Step Back, Stepping Back
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Step Back, Stepping Back
I've come across this a lot in my co-dependency "work", which started in earnest in 1989. Long time ago, right? Well, the reason I mention it is because that is the first time someone said to me, "Good job working on your co-dependency issues." He was my boss at the time and I didn't even KNOW I had co-dependency issues until he said that. It got me thinking....and wondering....and then kind of going, "Okay. He's probably right." Not only did he identify it in that sentence....he gave me encouragement in the very same sentence.
But I didn't learn about truly truly intimately "stepping back" until I put it to a true test for myself about 3 years ago. I KNEW I needed to step back. I didn't really WANT to step back. But, I knew that is what I needed to do. It troubled me. I thought about it. I prayed about it. I wondered about it. I tried to figure it all out. That all pointed in a direction I knew I had to take, but didn't want to. Step back.
I'd always pretty much thought "progress" meant stepping FORWARD...or what I perceived as a forward motion. I had not yet understood that stepping back might mean doing just that....feeling like I was careening backwards for a time period...before finally feeling like I was moving forward again....I didn't ENJOY it. I really didn't. In fact it felt like stepping back was more like falling on my face. But, there was something in depths of my soul that told me to "step back, step back." And so, that is what I did....both internally and externally. I stepped back. Did it feel good? No it did not. Did I get immediate satisfaction? No I did not. Did it feel icky? "Icky doesn't even describe it." But, it's what I ended up doing....I distinctly remember taking that step back...
But I didn't learn about truly truly intimately "stepping back" until I put it to a true test for myself about 3 years ago. I KNEW I needed to step back. I didn't really WANT to step back. But, I knew that is what I needed to do. It troubled me. I thought about it. I prayed about it. I wondered about it. I tried to figure it all out. That all pointed in a direction I knew I had to take, but didn't want to. Step back.
I'd always pretty much thought "progress" meant stepping FORWARD...or what I perceived as a forward motion. I had not yet understood that stepping back might mean doing just that....feeling like I was careening backwards for a time period...before finally feeling like I was moving forward again....I didn't ENJOY it. I really didn't. In fact it felt like stepping back was more like falling on my face. But, there was something in depths of my soul that told me to "step back, step back." And so, that is what I did....both internally and externally. I stepped back. Did it feel good? No it did not. Did I get immediate satisfaction? No I did not. Did it feel icky? "Icky doesn't even describe it." But, it's what I ended up doing....I distinctly remember taking that step back...
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
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there was something in depths of my soul that told me to "step back, step back." And so, that is what I did.
I've experienced this. The more I go through, the more I trust in these processes.
Counter-intuitive. Healing. Speeding me to where I want to be much quicker than any other means.
I've experienced this. The more I go through, the more I trust in these processes.
Counter-intuitive. Healing. Speeding me to where I want to be much quicker than any other means.
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"Counter-intuitive" is exactly what I was just thinking. It's definitely against my nature and much of my "training" to step back. This leads me back around to baby steps...sometimes baby steps are actually backwards or sideways steps...not always in a forward motion. And they fall down on their little tushes and sometimes they fall forward...but they usually fall down a lot. But they get back up.
So then...the NEXT time I needed to take another "step back" or "step away"....I didn't fight it so much....it still wasn't easy....but I didn't do it with that sense of dread in the pit of my stomach that I was going to careen out of control...and then the next time I was faced with a difficult situation that I couldn't see a way out of....yep....that led me to taking a step back, step aside and stepping away....and things got better and there was a transformation....
So then...the NEXT time I needed to take another "step back" or "step away"....I didn't fight it so much....it still wasn't easy....but I didn't do it with that sense of dread in the pit of my stomach that I was going to careen out of control...and then the next time I was faced with a difficult situation that I couldn't see a way out of....yep....that led me to taking a step back, step aside and stepping away....and things got better and there was a transformation....
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Yes!!
Stepping back...counter-intuitive...unlearning the ways we were trained!! Stripping away so much of what I know to examine it and see where I fit, what I believe, who I am and who I want to be.
I’m struggling with anger towards a loved one lately, and think I had a breakthrough with my counselor. I love this person and they are important to me. However, their untreated codependency is at least partially responsible for the things I learned...and have worked hard to unlearn. Now I feel they are sometimes trying to push those learnings back onto me and there is friction resulting.
Your words really spoke to me today...thank you!
Stepping back...counter-intuitive...unlearning the ways we were trained!! Stripping away so much of what I know to examine it and see where I fit, what I believe, who I am and who I want to be.
I’m struggling with anger towards a loved one lately, and think I had a breakthrough with my counselor. I love this person and they are important to me. However, their untreated codependency is at least partially responsible for the things I learned...and have worked hard to unlearn. Now I feel they are sometimes trying to push those learnings back onto me and there is friction resulting.
Your words really spoke to me today...thank you!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by CarryOn 
Yes!!
Stepping back...counter-intuitive...unlearning the ways we were trained!! Stripping away so much of what I know to examine it and see where I fit, what I believe, who I am and who I want to be.
I’m struggling with anger towards a loved one lately, and think I had a breakthrough with my counselor. I love this person and they are important to me. However, their untreated codependency is at least partially responsible for the things I learned...and have worked hard to unlearn. Now I feel they are sometimes trying to push those learnings back onto me and there is friction resulting.
Your words really spoke to me today...thank you!
Stepping back...counter-intuitive...unlearning the ways we were trained!! Stripping away so much of what I know to examine it and see where I fit, what I believe, who I am and who I want to be.
I’m struggling with anger towards a loved one lately, and think I had a breakthrough with my counselor. I love this person and they are important to me. However, their untreated codependency is at least partially responsible for the things I learned...and have worked hard to unlearn. Now I feel they are sometimes trying to push those learnings back onto me and there is friction resulting.
Your words really spoke to me today...thank you!
Well, one thing I have found I need to pay heed to: When I feel "troubled" about something I need to dig deeper....and get it settled....and be prepared to step out of my comfort zone. My pride may likely take a hit....but I need to be prepared for that in the event it needs to happen.
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