idontgetit508

Hi all,

I lost ten lbs. since Memorial day since the stress. I look like an Olsen twin lol trying to be funny. I went on what I called a "powerdialing spree" back to back calling via private to see if he was alright and quite frankly I wanted closure on the father/day teaming up on me.

Well there is no closure with an alcoholic. I got yelled at im sleeping, f off. Stop calling my mother she just told me you called. Trust me when I tell ya I deleted the families numbers as they are all alcoholics. He is making stuff up. Instead of me perserving any last dignity I had i went out like a basketcase..........i basically have been dumped when I know i should have remained no contact.

I created all these fake numbers as well different apps and stop calling private until he answered once i got him on the line it was right back to fight or flight and no closure just stuff that makes no sense.

I did forget to mention in 11/17 in the middle of having sex with him i told him i loved him and he responded back drunk I love you to _________ his child's mother's name. Nobody ever did that to me. I also went through his phone and on New Year's Eve i saw FB messages between him and the girl he has a child with.
Him: I miss us
Her: Aww i miss us as well. What do you miss?
Him: your cooking and our happy family
Her: Well he is leaving on 3/1/18 (her husband)

That's as far as he caught me. I could not leave his house for 5 hours that day i just curled up in the bed I paid for and cried and sobbed and hyperventilated and he was just like babe: I was drunk, had one too many, and you had dumped me that day which I did. We had big plans for NYE but when huge booze parties are going down he picks alcohol over me everytime.

This whole week i would create new numbers like a nutcase take benadryl or my prescribed sleeping pills and say when I wake up he will have responded. I didn't shower since Thursday until this morning or accomplish anything. Just made myself nuts.

I started work today and I'm allowed to work from home. I private called him and he was on the way to see his daughter. Immediately, I thought of how he called me her name and they set a plan for a 3/1 move in date and went into I'll come pick up after you see your daughter afraid as she drinks they will get back together. He called me nuts, pyscho, i have lost it, and dont bother him. I cried so hard I fell asleep my poor boss he got no work out of me. I hate myself.

I didnt deactivate my FB i deleted it that's gone i googled how to delete it and found a way in one click. I got rid of all these fake numbers or logged out the app and uninstalled it and changed the number so if he reaches out he gets wrong number.

I'm suing the police for what happened to meet. I notarized all my paperwork and it's time to get my justice, stay busy, and work. I thought of going inpatient today over a drunk with no car or money. No, that's just the result of a year with him. No inpatient they just drug you up on meds so you sleep and in 72 hours you go. I can do inpatient at home if I wanted to.

I guess I'm mad at myself and the whole year was helping, supporting him, making him resumes, getting him good jobs,only to be called a *****. Clearly this is far from love.

My questions I asked to my vets in this: when the past year my hobbies have been babysitter, and rescuer how do I get myself back. I seen a lot in life thi shsould be a piece of cake honestly, dating him took my mind off the assault. Now, im facing it all and I'm all alone in this battle just all of you, my therapist, and me. Just get up and find my passions and stop calling and looking nuts correct? Friends and family are like you have so much anger in you. I dont want to sound like I'm a victim but of course I have anger 2 traumatic things happened back to back.

How can I get back on track w tomorrow? Has anyone been in this crazy power dialing, wanting closure phase as I'm in. It's awful I hate myself for dating him. Please help me people who can relate to power dialing and wanting a loser back. Therapists can;t realate if they never dated a drunk. My own mother is like he is so nice don't leave him try to help him he cant help it.
Praying somebody will see this and respond.

trailmix

I'm glad you came back and posted, i'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

First of all, i'm sure your Mother is well meaning but she obviously doesn't see the whole situation and her advice is not going to help you right now.

I haven't been in your situation but I know it can be tough leaving someone. What does your therapist say? If you are not getting the help you need from him/her, maybe it's time to look for a new one? Perhaps choose a therapist that has some experience in addictions.
Can you up the amount of times you see him/her?

If you feel that inpatient will help you at all, you should perhaps take that option? Have to tried it before? Perhaps they can refer you to services and a counsellor and meetings that can help you get back on track.

Right now you are spinning like a top and I will give you the same advice I gave you last time, stop. Not for him, not for anyone but you.

You can't "save" him, you can't help him, he does not want your help. He has stated that he is not an alcoholic. It is really only his opinion that matters. You cannot help someone who doesn't want help and has said so.

Staying busy helps but you also need to keep your mind busy. It's hard to focus, I know, but just keep dragging your mind back to the task at hand. Watch movies, read, keep dragging your mind back, it takes time but it gives your mind a rest and gets you thinking about other things.

Go complete no contact. Take it a day at a time, or an hour or a minute, whatever you have to do to not pick up that phone. It will get better but you have to give it time.

Raindrops

If you want sanity, go no contact. You are projecting your addiction to him and tying it in wit his behavior. It's time to look at yourself and see if this is who you want to be in life. You won't get closure from a person who is not capable of empathy at this point in his life so let go. You have to stay in prayer if you believe in a higher power and ask him to rid you off of your addiction. You have no control over what he does or does not do but you want him to provide you the closure so that you can feel better. Just like an alcoholic looks towards external things / alcohol to feel better, you are looking towards him to feel better. There is nothing there but an illusion. Even if today he told you what you want to hear, ask yourself if that answer will be enough? Will that solve all the problems for you? Working on gaining back your power is not easy. No one said it will be easy but it is worth it. You have to trust yourself and deaddict yourself and only you can decide when you are ready to start. We change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. Let him go. Let the good things in life come to you. You will be surprised by the miracles that can happen when you create the space for them. I still struggle on some days but I promise you that it gets better every single day. The pain will lessen . Your heart will heal . You will be a much stronger and better person. Someone you are proud of. Find yourself again. Work on who you are and who you want to be and let his higher power work on him. We are here for you. Grieve it out . The process of grieving started for you long before you realized it. The pain is in the resistance. I would scream in pain on some days. It hurt so bad. I want to stand on my rooftop and scream my lungs out. I did it instead on the pillow in my room. Inpatient treatment is more than meds .get all the help you can get. I was alone like you when I started. One year later, I have my world around me and my true pillars of strength.
Hugsss

Lostinthismess

I agree, the no contact way is the best way. I too am guilty of sending texts when I shouldn’t. I am also guilty of sharing feelings that he didn’t deserve to know or hear. The first couple of months were the hardest for me. It literally didn’t start to get better for me until I stopped replying to him and contacting him. I kept hearing it helped but I guess now that I wasn’t strong enough. Now knowing he expects to hear from me makes it easier for me to stay quite. Sending you lots of hugs and strength.

NYCDoglvr

You're throwing gasoline on the flames, staying stuck in a disastrous relationship. The way to get over a bad relationship is no contact for any reason. Eventually you'll heal. Do you know about Alanon? A simple program for complicated people that saves lives.

wistrong

May I ask why you are suing the police? Good for you on deleting the social media and apps you were talking about. That stuff, imo, is relationship poison.

idontgetit508

Of course you can I was sexually assualted by a police officer and he took a plea bargain. Cops are supposed to protect and serve not unprotect and perve.