don't know how to say no, and once I start, I have no idea how to stop.
I think it has to be a matter of self-care, and telling people that I am saying no because I value myself enough not to imbibe poison, but I just can't seem to get there when the time comes. What did you do? What works?

doggonecarl

I avoided places and situations where people would be offering me alcohol. If you can't say "no" then don't put yourself in situations where you can say "yes."

Anna

I say 'No, thanks' and no more. I don't think I need to offer an explanation to others.

Also, I'm not around alcohol very often.

Fly N Buy

I tell them the truth - I have an allergy when I drink. I break out in handcuffs.

Early in sobriety I simply did not go to places where alcohol was served. Around 6 months it was no longer an issue. I don’t drink.

trytorun

Thank you. I have to be more proactive.

Dee74

It was hard for me to say no to anyone regardless of what it was - but after getting serious about recovery I learned to say no to a drink pretty much right away.

I learned that although it might feel as if we owe people an explanation, we really don't - no thanks is all anyone else really needs to know

D

tekink

I found avoiding all situations that involved drinking for a while very helpful. I couldn't be trusted to be around it.

Gottalife

Lots of good advice above, which may help as a temporary measure. I was going to AA and they have much the same advice in the fellowship.

I totally ignored it. Not out of belligerence, but because my alcoholic life was the only normal one I knew. I thought the bar I used to drink at was the centre of the universe, where life happened, and if I wasn't there I would be missing out. I checked in there most nights on my way home from meetings, just long enough to have a coke and a look round. I also went to a club most Saturday nights. Being 22, single and being driven by powerful instincts might have had something to do with it as well. My family also offered to remove all booze from the house and stop drinking in front of me. I declined. After all it was my problem, not theirs.

Strangely I never felt tempted to pick up a drink in that time. I suspect that was because I was attending AA meetings frequently and I had a sponsor with whom I was working the steps.

There came a point in the steps (more than in time) where I had quite a sudden change in outlook. I had once again called in at my bar on the way home, and for the first time, saw the truth about the place. I never went back, it lost all its attraction.

It seems the steps worked to keep me safe during that transitioning time, while I went from alcoholic mind to recovered, and through them I was able to make it a permanent state of affairs.

least

I don't give any explanation, I just say "no thanks". If they press me, I just say it's not good for me. If they still press me, I ask them why it bothers them. That usually shuts them up.

J50

I like, "no thanks, I'm good".

If that doesn't work, reply with "I don't drink."

No need for explanation or justification. It's no ones business, and 99% of the people will be good with that. Don't engage the 1% who will press you. Just smile and walk away.

Lizajane

Try not to think of it as so unusual to not want an alcoholic beverage. If someone offers you a coffee or soda and you don't want one...you just say no thanks. You can say no thank you, do you have any......? No one would insist that you have a coffee or soda. So if they do...THEY are the weird ones. A polite person would simply ask you if they can get you anything else. I a have many non alcoholic friends who sometimes say yes to a drink and sometimes say no. If saying no is difficult because of the temptation, then stay away of the situation until you feel ready.

resolute50

Early in sobriety it's best to stay clear of temptation.
If friends press, get new friends

BDTL

That's pretty good right there! lol

If it bothers you then don't put yourself in places of temptation. I have told all my friends that I do not drink any longer. I've played in golfing groups where everyone was drinking but me however I'm in a different place in my life now than most. I'm getting up in age and alcohol has no pull on me any longer. I am so blessed in that respect.

timm84

Poison is the key word, here.

When I get the urge (it's becoming more and more rare now thankfully) I try to trick my brain into a negative association.

For example, when I see a bottle of bulleit rye on the shelf (definitely my favorite) I try to think of all the times I vomited it up because I couldn't stop after 1 or 2 or 8.

This has worked out pretty well for me- sometimes even when I see someone drinking on TV I get a little mild nausea.

Remember the hangovers. Remember how horrible you feel the day after. Remember you are literally drinking poison.

trytorun

Thank you everyone. It is poison. I have to learn to treat it like poison all the time.

trytorun

Staring down what will be a horrific detox. I need to make it my last.

Mango212

How are you doing?