Need advice- believe my wife may be an alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 1
Need advice- believe my wife may be an alcoholic
New to this forum and just wanted some advice from people that have more experience, or a different perspective from myself who is in the middle of it.
So I'll just try to keep it factual and leave my impressions/opinions out of it.
Over the past year, my wife's drinking has increased in frequency. I would say she averages drinking 5-6 times per week, with an average of 30-40 drinks per week. She has driven with our young child drunk at least twice. She has driven admittedly drunk by herself at least 2 other times during that time frame.
Lately, she tends to black out more frequently, and I think even more easily. Last night she browned out after only having about 6-7 drinks. She also doesn't tend to get hangovers. She can drink and passout and wake up functioning normally. She also doesn't seem to have much of transition from being sober to drunk. She seems 100% normal, then its like someone flips a switch and she's 100% drunk. Does this sound like symptoms of alcoholism?
For the first time this morning she seemed concerned about her drinking and the fact she couldnt remember things from the previous evening even though she hadn't much (relatively) to drink.
Thanks in advance for any advice/help!
So I'll just try to keep it factual and leave my impressions/opinions out of it.
Over the past year, my wife's drinking has increased in frequency. I would say she averages drinking 5-6 times per week, with an average of 30-40 drinks per week. She has driven with our young child drunk at least twice. She has driven admittedly drunk by herself at least 2 other times during that time frame.
Lately, she tends to black out more frequently, and I think even more easily. Last night she browned out after only having about 6-7 drinks. She also doesn't tend to get hangovers. She can drink and passout and wake up functioning normally. She also doesn't seem to have much of transition from being sober to drunk. She seems 100% normal, then its like someone flips a switch and she's 100% drunk. Does this sound like symptoms of alcoholism?
For the first time this morning she seemed concerned about her drinking and the fact she couldnt remember things from the previous evening even though she hadn't much (relatively) to drink.
Thanks in advance for any advice/help!
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Does this sound like symptoms of alcoholism?
Very much so. AA is for those who have a desire to quit drinking. Alanon is for the family and friends who have been affected by someone else's drinking.
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you're here.
Very much so. AA is for those who have a desire to quit drinking. Alanon is for the family and friends who have been affected by someone else's drinking.
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you're here.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Welcome ah1103! 
Last night she browned out after only having about 6-7 drinks. This made me laugh - because SIX or SEVEN drinks in one night is A LOT!! I mean, I am not an alcoholic so I would be incoherent!! Like, I just would never ever drink that much!!
Glad you found this place - collectively we've seen it all here on SR. I am sure it is unacceptable to you that she drove drunk with a child in the car. Be sure your actions going forward are about protecting the minor children and not protecting the adult alcoholic.
There's an old saying, "How do you know when an alcoholic is lying? Their lips are moving." Someone in active addiction will lie and lie and lie even to the very faces of their loved ones. That's why AA and other recovery programs stress a life of rigorous honesty with the self first.
If she's capable of being honest with her doctor about the amounts she drinks that's a good place to start since some of her symptoms could be neurological and unrelated to her alcohol consumption. But you can't make her go the doctor, or be honest, or quit drinking. If love could cure addiction none of us would be here!
You can only control yourself and choose how you want your children and yourself to live.
Peace,
B.
Last night she browned out after only having about 6-7 drinks. This made me laugh - because SIX or SEVEN drinks in one night is A LOT!! I mean, I am not an alcoholic so I would be incoherent!! Like, I just would never ever drink that much!!
Glad you found this place - collectively we've seen it all here on SR. I am sure it is unacceptable to you that she drove drunk with a child in the car. Be sure your actions going forward are about protecting the minor children and not protecting the adult alcoholic.
There's an old saying, "How do you know when an alcoholic is lying? Their lips are moving." Someone in active addiction will lie and lie and lie even to the very faces of their loved ones. That's why AA and other recovery programs stress a life of rigorous honesty with the self first.
If she's capable of being honest with her doctor about the amounts she drinks that's a good place to start since some of her symptoms could be neurological and unrelated to her alcohol consumption. But you can't make her go the doctor, or be honest, or quit drinking. If love could cure addiction none of us would be here!
You can only control yourself and choose how you want your children and yourself to live.
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
[How can you appear sober one minute and be 100% percent drunk the next?[I][chances are they have been sneaking drinks throughout the day. Took me quite awhile to realize it wasn’t actual cream in his coffee, it was Baileys,, the glass of ice water was half vodka, and the “I only stopped for 2 beers”, was actually 12, so by the time he set down to dinner, took a sip of his drink he was hammered. He was the worst black out drunk, and never would have a hangover. I don’t get it, anything after two drinks , I will have a headache from Hell the next day, guess that is why two remains my limit.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi ah does she accept she has a problem? She may attempt to cut back but unless she's determined to stop altogether she's sounds like she's getting herself into real trouble. Suggest you read up as much as you can on alcoholism and in the meanwhile make it 100% clear that driving with your child in the car while drunk is out.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 128
I'm sorry to say this, but yes, your wife is an alcoholic. 30-40 drinks a week, blacking out, endangering the children...these are all telltale signs.
It is a GOOD SIGN that your wife is concerned! Now, can she do something about it? Can she come onto sober recovery, get to an AA meeting, or see an addiction counselor? Any of those is a good first step. If she is willing to work on this, there is a chance that the marriage can survive.
It is a GOOD SIGN that your wife is concerned! Now, can she do something about it? Can she come onto sober recovery, get to an AA meeting, or see an addiction counselor? Any of those is a good first step. If she is willing to work on this, there is a chance that the marriage can survive.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by ah1103 
New to this forum and just wanted some advice from people that have more experience, or a different perspective from myself who is in the middle of it.
ah1103, not sure if you ever going to read this, but I really hope things have worked out for you. I wonder how I can convince my wife to take her wine consumption more serious.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,636
Hi Kofh and welcome. I don't know if AH1103 is still watching this board or not but I think you will probably find many new threads that you can read that might resound with you.
Hope you will stick around and perhaps even start a thread of your own.
You may want to check out this thread that is in About Recovery/Classic reading in the stickies section at the top of this forum:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Hope you will stick around and perhaps even start a thread of your own.
You may want to check out this thread that is in About Recovery/Classic reading in the stickies section at the top of this forum:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Hi koph and ah1103.
When i first came here, there were so many posts that described what I had been going through, some not so much.
Seeing a loved one drnk is very painful.
Learning how to deal with that is a journey for you.
This forum has given me many reality checks over time. Its also shown me that I am not alone.
When i first came here, there were so many posts that described what I had been going through, some not so much.
Seeing a loved one drnk is very painful.
Learning how to deal with that is a journey for you.
This forum has given me many reality checks over time. Its also shown me that I am not alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Wombaticus
Seeing a loved one drnk is very painful.
Learning how to deal with that is a journey for you.
This forum has given me many reality checks over time. Its also shown me that I am not alone.
Learning how to deal with that is a journey for you.
This forum has given me many reality checks over time. Its also shown me that I am not alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by KOFH
Fully true. And a long journey I may add. It's painful when your loved one does not want to see the obvious.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
Real tough. I’d like to add, that you may have a “general” count on how much she drinks, but it’s usually worse. Sounds similar to my ex girlfriend. Yeah it’s heartbreaking to watch. Sorry you’re going through it all.
My ex drank from morning to night, 24/7 and mostly appeared “normal” to others — although it does get progressively worse FAST! She awoke nearly every AM “appearing” highly functional (after puking her brains out in our kitchen sink) and then pouring wine in her coffee cup.
Very quickly things escalated. We were together 6 years but looking back... wow, it’s rough. She tried to detox 5 times and that’s when the seizures began. And that’s when I saw everything differently... as she was drinking all day to basically stay alive.
Here’s the thing, you can’t really do anything to help her. It’s a very overwhelming situation. All you can do is decide what are healthy boundaries for yourself and what you’re willing to watch or tolerate. Stop counting her drinks or bottles. And don’t control/tell her how much or how little to drink. I know it’s unbelievable to understand but the less controlling or OCD you are about HER alcoholism.... the better.... for you and your relationship. Sadly controlling her drinking can actually backfire (re: withdrawal seizures). If things get bad (blackouts, seizures, drunk driving, verbal abuse) call 911. Don’t hesitate... call!
Continue to post. This forum honestly saved my life. I’m going on 9 months of no contact with my ex. It’s taken me a long time just to heal slightly from how dysfunctional living with an alcoholic can be!
My ex drank from morning to night, 24/7 and mostly appeared “normal” to others — although it does get progressively worse FAST! She awoke nearly every AM “appearing” highly functional (after puking her brains out in our kitchen sink) and then pouring wine in her coffee cup.
Very quickly things escalated. We were together 6 years but looking back... wow, it’s rough. She tried to detox 5 times and that’s when the seizures began. And that’s when I saw everything differently... as she was drinking all day to basically stay alive.
Here’s the thing, you can’t really do anything to help her. It’s a very overwhelming situation. All you can do is decide what are healthy boundaries for yourself and what you’re willing to watch or tolerate. Stop counting her drinks or bottles. And don’t control/tell her how much or how little to drink. I know it’s unbelievable to understand but the less controlling or OCD you are about HER alcoholism.... the better.... for you and your relationship. Sadly controlling her drinking can actually backfire (re: withdrawal seizures). If things get bad (blackouts, seizures, drunk driving, verbal abuse) call 911. Don’t hesitate... call!
Continue to post. This forum honestly saved my life. I’m going on 9 months of no contact with my ex. It’s taken me a long time just to heal slightly from how dysfunctional living with an alcoholic can be!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
