Finding faith in a sunset
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Finding faith in a sunset
It's 2AM over here and I just need to vent a little.
Had lunch with a good friend across town yesterday, he's been divorced 3 times already so I figured he could give me a lot of advice on the practical aspects of the event. Hadn't seen him in awhile, had a great time. After that I drove to a business meeting which, as usual in this economy, didn't work out. They're almost broke and desperately trying to stay afloat, no need for my services there.
Driving home brought me past some of the places my wife and I have lived thru. Some of the hospitals where she's had surgery, some of the places where we worked together. Lots and lots of memories of our life together over the last 19yrs. That was _so_ hard. Had to pull off the freeway and into a parking lot.
When I finaly got home there was a wonderful sunset. Grays and pinks and reds all over. Even the houses picked up a bit of color. That was my HP playing with finger paint, letting me know he's still thinking of me. Went to see my M.D., I'm not getting more than 5 hours of sleep, still not able to shake off the last of the flu I had last week. He told me I have too much stress in my life (yeah, like I didn't know that already :-) Told me to go see a shrink. (Doing that already)
Went to bed early, woke up at midnight. Read a little, cruised this forum a bit, answered some email. 2AM I hear my wife having a nightmare. She gets those from time to time. Nasty, ugly nightmares from her childhood. Took me a few minutes to wake her up. Then she was upset cuz she thought she'd woken _me_ up with her screaming and I needed my sleep.
That's when I realized there's still hope. When I catch her groggy and sleepy she's still the same loving, kind, and giving lady I married 19yrs ago. This "disease" that has taken over her is just on the outside, it's just the huge pile of fears and insecurities from a brutal childhood and a life filled with pain and hardship. I will not be the guy who wakes her up from her nightmares in the future (and that realization is really hurting bad at the moment) but I'm beginning to have a little hope that she still has a chance to break out of this and find a life that is happy, joyous and free.
I can't walk away from her with the feeling that I am abandoning her. But if I hang on to the hope that she will survive this, that her HP will guide her and help her through it, then I think I might be able to walk away. Is that detachment? Finding enough faith in my HP that I can walk away from somebody i love who is in great pain?
Sunsets are not endings. If you have enough faith they are beginnings.
Mike :-)
Had lunch with a good friend across town yesterday, he's been divorced 3 times already so I figured he could give me a lot of advice on the practical aspects of the event. Hadn't seen him in awhile, had a great time. After that I drove to a business meeting which, as usual in this economy, didn't work out. They're almost broke and desperately trying to stay afloat, no need for my services there.
Driving home brought me past some of the places my wife and I have lived thru. Some of the hospitals where she's had surgery, some of the places where we worked together. Lots and lots of memories of our life together over the last 19yrs. That was _so_ hard. Had to pull off the freeway and into a parking lot.
When I finaly got home there was a wonderful sunset. Grays and pinks and reds all over. Even the houses picked up a bit of color. That was my HP playing with finger paint, letting me know he's still thinking of me. Went to see my M.D., I'm not getting more than 5 hours of sleep, still not able to shake off the last of the flu I had last week. He told me I have too much stress in my life (yeah, like I didn't know that already :-) Told me to go see a shrink. (Doing that already)
Went to bed early, woke up at midnight. Read a little, cruised this forum a bit, answered some email. 2AM I hear my wife having a nightmare. She gets those from time to time. Nasty, ugly nightmares from her childhood. Took me a few minutes to wake her up. Then she was upset cuz she thought she'd woken _me_ up with her screaming and I needed my sleep.
That's when I realized there's still hope. When I catch her groggy and sleepy she's still the same loving, kind, and giving lady I married 19yrs ago. This "disease" that has taken over her is just on the outside, it's just the huge pile of fears and insecurities from a brutal childhood and a life filled with pain and hardship. I will not be the guy who wakes her up from her nightmares in the future (and that realization is really hurting bad at the moment) but I'm beginning to have a little hope that she still has a chance to break out of this and find a life that is happy, joyous and free.
I can't walk away from her with the feeling that I am abandoning her. But if I hang on to the hope that she will survive this, that her HP will guide her and help her through it, then I think I might be able to walk away. Is that detachment? Finding enough faith in my HP that I can walk away from somebody i love who is in great pain?
Sunsets are not endings. If you have enough faith they are beginnings.
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
(((Mike)))
Your post gave me goosebumps - your words are beautiful. I can feel your love for your wife.
You HP was there with you yesterday as will be with your wife, together or apart.
Your post gave me goosebumps - your words are beautiful. I can feel your love for your wife.
You HP was there with you yesterday as will be with your wife, together or apart.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Mike,
What a wonderful change I see in you from a few weeks ago. You're a perfect example of a person really working their program. Congrats sir.
Your sunset reminds me of the Norther Lights I saw Sunday night. It was such a spiritual moment for me. I know how you felt. A grand gift from our Father.
I don't think that we really ever get over everything that happened with our spouses. Things will remind you once in a while. Hold onto the good memories and cherish a time where love abound.
You're a dynamic guy. You're heart is as big as the moon. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers that the 2 of you will be able to follow your new paths with little pain and regrets.
Hugs, Kathy
What a wonderful change I see in you from a few weeks ago. You're a perfect example of a person really working their program. Congrats sir.
Your sunset reminds me of the Norther Lights I saw Sunday night. It was such a spiritual moment for me. I know how you felt. A grand gift from our Father.
I don't think that we really ever get over everything that happened with our spouses. Things will remind you once in a while. Hold onto the good memories and cherish a time where love abound.
You're a dynamic guy. You're heart is as big as the moon. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers that the 2 of you will be able to follow your new paths with little pain and regrets.
Hugs, Kathy
Last edited by gelfling; 11-09-2004 at 10:24 AM. Reason: boo boo
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