Ruined day--crisis lump mode
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Ruined day--crisis lump mode
I have a question for those who are or have been in early sobriety: how often do you just have a ruined day? By that I mean, a day when you just have to throw in the towel on everything else--work, responsibilities, diet, exercise, family, etc.--to bunker down and just focus on staying sober?
I ask because when I try to get sober, I have a day like this (usually once a week or so) when I'm just a mess. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober, obviously. But can I look forward to less of this? I'm tired of being in what I can only describe as "crisis lump mode." I'm 3 weeks sober tomorrow, if that context helps.
Thanks in advance.
I ask because when I try to get sober, I have a day like this (usually once a week or so) when I'm just a mess. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober, obviously. But can I look forward to less of this? I'm tired of being in what I can only describe as "crisis lump mode." I'm 3 weeks sober tomorrow, if that context helps.
Thanks in advance.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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I've had several days just like what you describe. And you know what? Yes, you just have hunker down sometimes and do whatever it takes to stay sober....early recovery is no cake walk, most of the time...it will get better...but right now, I'd say continue to guard your sobriety like it's a lifeline....because it is...
But, the hunkering down time does not need to be wasted time....I found there were a lot of good things I could do that worked on my issues.
But, the hunkering down time does not need to be wasted time....I found there were a lot of good things I could do that worked on my issues.
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I think it all depends on how you approach it. Everyone has "bad" days where it seems as though the world is out to get you. Bad things happen at work, family issues rise up, the car breaks down, you run low on money, etc.
The difference to me is that once I quit drinking I was far better prepared to deal with/face all those issues. They never go away - life will always present challenges. If anything, shutting down and isolating is actually addictive behavior - even without the drinking involved.
Certainly taking a day off to help relax/recuperate is not a problem. But I don't ever "throw in the towel" anymore in that sense at least - like I did when I was drinking.
The difference to me is that once I quit drinking I was far better prepared to deal with/face all those issues. They never go away - life will always present challenges. If anything, shutting down and isolating is actually addictive behavior - even without the drinking involved.
Certainly taking a day off to help relax/recuperate is not a problem. But I don't ever "throw in the towel" anymore in that sense at least - like I did when I was drinking.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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I say do whatever it takes to not pick up a drink. If that means popcorn, Netflix and jammies at 5PM, so be it.
I'm not a believer in that saying that everything is addictive behavior. Nothing wrong with hunkering down until the mental storm passes. It's way better than acting out with self-harming or angry actions. I hunkered down a lot, still do on some days. I like my alone time, and I don't see being alone as "addictive behavior."
It does get better and things don't really get to me nearly as much now - unless they're real, actual big deals. In that case I think them through fairly quickly - but ya know? Ish happens.
I'm not a believer in that saying that everything is addictive behavior. Nothing wrong with hunkering down until the mental storm passes. It's way better than acting out with self-harming or angry actions. I hunkered down a lot, still do on some days. I like my alone time, and I don't see being alone as "addictive behavior."
It does get better and things don't really get to me nearly as much now - unless they're real, actual big deals. In that case I think them through fairly quickly - but ya know? Ish happens.
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Some people need more alone time than others. I am one of those people. But, for others....they don't like being alone and they feel like they have wasted a day if they just stay home and do virtually nothing. I get plenty of "action" in my line of work, so I truly value down time.
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Thanks everyone!
Less, nothing actually happened--just anxiety about my research and a sense of feeling overwhelmed. Then cravings kick in. I start by trying to combat them in the usual ways, but sometimes they just don't go down easily.
I'll have to weigh the different views here. I do hope hunkering down isn't addictive, just another form of isolating and self-destructing minus the booze.
Less, nothing actually happened--just anxiety about my research and a sense of feeling overwhelmed. Then cravings kick in. I start by trying to combat them in the usual ways, but sometimes they just don't go down easily.
I'll have to weigh the different views here. I do hope hunkering down isn't addictive, just another form of isolating and self-destructing minus the booze.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
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Yes ProfD I was absolutely like that!
The slightest thing set me off and I regularly (about weekly like you) just willed bed time to come and got myself safe as soon as I could. Just an utter inability to function on anything less than the smoothest of days. It's exhausting isn't it?
It peaked for me at 2 months. I was just a mess then. Tired all the time and very volatile.
I try to see sobriety as a journey. Things are indeed a lot more stable but depression and anxiety got me on this mess (due to using alcohol to self-medicate) so I'm now learning how to cope without my "crutch".
On days like today you've only got one job. Don't drink no matter what. Each one of these days you get through sober builds up your sober muscles. Honestly it's true.
Just one job ProfD.
Keep going! You can give yourself high fives in the morning!
The slightest thing set me off and I regularly (about weekly like you) just willed bed time to come and got myself safe as soon as I could. Just an utter inability to function on anything less than the smoothest of days. It's exhausting isn't it?
It peaked for me at 2 months. I was just a mess then. Tired all the time and very volatile.
I try to see sobriety as a journey. Things are indeed a lot more stable but depression and anxiety got me on this mess (due to using alcohol to self-medicate) so I'm now learning how to cope without my "crutch".
On days like today you've only got one job. Don't drink no matter what. Each one of these days you get through sober builds up your sober muscles. Honestly it's true.
Just one job ProfD.
Keep going! You can give yourself high fives in the morning!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
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"nothing actually happened--just anxiety about my research and a sense of feeling overwhelmed."
Hello! I think therein something big happened! Anxiety and a sense of feeling overwhelmed...in the past thats what drink would have ameliorated. The tactic now has to be to find a strategy to deal with the anxiety and overwhelming feelings that are associated with your research. Perhaps managing a task list, meditation, yoga, taking a short walk break, etc. One thing is for sure your research will be infinately better if youre not avoiding those feelings but strategizing ways to manage them and also coming back to it the next day with a fresh clear mind. It will et easier. I found my thinking became clearer and more logical at about the 6 week point. I cant describe now but i remember the day clearly...there was a shift in thinking that was noticeable.
Hello! I think therein something big happened! Anxiety and a sense of feeling overwhelmed...in the past thats what drink would have ameliorated. The tactic now has to be to find a strategy to deal with the anxiety and overwhelming feelings that are associated with your research. Perhaps managing a task list, meditation, yoga, taking a short walk break, etc. One thing is for sure your research will be infinately better if youre not avoiding those feelings but strategizing ways to manage them and also coming back to it the next day with a fresh clear mind. It will et easier. I found my thinking became clearer and more logical at about the 6 week point. I cant describe now but i remember the day clearly...there was a shift in thinking that was noticeable.
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Originally Posted by ProfessorD 
Thanks everyone!
Less, nothing actually happened--just anxiety about my research and a sense of feeling overwhelmed. Then cravings kick in. I start by trying to combat them in the usual ways, but sometimes they just don't go down easily.
I'll have to weigh the different views here. I do hope hunkering down isn't addictive, just another form of isolating and self-destructing minus the booze.
Less, nothing actually happened--just anxiety about my research and a sense of feeling overwhelmed. Then cravings kick in. I start by trying to combat them in the usual ways, but sometimes they just don't go down easily.
I'll have to weigh the different views here. I do hope hunkering down isn't addictive, just another form of isolating and self-destructing minus the booze.
Sounds like you might need to do some more work if you're not disassociating. I only mean that the anxiety and frustration with life are understandable but if you're fighting cravings I'd want to really walk through what you're staying sober for, how the movie plays out, the suffering and pain you feel when you're drinking.
Get yourself some more leverage.
Oh and also just get through, however you get through.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
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Up until 2 months sober, I had a day a week where I would pretty much vegetate on the sofa and eat my body weight in sweet stuff as I just felt so bleh.
There are now less days spent doing that, at just over 9 months I've got it down to about 1 day a month. Just be kind to yourself Prof, if you have a bad day it is just one day, your ability to get past them will improve, don't be too hard on yourself, one step at a time.
There are now less days spent doing that, at just over 9 months I've got it down to about 1 day a month. Just be kind to yourself Prof, if you have a bad day it is just one day, your ability to get past them will improve, don't be too hard on yourself, one step at a time.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Lots of great responses here. All I can add is that I can relate.
Some of my tough days are a result of the stress that comes with cleaning up the mess I made. Some are probably just living.
I expect that the ones as a result of me cleaning up the mess will fade away the longer I stay sober and face my issues. The others are just living. I keep reminding myself that at least I'm feeling something instead of numbing myself and making things worse.
If you need a day every now and then to yourself and to recover/ re-charge I think that's natural and a-ok. Life isn't easy. We have to learn to be compassionate toward ourselves.
B
Some of my tough days are a result of the stress that comes with cleaning up the mess I made. Some are probably just living.
I expect that the ones as a result of me cleaning up the mess will fade away the longer I stay sober and face my issues. The others are just living. I keep reminding myself that at least I'm feeling something instead of numbing myself and making things worse.
If you need a day every now and then to yourself and to recover/ re-charge I think that's natural and a-ok. Life isn't easy. We have to learn to be compassionate toward ourselves.
B
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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the only way i coild have a ruined day is if i drank.
other than that, i had bad days. learning how to respond to life on lifes terms took some time to learn and wasnt always easy.
those days did lessen as i learned
other than that, i had bad days. learning how to respond to life on lifes terms took some time to learn and wasnt always easy.
those days did lessen as i learned
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
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I know exactly where you are coming from.
Early sobriety messes with your emotions, they get dialed up to 11 with extra sensitivity thrown into the mix.
You just have to ride it out, things get better. I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after 16 months.
Early sobriety messes with your emotions, they get dialed up to 11 with extra sensitivity thrown into the mix.
You just have to ride it out, things get better. I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after 16 months.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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ProfessorD: Every time you find an alternative to drinking as your "go to" strategy you are unlocking creativity in your brain....and that is one way you "re-wire" your brain for its future without alcohol. This "re-wiring" takes time and patience...even the little things you do without alcohol count...and then you build from there....at first it feels like not having alcohol in your life is like having a vacuum....but it gets better...so hang in there. You are most allowed to have bad days...it'll change as everyday is not the same....
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