Raindrops

I have to stay in prayer today. I have my deposition tomorrow and I will e seeing my husband after a year of no contact. I have to stay strong for myself . I am proud of how far I have come from the day I left, but the love does not die. I will pray for him.

Mango212

Hi Raindrop,

Do you need to see him in order to do the deposition?

Prayers are powerful. It's okay to keep them directed on our own footsteps and helping ourselves through this day.

(((hugs)))

qtpi

I had a loving friend go with me beforehand - couldn't go in of course, and I just looked at my lawyer- not at him. when he tried to talk with me I said to my lawyer- please tell him to direct everything through you. His lawyer couldn't find anything during the deposition - he just ended up looking like a fool and in the end, I asked for and received my lawyer's fee for that day. Also arrange for a supportive person to meet you afterwards- and tell us how it went!

trailmix

I understand that you can still have love for a person, even one that abused you.

Since it has been a year and you seem to be still struggling quite a bit, how do you feel about your therapist? Are you making strides with him/her.

Not saying there is any timetable for your recovery but I know you mentioned that your self esteem and confidence had been completely trampled by him day after day and I hope you are rebuilding that?

Let him speak, he will dig his own hole, he won't be able to help himself.

You know your truth. You survived that abuse and you are strong, you will be fine.

Raindrops

I continue to go to al anon and I continue to see my therapist. I have grown leaps and bounds since I left. Today , I am firm in my decision to leave and know why I did. I also know what part I played in giving my power away. I do have my al anon sponsor going with me for deposition tomorrow .

trailmix

Oh that's great to hear! I feel better now lol (really). Hated to think of you having to go with no support.

I'm also happy to hear that you are firm in your decision and that you are feeling more grounded.

Gm0824

I agree with QTPI, look at and answer his attorney. From my experience in court (not deposition) when xah represented himself and called me as his witness , this strategy helped give me back some of my power when I would turn and give my answer to the judge. Being matter of fact and as non-emotional (easier said than done) as possible is a huge asset.

firebolt

Sending you peace and strength today!

dawnrising

Thinking of you. Good Luck

NYCDoglvr

Bravo!! You're definitely taking care of yourself and safely on the recovery train. A big hug.

Bekindalways

I hope it went well Raindrops. When you read this you are one important step further along.

Courage to you lovely human.

Raindrops

My deposition went ok.
My attorney deposed him first. We showed some videos of his abudive behavior first and questioned him about some financial things. I don't think it had an impact on him and even if it did he hid it pretty well.
They deposed me right after. Tried questioning me about my finances and if I have gone on a vacation since I moved out. Pretty much trying to portray that he was taking care of every need of mine while I was there. Which is true because I was paying my student loans the whole time so now they want to portray it like I was taking care of my separate loans while not spending any money in the house.
He asked me why I had been sending him emails even after I left. I said because I want him to get help wether or not I am with him . So then he was like what have you done since you left to try to get him help. I said his health is his responsibility. He asked me if I had seen a psychologist since I left. I said yes for depression but I did not take any meds for more than a week because it was making my symptoms worse and I chose to continue with alanon , open AA , meditation and exercise and that's helped me more.
At some point his attorney took a break and came back to apologize to me saying that he had been asked by his client to apologize. I still don't know if that was a tactic or genuine but it is not for me to know.
I don't know how it went over all but I chose to take the high road instead of the blame game. I stuck to facts and maybe at times said more than I should have but I stayed in my power, I was courteous, I came from a place of love.

Raindrops

I did cry once when they played the videos. I turned away from him . Looked towards the window. Cried a bit. Wiped my tears and then turned around to face him.

trailmix

I have zero experience in any kind of complicated divorce however, common sense dictates that if you were paying off your student loans and he was paying for house/food etc, you had to have an agreement in place.

How they could make it appear any other way I can't imagine.

"Your Honor, I tried to wrestle the money from her hands each pay day for the mortgage but she would hit send on the bank payments page and pay her student loans! Yet I couldn't let her starve".

I'm sure you did well, you are one step closer to getting this divorce out of the way.

Bekindalways

Kudos to you brave one. This sounds beyond difficult but you are walking through the fire.

May peace and healing be yours.

Gm0824

When I feel I've said too much, I try to remind myself to have faith that I said what I was supposed to. Proud of you Rain. The apology sounds like more manipulation, stay strong in your recovery during t he upcoming legal encounters and dealings with him. Trust that every move an attorney makes is calculated.

Raindrops

There were such classic signs of his narcissistic personality during the deposition. He could not wrap his head around the idea of community property. He hesitated for a long time when my attorney asked him if he thinks that women should be treated with respect. He smirked when the part of recording came up where he was calling my father names. He still wanted to do badly prove and strong adhered to the notion that I had married him for money and he should be reimburse for supporting me . Ummm

dandylion

Raindrops....Oh, My. I think that sort of thing goes to a persons character. Don't ever expect that to change.....
Even though this is a tough time for you, right now....
You so deserve to be free of this.
You could never flourish in this kind of relationship....
Try to remember this, if you ever start to second guess yourself......

Bernadette

:
Wow you did great. You really did!
As you continue on your strong path of change and self-recovery, when you falter remember how anxious you were about this deposition and how really well you handled it. That took courage, you've got courage!
Peace,
B

Raindrops

I have been second guessing a lot. I think it's such a tough time financially, emotionally ... in every way that I sometimes think would it have been easier to just live there?. Plus attorneys want to just make money. They don't care. So I'm in such a tough spot right now.