Mamaof3

I posted about my husband a couple weeks ago. I was confused about if he was using again or not. People kept telling me they're certain he is. He kept telling me he wasn't. I didn't know what to believe I knew he was definitely drinking.

He was drinking one night a couple weeks ago and he called me over and over. Just being awful. He got so mad he told me he was going to kill me or mess me up and take our son. He told me I was worthless. I stopped replying/answering my phone. The next day all he said to me was "when can I see my son?" I didn't reply until the day after that. No once did I receive an apology. I immediately ended things. Cut him off from seeing our son as well. I told him if he stopped drinking and got a drug test he can see our son. He refuses. Makes excuses.

Well the guy he was hanging out with got in contact with me. He told me everything my husband has been up to (my husband and I don't live together so I don't know).
This guy told me he was in fact using again. He told me he's on pain pills, xanax, meth, heroin, drinking, and he left with anot her woman one night (WHEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER). I honestly don't know if this is truth. I believe it is. All signs are there. He refuses to take a drug test. That's a huge sign. My husband still insists he's not using but when he called me yesterday to check on our son he definitely sounded high.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm so worried about him. This is his second relapse in a year. He's missed out on so much of the first year of our sons life. I just want to cry all the time. I know I will heal from this but right now it's very difficult.

Missmac37

So sorry for your situation. It sounds like you have been through a lot of worry and heartache.
I’m concerned you say you are so worried for HIM. What about you and your son? What about how abusive he is being and he cheated on you?

Maudcat

Very sorry, Mamaof3. It’s a difficult situation, for sure.
Good luck and good thoughts.

Hechosedrugs

His actions tell you that his friend is telling the truth. He sounds incredibly dangerous. Please protect your kids and yourself.

Gm0824

Did you follow through with meeting with an attorney? Women's advocacy center? Domestic violence shelter? Al anon or Nar anon? Counseling? Anything to change the pattern you've been in?

I'd be careful talking to his friends, shaky ground at best.

hopeful4

Turn him over to God. You cannot make someone be well. He is showing you who he is, believe him.

Big hugs.

Mamaof3

My attorney told me because we have a covenant marriage we would have to do marriage counseling before we can get a legal separation or divorce. There's no way that's going to happen while he's using.
I attend an RU meeting at my church every week. I have a great group of support there.

Mamaof3

I struggled with that at first. I wanted to fix him. But obviously I can't. I have turned this over to God. I feel more peace than I did a few weeks ago.

Thank you.

Mamaof3

I am protecting us. He's not been around my two other children in a long time and he's not allowed to see our son.

Someone suggested I get a order of protection. I have thought about it but I don't think he will come around.

Mamaof3

I'm worried about him dying from all these drugs.

But I am more worried about myself and my son. Even if he gets clean I am still done. Cheating and the abuse is not okay. Using or not. My goal is divorce and him not ever being alone with my son. This is a cycle I don't think he'll ever get out of.

Gm0824

I am not an attorney. My understanding of a covenant marriage was you'd have to prove fault in order for a divorce to be granted such as adultery or substance abuse and attend marriage counseling either as a couple or separately. May be worth obtaining a second opinion to clarify the rules to help protect yourself and children. I agree, if there are threats, you should be reporting them even if you think he wouldn't follow through on them.

atalose

Sounds like a horrible situation for you and your children to be dealing with.

Aren’t some of the reasons to divorce and get out of a covenant marriage is when the other spouse has committed adultery (friend said he left with another woman) the other spouse engages in substance abuse (he has a history) the spouses have been living separately for a minimum amount of time, one or two years depending on the law in your state.

You seem to have plenty of proof, I’d certainly talk with an attorney and get the ball rolling.

Mamaof3

My lawyer did not clarify if the counseling could be done separately. I will ask him more about this and find a counselor and see if I can get more details from them as well.

Missmac37

So scary to worry for someone’s life, I completely understand that feeling.
I feel the same about my ex but I have managed to switch off the feeling as soon as it creeps in.
Is there any chance at all you can block his number and go no contact for a while so you can get some space to start healing?

Mamaof3

We don't have much contact. He calls once a day to ask about our son. Which I'm really surprised he does. He did not do this during his last relapse. He would go days sometimes a week without asking about our son. Last week he went two and a half days without contacting me. I dread his call everyday. Talking to him even for 2 minutes hurts. Yesterday I could tell he was high.
I agree I think I should cut contact completely for a while. So I can start to heal.

Gm0824

I would suggest moving communication regarding the child to e-mail considering the age of the child.

Missmac37

If you dread the calls I would even take them. If he is so concerned for his sons welfare he should clean up and get back into recovery.
Start putting your feelings first block him out your life for a good long while and revisit it when you have gained some strength