Hawking22

Hello, fellow warriors -

This is my fifth time since March 2016 trying to rid myself of the shackles of my addiction. I went to my first meeting last night in almost 6 months...my first time at a new group, and though it's the same warmth and hope in every room, it's always difficult for me to relate to my sober comrades in my first week...what I have found to be the most invaluable and truly helpful factor in recovery is knowing I am not alone. That every stage of my life, every point of my drinking, every moment of hopelessness I've felt, someone else out there has seemingly felt that too. That's what SR gives me...a place to come wherever gets it, and I feel like most posts take the words right out of my mouth...
So I'd like to share another weapon I have in my recovery arsenal for anyone that is unfamiliar with it...the book "The spirituality of imperfection" written directly in guideline with AA principles.
...I saw this quote in a movie I was watching and it reminded me of the exact moment I realized...that moment you feel utterly trapped on an island and it's shrinking. "I give the fight up: let there be an end, a privacy, an obscure nook for me. I want to be forgotten, even by God"

I wanted to share some snipets from the book that helped me understand partly why I feel the way I do, but more importantly, how the hell to dig out of this hole I dug and never go back. I hope someone finds some comfort in them:
" We can experience both joy and sorrow, even at the same time, for they are not opposites. It is but their opposites that cause damage, for the opposite of joy is "cynicism" and the opposite of sorrow is callousness. Cynicism is rooted in the assumption that everyone is in control, callousness is the inability to realize that comes from the fear of losing control"

"The addict wishes to escape from the realization that is it impossible to be "all together" all the time. He thinks there must be some way, if only he can find it, to make things perfect always"

"Our darkness-our sins,our doubts- is a thirst for God, for the spiritual, for whatever might alleviate this painful side of the human condition.

"For the problem is not finding God, but letting ourselves be found by him"

"Turning to the magic of chemicals signifies the desperate and doomed attempt to fill a spiritual void with a material reality...addiction has been described as the belief that whenever there is "something wrong with me" it can be "fixed" by something outside of me"

"Locating divinity in drugs becomes a kind of spiritual death"

"Spirituality is one of those realities that you have only so long as you seek it; as soon as you think you have it, you've lost it"

"Addiction is not freedom...so long as we cling, we are bound"

"Breaking through that denial and confronting reality is what members of AA mean by hitting bottom"

We can do this <3

dwtbd

I used to think that spiritual wanting was a factor in my pursuit of intoxication.

But now I see spiritual wanting as almost a , if not the, universal human condition.

Addiction is not , and not even close, to being a universal condition , now or in any time in human history, but I can see that almost all human action is driven at root by the wanting of the spirit to find joy , in the moment and in life as a whole.

My addiction was driven by repeatedly becoming intoxicated and exasperated by deluding myself that it had anything to do with a spiritual malady that I was suffering.

Spiritual wanting or fulfillment 'happens' whether or not I'm getting drunk or high not because of or in spite of.

Be human , allow the spirit to want and work toward the fulfillment , boozing is just boozing, the AV plays it up to the level of 'grandiosity' , makes it sooo special , so larger than real life , just to keep Its supply coming.

Dee74

Thanks for sharing whats worked for you Hawking. My own experience resonates with many of the things you've said

Congrats on your sober time

D

Wastinglife

I really wish I could grasp the concept of spirituality and higher power. AA doesn't seem to have the same effect for me as I see it does for others. I am an atheist and science is my religion. Charles Darwin my prophet. It just doesn't sink in when I try to understand spirituality. For me, it's like believing in ghosts.

Dee74

Have you tried approaches like SMART Recovery or Lifering, WL?
Google them - they may appeal to you

D

lessgravity

Godlessness is no impediment to sobriety. In fact I might argue that you owe more to the world without a higher power than you would if there was one.